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Just kind of a blerb I wrote. Opinions?

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XxXPuppet_Master182XxX

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 27, 2012 6:44 pm


It was a relatively silent night in Laurendale. The quiet pitter patter of rain sang on the roads and the the crickets chirped in an eerie symphony as the moon drowned in massive black clouds. Rowena sat by the window mesmerized by the peace the rain brought to the castle. Peace she wished she could use to quell her troubled mind. Somewhere out there on these cobbled roads was a piece of her heart. She knew not where but she felt him out there among the houses and taverns. Overwhelmed by her saddened heart she hadn't realized Nyr, her dragon-child, climb up on the sill. He peered up at her with silver eyes, his golden scales glittering in the candlelight from the surrounding room. She looked at her child with fondness as he nuzzled her hand; squeaking only as baby dragons can. A faint smile spread on her lips and she scratched his chin. Nyr purred gleefully.

"Milady," called Tara, her housemaid. Both Rowena and Nyr looked to the doorway where she stood. Tara was a small woman with petite features and large brown eyes that reminded Rowena of a child.

"Yes, Tara?" Rowena uttered her voice echoing in the quiet room.

"Milady, a man just stopped by and said to give this invitation to you." she replied meekly. Rowena blinked not sure who could be sending her invitation at this hour. She held out her hand and Tara hastily placed it in her hand. Rowena read quietly as soon as she undid the silk ribbon around the parchment.

Lady Rowena Shroudsong,

You are hereby invited to the Summer's Eve Ball at the Palace of Flowers. Lord and Lady Warren hope to see you among their humble guests tonight at ten in the evening.
Best Regards,
Diren Lawrence


Rowena blinked and looked to Tara.

"A ball at ten this evening?" Rowena mutttered. "But its already nine." Tara bit her lip trying to hide a smile.

"Milady, if we rush I can help you get ready for the ball. I know its short notice but maybe if you go you can finally get Sir Emil off your mind." Tara uttered with a meek smile. Rowena felt a faint stab of pain at his name but smiled anyways. It wasn't a terrible idea after all. Finally she nodded and the small girl squealed with joy.

"Let me go find Henry to start heating the water for your bath, milady." Tara smiled clearly happy to be helping her get ready for the ball. As the she turned to leave Rowena grabbed her arm.

"Actually Tara, let me order Henry to get my bath water. Will you run to Hedge's and fetch that dress I've been meaning to pick up?" Tara nodded with exaggeration before she bolted out the door almost forgetting her coat. Rowena smiled and went to find Henry.
***************************************************
Rowena sighed as the warm water soaked her skin. Rose petals danced upon the water's surface like ballerinas as she washed. Picking up a petal she brought it to her nose. It smelled lovely.
Did you know Roses are the flower of eternal love? She heard Emil's voice ring in her head and she immediately plunged the petal deep under the water. No, tonight there would be no further thoughts of Emil. Tonight she was free of him; she would enjoy herself. Tara called from her dressing room and she climbed out of the tub patting herself dry with a towel.

She walked into the room to see Tara hanging up the most gorgeous dress she had ever seen. It was a deep red silk more like the color of blood then roses. She had Tara help her dress and after fastening her corset she slid the dress on. She looked stunning; the dress proved to reach her ankles in waves of silk and revealed her chest a bit more then her tunics usually allowed. She liked it though as well as the way the air kissed her exposed back.
Tara had finished her hair which was half pulled up in three rosettes behind her head; the rest of her auburn curls spilling about her neck and face. She smiled at Tara, who was grinning like a cat.

"Milady, would you like me to call a carriage?" she asked in a breathy voice and Rowena shook her head.

"No, thank you. I'll take Nightshade." she replied and Tara nodded. "Oh will you be a dear and watch Nyr tonight please? I fear he'll scare the guests and try and eat all of the food." Tara smiled and scooped the little dragon up, who had been eating grapes off of an endtable.

"Of course, Milady."

"Thank you." Rowena kissed Nyr on his nose and scratched his chin before heading to her personal stables. Her horse, Nightshade stood hobbled in his stall. His white head poked out as she drew nearer. Opening the stall she led him out taking off the ratty ropes that bound his head. Nightshade shook his head and whinnied at his freedom. With ease she mounted and began trotting down the streets to the Palace of Flowers holding on to his mane.
*************************************************
PostPosted: Sat Jul 28, 2012 5:49 pm


Anyone?

XxXPuppet_Master182XxX

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That man 0ver there

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PostPosted: Sun Oct 14, 2012 5:00 am


It's interesting, I'll give you that, but, it's a little on the over describing side(not that I'm complaining, but, someone else might). Still, a good story, and I would like to read more.
PostPosted: Fri Oct 19, 2012 7:15 am


I find that it is descriptive in some places more than in others. if you're going to make it as descriptive as you do in some parts, like the beginning paragraph (which was very good I have to say, then I would like the tone and the descriptiveness of the story to maintain on the same level. you could pick it up a little bit in other places. also one thing I noticed

She held out her hand and Tara hastily placed it in her hand

you used her hand two times in the same sentence, other people might not think so but it's a little repeaty and god I just had a good word but now it's gone..

but overall good story hope to see more and find some points of it very interesting

dancingdemise

Neophyte Firestarter

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