This is a roleplay with tabletop RPG elements in it. Which means rolling dice, and that kind of stuff. It is not meant to be taken seriously, it is more for comic relief to take the edge off of all the more serious roleplays.
The rules might seem complicated at first (and are currently subject to change) but are actually quite easy given a little time. These rules make it difficult to godmod, and actually puts a little risk in the roleplay. It is really fun, but some things could use a little work, since i created it all by myself without outside help.
Here is a copy of the original thread
Saga Of Peril!!!!
The Saga of Peril
Also known as
Also known as
The EPIC Tale
Welcome Ladies and Germs one and all to the most astronomically epic saga, so chock full of amazing adventures and horrific encounters that it will reduce your gallbladder to gelatin that you will not be able to resist eating! With unbelievably imaginable magic and lecherous perverted people with massive amounts of insecurity and desires for intergalactic or even simple self domination. With stolen princeses and gateways to hell itself opening every second the world needs its HEROES! Answer the call!
Throw that hoe down farmer, grab a sword and find yourself a real woman! In this world, there are already enough peasants toiling in the mud and feces, cast aside such meager callings and become an ADVENTURER! Rush on down to the Grand Lobby! Where prime people find the best match based on class compatibility and pay no attention to your shitty connection speed! Then send you out on your everyday epic world saving and or mundane quest that will undoubtedly leave all of existence depending on you! Earn amazing awards like the outstanding cheese grater +2 or the boots of substandard swiftness!
Don’t forget to check for traps kids!
The World we have before you is the beautiful and scenic land of RAINBOWNIA! A seemingly infinite flat plain of existence that is chock full of badassery! From the gigantic capital city of all the land, Capital City! To the sweeping death filled deserts known as Paradise! Most assuredly there will be countless funfilled or deadly adventures to await us all. Hop to it adventurers! The whole universe may or may not be relying on you!
The Rules That are EPIC!!!
Stats
Str= This Stat determines how well you can hit, and how much damage you can do with melee weapons. Each point in Strength gives +1 to attack and damage rolls.
Dex= This Stat determines how well you can dodge and how well you are able to hit with ranged weapons. Each point in Dexterity raises your Armor by +1 (though the bonus gets lowered with heavy armor) and attack rolls with ranged by +1
Con= This Stat determines how hardy and healthy you are. Each point in Constitution raises your hit points by +1 per level at the first point, +2 at the second per level and so on. It also raises your ability to fight poison and the like by +1
Wis= This Stat determines how much of a punch your magic has and how much mana you have. Each point in Wisdom raises your Mana by +1 per level for the first point, +2 for the second so on, and magic ability by +1
Int= This Stat determines how well you know skills and how well you can hit with magic. Each point in Intelligence will raise your magic attack by +1 raises skill points as will be explained later.
Cha= This Stat determines your conversational skills, how attractive you are, and how well a bard’s skills work. Each point in Charisma will raise your speech by +1, your sexiness by +1 and a bard’s special attack and effectiveness by +1.
Skills
Stealth= This Skill determines how well you can utilize stealth and how well you can detect stealth. Each point in Stealth raises your ability to move silently, hide, listen and spot by +1.
Agility= This Skill determines how well you can move. Each point in agility raises your ability to balance, jump, swim, and climb by +1.
Advanced Weapon Skill= This Skill determines how well you can use a specific kind of weapon (sword, axe, spear, ect.) Each point gives you +1 to damage and attack when using the specific weapon.
Advanced Spell Casting= +This Skill determines how well you can use a specific spell. Each point gives +1 to spell chance and spell effect.
Persuasion= This Skill raises your ability to convince people you are right. Each point in persuasion gives +1 to all speech skills.
Tinkering= This Skill determines how well you can use and identify items. Each point in tinkering gives you +1 to using items (ancient devices, grappling hooks, ect.) and to identifying items (determining if you guess this is a +2 Sword of Flaming Hellfire or a -6 Cursed Blade of Suicide).
Survival= This Skill determines how well you can survive in the wildness. Each point in survival raises your ability to build a camp, hunt, find water, track, and not get lost by +1.
Okay, to begin we are all at lvl zero. We start out all zeros
Everything will be base on 20 sided dice.
So a typical combat scenario would look like this. There is a monster. You decide what you want to do, and figure out what dice you need to roll to determine what all you want to do, then you roll the dice in the Saga Dice Forum, Then, based on if you succeed or not you go and do your roleplaying post based on your successes or failures. Please do not delete posts and re-roll for success rolls, this gets rid of the fun that is chance of failure.
Now, say you are a warrior, you have +15 armor because you are wearing chain mail. You have one point in strength and one point in weapon focus for longsword so your hit chance for your sword are +2.
Your enemy is a small child with armor +6. So you decide you want to do a cartwheel and spin around and slash at the kids throat. So you go to the dice rolling forum, roll a 20 sided to see if you succeed in the cartwheel, it’s difficulty is 15 because you are wearing chain mail. You roll a seventeen, so you successfully cartwheel while giggling like the maniac you are. Then you roll a d20 for the attack. And an d8(longsword damage) to see how much damage you do do if you hit. You roll a result of 5 for the attack. Which normally wouldn’t hit, but because you have +2 from your Strength Stat and Weapon skill, it becomes seven. So you do hit. And for your damage you roll a result of 8, plus two from your stat and skill, this becomes ten. Your enemy only has 2 hit points since you are mercilessly slaughtering a small defenseless child so you successfully kill him, and may be as badass as you want in execution. Like you gracefully cartwheel and kick the child in the face then spin in a circle and swing your blade through it’s throat and it’s head goes flying and a fountain of blade gushes from It’s headless neck. You sadistic b*****d.
Then you get experience points. Which will be determined on how hardcore this battle was. This one was easy, so you only get 2 experience. But in a real battle where you take damage and it takes a while, or there are multiple enemies it could take more.
The first level is only 10 Experience points(xp). Every level beyond is 100xp. But you will earn less and less xp from weak creatures.
When we level up, we get one point to put in stats, each point gives +1 to rolls in that category. and depending on how much intelligence you get, you will get one skill point, with one point in intelligence, you will get an extra every fifth, with 2 you get an extra every fourth, so on, until you are getting 2 every level.
Stats directly effect skills. Example, if you want to go run up the side of the wall, and climb through a window, the difficulty would be 18 say since it is a mildly high window. if you have one in agility, then that gives you plus one, so you only have to roll a seventeen. But then you also have plus one in dex, so now you only have to roll sixteen. Get it?
Different races have different modifiers. Halflings are smaller, faster, and weaker. So their stats change accordingly.
If you fail a check, you don't get to try again. Yes, if you are all just standing there, and someone fails to pick the lock to the only door in the dungeon, then that method of entry no longer works. someone else could try breaking it down, or burning it down. But opening the lock doesn't work.
Different classes start with different hit points.
Barbarian 12
Fighter/paladin 10
Monk/Cleric/Druid 8
Bard/Rouge 6
Sorcerer/Wizard 4
Each time you level up, you will roll the Dice that corresponds with your starting hit points to determine how many you gained per level. Example, a barbarian just leveled up, so he will roll a d12, and he gets a 7, so instead of having 12 hp he now has 19.
If you die, and don't have a healer, then your character gets sent back to the grand lobby. Or the other characters can sacrifice equally amongst them to reach the maximum hit-points for the character and bring them back to life. though a healer would just be wiser.
Armor raise your Armor stat, which starts out at 10. The heavier armor, the more bonus, but less dexterity bonus and less chance of spells working.
Epic Profiling.....
Okay, to begin, you need to choose a class. There can only be one of each class.
Barbarian- Savage from outside of society. Usually illiterate. Has high hit points and focuses on high damage rather than personal safety. Starts with the ability Rage which adds +2 to attack and damage but -2 to armor. Barbarians cannot wear super heavy armor, but can wear leather and chain-mail.
Bard- The charismatic champion jack of all trades. They can focus on whatever they want really but are usually just a support class. They start with the ability Inspire which gives all allies in hearing distance +1 to hit chance with all abilities.
Cleric- The grand healer, or the devil worshiper. The cleric is a heavily armored magic user, their magic is unaffected by armor since it comes from the gods themselves. Their ability is either heal which heals 1d6 hitpoints on an ally or pain, which deals 1d6 damage to an enemy. This all depends on what god they worship.
Druid- The nature lover. Who uses magic from the life of nature itself. They cannot wield metal items, only natural ones, and only natural clothing. Their first ability is animal companion, they start out with an animal of their choice that will do their bidding. (most likely a water buffalo.)
Fighter- The main warrior class. Has high hit-points. Can wear heavy armor. Can wield any weapon. It's first special is that it gets +1 skill in weapon-focus each level. (including zero)
Monk- The master of martial arts. is hardy, fast, and powerful. Utilizes wisdom and dexterity as much as anything else to do damage. First ability is that they attack twice if unarmed, and unarmed attacks do 1d6 instead of 1d4.
Paladin-The holy warrior of god. Wears heavy armor and does heavy damage against evil creatures. First ability is that they can heal +1 damage per round to them-self or an ally and do an extra +3 damage to any evil enemy.
Ranger- Master of the woods and ranged attack. (normally of two weapon fighting as well, but the mechanics behind it are difficult so we are not going to go there). First ability is favorite kill, they choose a specific type of creature (human, dragon, ect) and can do an extra +5 damage to that type.)
Rogue- The stealthy master. Hides in the shadows, using poisons and deceit to kill and pickpocket. The first ability is sneak attack. If a rouge can successfully sneak up to an enemy undetected then he can do an extra 1d10 damage. Or if a 19 or 20 is rolled it is an autokill.
Sorcerer- A emotion driven magic user. Utilizing their natural inclination to barrel forth and annihilate enemies. Their first ability is a single spell, and +1 each level to advanced spell casting. (including level zero)
Wizard- An intelligence driven magic user. They scour information to learn arcane and occult knowledge to learn spells. their first ability is two attack spells and one utility spell.
Then you choose a race.
Humans- You in real life are human. There is nothing special about you.
Dwarves- Dwarves, the underground dwelling people. They are hardy and strong, but not the best in speed or matters of diplomacy +1 Con and Strength -1 in Dex and Cha
Elves- Beautiful graceful creatures that live a long time but are rather frail. +1 in wisdom and dex, -1 in con (start with one less hp and gain one less per level)
Orcs- Big strong dumb brutes. Ugly to boot. +2 strength Con and Dex. -2 Intellegence Wisdom and Cha.
Gnomes-Small but smart, -2 str +1 Int and Wis.
Halflings- Little people. They may be weak, but they are agile. -2 strength but +2 dex and +2 armor due to their size and speed.
Then you fill out your profile. making adjustments based on class and race.
Username
Name:
Class:
Race:
Bio:
Personality:
Max HP: (based on class)
Max Mana: (if applicable. Magic classes start with 10, recharges with rest and potions)
Lvl:
Str:
Dex:
Con:
Wis:
Int:
Cha:
Abilites:
Weapon sad include damage potential. Example: Longsword 1d8. Or Epic dagger of nerotoxin+3 1d4+3 and +1 damage for 1d4 rounds)
Armor: Include type, then total bonus. example is starting with 10 you are an dwarf with -1 dex so now it's 9. but your wearing plate which gives +8 so you are at 17.
Items: Anything non-weapon or armor related.
Gold:
Stealth:
Agility:
Adv. Weapon:
Adv. Spell:
Persuasion:
Tinkering:
Survival:
Anything else:
First Post:
Name: Wimdar Bumkig
Lvl: 0
Class: Wizard
Current hp. example: 4/4
Current Mana. 8/11
Equipment: Flowing Robe, Staff 1d6 -2[str]
Gold: 0
“YOU COCKSUCKER! THIS IS MY HOUSE!”
Furious with puffed out cheeks red as a spanked baby’s bottom Wimdar Bumkig screamed in shrill tones at the naked imp doing cartwheels across his dinner table. How the b*****d got in the gnome had no idea, but he knew damn well how he was going to take care of the little demon. Back when he was in the Order of the Mildly Confused the first test was to create a spell for self defense. He watched as all the other men made flaming swords appear out of thin air. Other’s ******** up and ended up spilling their own intestines onto the cobblestone floor. Other’s still spawned illusions of beautiful naked women, who just so happened to turn bizarrely turn orcish if stared at too long, totally dishing out a severe case of blue balls. Wimdar decided when it came to self defense, he being of such small stature (but not lacking in other places as he was known to say) he had better not ******** around. He was not known for his physical strength, so instead he decided to be direct. This is how Wimdar’s Nutpuncher, a spell most effective, came into being.
“Your in for it now you ugly little beast!” Cried Wimdar!
The Imp stopped it’s gymnastics momentarily with a look of distaste. In a shrieking little voice the imp replied “Me? Ugly? At least that is an inherent trait of my race. You look like you were born out the wrong exit hole buddy!”
The imp stuck his tongue out at the gnome in utter defiance. That was the moment Wimdar finished his incantation. There was a sudden sucking sound them something akin to someone slapping raw beef. Screams of agony arose from the Imp’s tiny fanged mouth and his hand’s shot to his crotch. Howling in sheer agony at the blow to his tiny red manood. Wimdar wasted no time and leaped forward grabbing the devil by the throat. It was time to call in his second spell. This spell was the second thing he had to do at the Order of the Mildly Confused. To create something that could easily be used around the house. Some of the other initiates made spells to clean. Others made spells that would slam the door in unwanted guest’s faces from across the room. And the sly made spells that made invited guests of the opposite sex to accidentally loose their clothing. There were mistakes as she who is now known as Joan the Fleshless found out. Wimdar decided he wanted something to warm his bathwater, his tea, or even a sweet gnomish massage. He failed miserably and instead made a horrendous weapon known as Hot Hands. That was the second misfortune Joan had that day. Luckily the O.M.C were a mildly confused sort and applauded such horrible acts of cruelty and rewarded Wimdar with chocolate covered pixies. Which generally are frowned upon in most social circles.
Wimdar said the incantation and the imp’s blood boiled from within his body. His eyes melted out of his skull and his flesh blackened and cracked. Wimdar cackled a maniacal victory laugh and threw the corpse out the window, where there was a grunt and a grumble. Wimdar made his way over to the window and saw a man outside garbed in the fine regalia of the O.M.C. Long flowing robes, this one in particular in open in the back for he was a part of the Wing of the Severely Delusional, who believed that the gateway to the soul was through their backside, and refused to ever deny it access to the fresh air. The man glared at the smoldering imp that had hit him and fallen to the ground. Then looked at the gnome. He pulled an envelope from his sleeve and passed it through the window. It bore the official seal of the Order. The man squealed like a pig and then did his customary greeting of turning his backside and spanking it thrice.
“Wimdar Bumkig, this is your final compensation from the Order of the Mildly Confused. Your lack of complete confusion, or your complete falling into such deep confusion that it can no longer been seen has, as you already know, been accepted as complete failure to continue being a part of this order. This is the last time we will send anything to you whatsoever, you will never hear from us again. We do not like you, and you smell funny. We demand you give us your flowing robes and sub sequentially commit suicide.”
Wimdar shook his head furiously. “Well the suicide maybe! But I bought these robes myself! ******** you and the whore you rode in on!”
The man dove in halfway through the window and grabbed Wimdar by the robes then yanked the beautiful flowing cloth off of him and tore it out through the window, leaving the gnome screaming in protest and naked. The man spanked himself again the ran off down the road braying like a donkey. Wimdar cursed his bad luck. Then opened the envelope, scratching his thick white beard. The letter inside was for a total compensation of negative five thousand gold. All the debts and damage Wimdar had caused while at the order. Which in their eyes was considered a pitiful amount, and was just another spit in the face that he was hardly confused enough. Though now, standing naked before his open window, he had no idea what to do with himself. An old hag screamed at him to put some clothes on or to come home with her as he was. So he made his way to the dresser where he kept his twenty other pairs of long flowing robes. He put on his beautiful purple ones then went back into the living room. Then he decided to use the third and final spell he knew. Ancient and arcane knowledge he found while scouring the catacombs beneath the Order. Where there was still remnants of the mysterious and nearly forgotten predecessors of the O.M.C. known as the Anarchist Murderer Man-Gods of the Plane of We ******** Your Mother, or something along those lines. A simple spell where a question was answered by completely unknown but probably trustworthy sources. The gnome focused his arcane and occult energies and asked a question often considered far to dangerous to ask of gods and demons, as it was considered too unimportant.
“What should I do today?” Inquired the gnome.
There was an intake of breath, and a slow whisper hissed into his brain “Go to the Grand Lobby. Become an Adventurer.”
This struck the gnome as a little odd, no matter how probably trustworthy the sources were. He never saw himself as the gung-ho adventure type. “Are you sure?” asked the gnome.
“Totally Bro. Then you can get all the gnome bitches.” Hissed the voice.
That was all the convincing Wimdar needed. He grabbed the Dice of Chaos that he had also found in the catacombs and put them into one of his many pockets. Then set off.
The quest to grand lobby was an epic tale involving massive amounts of pipeweed and gnomish midgets, which are just as funny to gnomes as human midgets are to humans. But that is a tale for another time. Instead we will hop to it. Wimdar came to the grand lobby. A gigantic complex of buildings that seemed to dwarf even some of the larger cities of Rainbownia. The lines were as long as the eye could see, but according to the leprechaun run queue board the average wait time was only thirty-seven seconds.
Five hours later Wimdar reached the official registration desk where a severely obese elf with n****e piercing and a bad haircut named Shurly the Young Buck ran through the required information.
“Name?”
“Wimdar Bumkig”
“How do you kill enemies?”
“Magic”
“Where did you acquire said magic?”
“The Order of the Mildly Confused.”
The elf snorted and raised an eyebrow, peering of over the desk at the short gnome. Then shrugged. “So you’re a wizard?”
“I guess so.”
“Well then I would say you are about level zero.” He looked Wimdar up and down again then shook his head. “We do not currently have any matches that fit your… specifications. Would you like to start a new party so we can match people compatible with you?”
Wimdar had absolutely no idea what the fat creature before him was talking about so he simply nodded. The elf smiled a smile with several missing teeth and stamped down on some odd contraption. And handed him a piece of paper that came from it. “This is your character sheet. It is made from illusionary paper so you cannot loose it, and it cannot be destroyed. Go on down to the match room 47 and await your new comrades. Matched perfectly to be as well balanced team as possible at this time. Good luck… Adventurer.”
There was a wee sense of pride that washed over the gnome when he was called Adventurer. It meant quests were ahead of him. And at the probably reliable sources had told him, gnomish bitches. He puffed his chest up with pride until he heard the morbidly obese elf laugh a high pitched squeal at him as he walked away. Speaking in a dialect that Wimdar didn’t understand, it used words like “NOOB” among other things and Wimdar decided it was ultimately the language of douchebaggery. Wimdar was about to say something in response when the chair broke under the elf and a chair leg stabbed into the fat of his a**. Blood gushed out onto the floor as the blubbery creature wailed. Wimdar shrugged and hurried on to find match room 47.
When he finally found it he wandered in. There were basically just five chairs around a table. Nothing at all epic feeling about it and Wimdar was mildly disappointed. He wandered over to the table and pulled out a chair, one facing the door so he could watch whoever would come in. He leaped up into the chair and relaxed. Figuring this was going to take a while.
