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 Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2004 11:05 pm
Well, I've decided to get off my butt and finally add to my story (yay for progess blaugh ). I'm not sure if I want to keep all of this, though. I don't know if it's befitting to Clavin's character... I'm so lost in this area... I don't know how to describe him as well as I can the others sweatdrop ...
Clavin joined in on the continental excursion to “broaden his horizons” and “replenish the artistic pool that lies within.” In English, this meant that going to Florida gave Clavin a reason to goof off and not have to listen to teachers nag about deadlines on his pieces and his parents’ nagging on top of that. Clavin was a very talented artist. His paintings had whisked away many a judge’s heart over 12 times in the last 3 years at various competitions. A few of his works had even received offers of placement next to the great Van Gogh at the art institute.
Through all of this, though, Clavin never showed any signs of egotism. To the public, he was a charismatic, down-to-earth, carefree artist who had the potential of becoming the next big thing but always turned down the once-in-a-lifetime opportunities. Most thought that he saw himself as inferior to the greats of artistry and never dared try to compare himself to them. People tended to view Clavin as a sort of saint to the arts, ever becoming over-emotional come award time and showed grace and maturity every moments of his life.
This, though, was all a cover-up. In the real world, Clavin was a bumbling geek who had a tendency to push a person’s button to the point of mass explosion. He did this quite frequently to his two best friends. To Lucas and Chalistina, Clavin had always been a bit of a pest. The whole charming, amazing profile he displayed to the public eye was a complete mask of who he truly was. Under the surface, Clavin soaked in all the mounting praise like a sponge and squeezed his excitement about it all over his friends. Clavin could never seem to get over the fact that he was shadowing the great artists of the past. “We’re stepping into a new time,” Clavin would say. “And in this time, I am the king of the arts!” Usually when the ego-maniac side of Clavin showed up, Lucas an Chalistina had the worst time of trying to bring his bloated head out of the clouds and back to where it belonged.
But, Clavin was still their friend, which is why they let him join the trip on the condition that he would not mention another word about his recent offer to have a gallery built in his honor at the Minnesota Institute of Art. That was a subject that had recently been pushing them over the edge.
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Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2004 11:54 pm
I'm on a role toight!!! Yay blaugh !! This is the final installment to chapter two! Chapter three is next, so I'll need some time for that to get up in here. In the meantime, he's the last of it for tonight!! blaugh
Clavin and Chalistina both had their valid, though somewhat unique, reasons as to why they approved of this trip. Everyone knew why those two had wanted to get away from their current lives. The same was not to be said of Lucas, though.
Lucas had always been the type of person who would keep to himself, coming off as the shy, silent type who never seemed to want to get to know anyone. Truth be told, though, he was a complete 180° opposite when he was around his friends. Come time for them to be together, Lucas always took charge and was the heart of the group, so to speak. He never meant to be this way; it was just his nature. The more he got to know someone, the more he opened up.
Recently, though, Lucas’ friends had started to notice a change in his behavior. He had slowly become a bit more inward. This wasn’t too noticeable during school, for that was how everyone knew him, but when he was around Clavin and Chalistina, he was starting to talk less and less. They didn’t have any real idea as to what was going on.
Lucas never told them why he had wanted to go to Florida, either. The trip had been his idea in the first place, so they sensed that he was really running from something. That was their first clue. Lucas had never run from anything in his life! He had earned the title of Editor-in-chief for the school newspaper when he was only a freshman. In the following years, the paper’s fame and praise had spread throughout the entire district and even to far corners of the state! Then, during his third year, Lucas was accused of plagiarism and embezzling school funds to print the paper. After considering relinquishing his editor dreams for only a second, Lucas fought back and proved that he was innocent of all charges. In the end, the whole fiasco cause a newfound following of the paper’s publishing from across the country.
Now, though, he didn’t really want to talk to his best friend about anything that was happening in his life. During the incident with the paper, Lucas had confided in them and had leaned heavily on them for support. He felt so distant now. They knew he had gone through a phase like this before, but he had said that he was ok and completely over it. Had he been covering up his feelings about that day? Was he still blaming himself for it? Neither of them really knew that answer.
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Posted: Wed Aug 25, 2004 8:37 pm
I did add more... really... see???
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Posted: Thu Sep 09, 2004 2:20 pm
i will have to agree i like it good job
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Posted: Thu Sep 09, 2004 5:37 pm
This is good. ^^ I only mean to point out one thing, why are they all best of something? One couldn't be an average kid? Just my thoughts. I'll keep reading.
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Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2004 9:41 am
I am going to have a lot of posts because I can't read and remember everything. Plus this way it breaks it up. It is really good by the way. I like it. My first comment is that the beginning is slightly too melodramatic to start out with. And you might want to make it a prologue rather than the first chapter.
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Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2004 9:44 am
On the 2nd part, I don't think you really need the Mineapolis, Minnesota part. I think we can all figure out that they are from Minnesota. And I meant the dream part to maybe be the prologue, not the entire 1st part, sorry.
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Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2004 9:46 am
Eventually, no matter who you are talking about, people become frayed and feel the undying need to get away and try to relax.umm. You don't even really need this sentence. It doesn't fit with the rest of your story. You switch voices. If you either change it or make it sound more a part of the story it would be better. Just because this sentence doesn't sound like you, it sounds like a lecture.
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Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2004 9:52 am
The character developement is really good. I like how you gave them all seperate reasons for wanting to go. Keeping Lucas mysterious is a nice touch too because you want to know what happens to him. Other than that, the only problem with the characters would be that they are too stunning. I can relate to Lucas being shy around other people and not around his freinds, but not to all the spectacular things that all three have done. You might want to make them less amazing unless their talents will help them later on.
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Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2004 9:53 am
Sorry about all the crazy posts and comments. But that's what you said you wanted so there you go. I really like it. It's very good. But now I want to read the rest of it...
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Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2004 9:45 pm
serpenteyes Sorry about all the crazy posts and comments. But that's what you said you wanted so there you go. I really like it. It's very good. But now I want to read the rest of it... don't appologize for putting down so much! I enjoy this kind of stuff! It's structured criticizm. I'm looking for that! I'll have to look back later to all the stuff you mentioned (don't really have much time now). But, for now, I'll tell you what I can. On the most part, the descriptions of those characters was to show people my characters' natures and sort of show people what is going on in their heads. What I mean is that each person is driven by something and driven in a different way. I pointed out all those things that were prominent in their lives to give people a feel for their thinking process (I guess that how you could put it, if it makes any sense at all to anyone other than me... confused ) as for the characters being too perfect looking (sort of), they will be balanced out eventaully. I have a LOT of chapters in this thing, and all together there are... let's see... when all is said and done there are 9 prominent characters, so the three characters you have met now will all be balanced out eventaully. You just haven't met them yet whee And, the last thing for tonight is that I'm not sure if I want to make that intro a prolouge thing or if I want to keep it in the actual chapter itself. Lucas is seeing that scene as his dream on the plane that he wakes up from, so I'm not sure if that should be in the chapter or not... Thank you, all of you, for reading my stuff and responding! Then next chance I get I will continue on with my writing (working around school and my job...) and post the next part. Unti then, keeping looking for more! And thank you again!!! blaugh 3nodding
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