I just got a bank account, and they gave me this big shiny red folder stuffed full of terms and conditions, but there's also a list of 1-800 phone numbers written off to the side.

Account Information: 1(800)xxx-xxxx
For the Deaf and Hearing-Impaired: 1(800)xxx-xxxx
Apply for a Credit Card: 1(800)xxx-xxxx
Apply for a Mortgage: 1(800)xxx-xxxx
Apply for a Loan: 1(800)xxx-xxxx
...
...
Send money to Mexico: 1(800)xxx-xxxx

rofl