Welcome to Gaia! ::

I know I abandoned everyone for months, I know I disappear sometimes. I know I can't always take the mental strain of my own disorders with everyone else's issues all heaped on me, but instead have a meltdown and freak out and hide for however long...I know I promise a lot that I'll never leave, and I left.

Bu how many promised me the same thing? And how hard did you try? A couple of phone calls to a dead phone? Maybe ask one person if they've seen me online? ******** you. Every time you have ever needed me, I have done everything I possibly can to find you, I have gone to every length, for every one of you who has depended on me. I have give you everything I can, and when I had no more to give, when you had beaten me down with your needyness, you turned on me when I came back after a refuel, and you took away any desire of mine to care anymore.

I cried over you. I spent days just wondering if I had really hurt you, and how to fi it, and how much I loved you just for being alive, and how through everything it didn't matter to me, I loved you because you were my friend.

I wasted tears. I hate crying, so when I do it, it's not something to be taken lightly. But you say our old friendship is dead to you, you act like we had nothing, and that I did some terrible thing to you. You throw everything, big or small, in my face, then pretend I was never the person I claim to be.

I gave you everything I can! What more do you want? Do you ant my soul? Here. You can have it. I don't want it if you want it.

I want it back. I want everything back to how it was, where people liked me, where I didn't have to make great efforts to even decide to get up in the morning. And I hate that you act like it's a KINDNESS you're showing by offering to "start over".

How about even an ounce of forgiveness? No. Because I'm just a piece of s**t right? I stopped giving you what you wanted, so I belong in hell.

I WANT IT BACK GODS ******** DAN IT ALL ><

Everyone goes through s**t, but I have to say as ragey as this post is it makes me happy. I thought you were just a carebear. emotion_c8 Human's get angry. You get mad, and it brings out ugliness that's best left unconcealed... will only wound you if it is... for those with no way out, it's devastating. Some people just have too much stress on their shoulders, and you know, you should be a little insane for living in a world like this. People just don't seem to care.

edit: I realize when you give a damn, you make a difference. I'm sure your anger is only temporary, but when you do things from the good of your heart it's not really expected people give you stuff or attention in return whatever the case. If you're always expecting things than... well, you end up destroying yourself even more. That's a thing that directly applies to relationships too. Your actions speak louder than any gift or word to be truthful.

You get +100 points for being sane for true.