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Innocent Hope

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 28, 2012 4:31 am


Wow! Kella's dad is sort of my like my dad. Most of the time he is in a good mood but then, when he is in a bad mood, he's raging like a storm and shouting a lot too.
PostPosted: Tue Aug 28, 2012 12:29 pm


OhhBissh
Wow! Kella's dad is sort of my like my dad. Most of the time he is in a good mood but then, when he is in a bad mood, he's raging like a storm and shouting a lot too.

Yeah, my dad is like that too. He's a pretty happy and goofy guy but you do NOT want to make him mad. He can be a pretty scary person when he's ticked off. I guess you could say Kella's dad is sort of based off my dad.

Aislin Schreiber
Crew

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Aislin Schreiber
Crew

Invisible Sweetheart

PostPosted: Tue Aug 28, 2012 5:10 pm


OhhBissh
Wow! Kella's dad is sort of my like my dad. Most of the time he is in a good mood but then, when he is in a bad mood, he's raging like a storm and shouting a lot too.

Forgive me, but I forgot to ask if you had any suggestions in my response to your post. Also, thanks for reading! It's always good to get new critiquers biggrin
PostPosted: Tue Aug 28, 2012 5:20 pm


Girl on Fire 12
OhhBissh
Wow! Kella's dad is sort of my like my dad. Most of the time he is in a good mood but then, when he is in a bad mood, he's raging like a storm and shouting a lot too.

Forgive me, but I forgot to ask if you had any suggestions in my response to your post. Also, thanks for reading! It's always good to get new critiquers biggrin

No, I don't have any responses.

Innocent Hope

Gracious Giver

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Aislin Schreiber
Crew

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 28, 2012 5:29 pm


OhhBissh

No, I don't have any responses.

Okey dokey! I just try to get as much as I can out of the reader. Thank you! 4laugh
PostPosted: Sat Sep 01, 2012 4:27 pm


Hopefully, you'll continue writing; you have a lot of followers. But I know you have another life besides writing so go on, do whatever you want.

Innocent Hope

Gracious Giver

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Aislin Schreiber
Crew

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 16, 2012 8:23 am


They're finally here!! After months of avid searching, I have finally found someone kind and talented enough to draw my characters! This wonderful person is FruitFishy and I recomend her for anything you need drawn. Now that she has finished the drawings, I thought I'd share them with you! So, here they are!


Archer-

User Image

User Image

Kade-

User Image

Kella-

User Image


I love them all so much!! Tell me what you guys think! She drew them based off of the descriptions in the book, except for Kella who isn't really described in the book. I had to write one for her. But otherwise, this is how she saw them while reading. Do they look anything like you imagined? Let me know! I'm curious biggrin
PostPosted: Fri Sep 28, 2012 2:47 pm


Sorry I haven't updated this in awhile guys. The story is moving slow what with school and work and all that good stuff. I have been writing a bit but not enough to post and the rest happens later on in the book. If you're curious, I just wrote a death scene so think about that while you wait patiently for an update. I love all of you guys and really appreciate all the opinions and support I've gotten here. More is always welcome of course! Once again, tell me what you think of the pictures! I really want to hear what you guys think of them. Thanks for reading if you bothered and I hope it won't be too long until another update.

Aislin Schreiber
Crew

Invisible Sweetheart


Aislin Schreiber
Crew

Invisible Sweetheart

PostPosted: Tue Nov 20, 2012 7:49 pm


Yo guys!!! Guess who's still alive and writing! Sorry it's been so long since my last update but school started and I got a job and we recently moved so obviously I've been busy. Luckily, I have found some time to write and I have an update for you! If anyone still reads this of course. I hope so.

When we last left off, our trio was as the pond and Kade just caught a fish! So that's where we're going to start up again. As always, please please please leave some comments saying what you think and what not. You know the drill. Alright, I've kept you waiting long enough. Here you go!



After a few minutes of gazing at the cotton clouds in deep blue sky, Kade came over with three strips of fish meat and laid them down on the spit. Propping myself up on my elbows, I watched as he started cooking them. He pulled out the jars of spices we’d brought along and seasoned the meat. I put a hand over my stomach as it let out a low growl. Kade glanced up at me for a moment, his lips curled into an amused smile, before turning his attention back to the fish.

Soon the only sounds were that of cutlery clattering against plates and chewing as we enjoyed our meal. Kade had cooked the fish to perfection and we ate it with some slices of bread with jam spread over it. The jam, made by my mother, was a sweet strawberry, one of my favorites. We washed it all down with flasks of water and put it all back in the basket. Now full, we spread out on the blanket, contently rubbing our stomachs as we watched the straggle of clouds role by. I let out a sigh, feeling that the world was at peace, though I knew it to be quite the opposite.

Chapter Five
(The first few sentences of this chapter are a little rough. They were jotted down quickly and I plan to revise them but tell me what you think I could do to make it sound better)


The next few days passed much faster than I would have liked. They were spent with my family and were very precious to me. Playing with my sisters, picking flowers with Teagan, gardening with Rosaleen, helping my mother with chores, listening to my father tell his stories. I didn’t spend as much time with Kade and Archer as I normally would have but I figured I would be seeing plenty of them when we headed out for camp.

Before I knew it, the eve of my last day was coming to a close and as I crawled into bed, I wondered what I would do the next day. I had already promised Archer I would meet him in the woods in the morning but after that I had no other plans. Pulling the covers over myself, I decided to figure it all out later.

A few hours passed and I opened my eyes, unsure of why I had woken up. Slowly, my eyes adjusted to the darkness and I saw Teagan standing at the edge of my bed. By the light of the full moon seeping in through the windows, I could see shining tear tracks on her face.

“What’s wrong Teagan?” I whispered, not wanting to wake Rosaleen.

“I had a bad dweam,” she whispered back, her thumb in her mouth.

I moved over in my bed so she could have room to lie down with me. She crawled under the covers and rolled over on her side to look at me. Her forest green eyes stared into mine. I started to stroke her red hair to comfort her. For a moment I debated whether or not I should scold her for sucking on her thumb. I decided against it since it seemed to soothe her.

“What was your dream about?” I asked in a whisper.

“You,” she replied, fresh tears spilling from her eyes.

I wrapped my arms around her and we snuggled under the sheets. She cried softly into my shoulder as I continued to stroke her hair. Me. She had dreamed about me; me going off to war and never returning. That’s why she had come to me instead of my parents. She wanted to be sure I wasn’t already gone. As I thought this through, Teagan’s crying gradually became louder.

“Shh,” I whispered, tightening my grip on her. “You’ll wake Rosaleen.”

“I’m already awake,”

Rosaleen’s voice came through the dark from the edge of my bed. I looked up to see her silhouette standing there, watching us. With a sigh, I beckoned her to join us. Without hesitating, she crawled onto my bed, ignoring its loud creaks of protest. It wasn’t built to hold so many people and it was a tight squeeze with all three of us, but we made it work.

I lay there, comforting my sobbing sisters, trying not to give into tears myself. Trying to stay strong for them. For everyone. If I cried, it would only make things worse for both me and them.

“We don’t want you to go,” Teagan said, her voice muffled by the cloth she was speaking into. Her words made my heart ache.

“I don’t want to go either,” I said. “But I have to. Would you rather Dad go?”
The girls shook their head furiously. Rosaleen looked up at me with tearful eyes. “We don’t want anyone to go. Not Papa. Not you. Not Archer. Not Uncle Tim. No one. We want you all to stay here.”

“I wish we could, but we have a duty to our country.” I kissed Rosaleen and Teagan on the forehead. “Now go to sleep,” I said sternly. “And no more crying.”

They nodded, took deep breathes, and closed their eyes. I listened as their breathing slowed and they slipped into a deep sleep. I started to doze off as well, my arms still around my sisters. Soon, I was lost in the land of dreams as well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I was almost sprinting through the forest to meet up with Archer the next morning. I had over slept and was running very late, especially since Teagan had sucked me into picking flowers and playing hide and seek. It’s hard to say no to a little girl sitting in the grass saying, “Kelly, will you play with me?”
My pace slowed as I went farther in, nearing our usual meet up spot. Finally, I stopped, looking up into the branches of the old oak tree and spied Archer relaxing halfway up, his legs stretched out before him, back leaning against the trunk of the tree.

“Hello Kell,” he called down to me. “Care to climb up and join me in the branches?”

“I will in a second,” I replied.

Knowing Teagan would be heart-broken if I crushed her flowers in the process of climbing, I stuck the stems between my teeth before grabbing onto the lowest branch. My way up was very familiar on account I had climbed it so many times before. It didn’t take long for me to reach my friend. I settled on a branch just above and to the left of him. Once I had situated myself in a position similar to Archer’s (my back against the tree trunk and my legs stretched out), I took the flowers out of my mouth and placed them on my lap.

“What took you so long?” Archer asked after a moment of silence.

“Teagan wanted to play,” I explained. “She also made me a bouquet of flowers. Want one?”

Without hesitation, he took the daisy I offered him and began twirling it between his thumb and forefinger. I watched him for a moment before turning my attention to my flowers which were sitting in my lap. A silence fell between us as we both got lost in thought, wondering about what was to come. With our departure nearing, it was hard not to feel terrified. We grew up hearing the horrific yet magnificent stories our fathers and grandfathers recited from their own experiences. Now it was a question as to whether we would live to tell our own. The distant chirping of a bird pulled me back to reality and brought a question to my lips.

“Is Kade coming?”

“No, he’s spending the day with Evelyn, remember?” he answered, still staring at his flower. “It’s his last day here for a while so he wanted to spend it with her.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to spend your last day with someone special?” I asked, looking down at him, my thoughts drifting to Maibell.

Archer met my eyes and smiled. “I already am.”

I quickly turned my attention back to the flowers on my lap, hoping that the shade from the foliage above would hide my blushing cheeks and stupid grin. I knew he wasn’t kidding. He’d always thought of me as special. The question was, what kind of special was he referring to? Special as in his best friend or special as in something more?

I could feel Archer’s eyes still focused on me as I contemplated this so I found something to do. I picked one of the daisies in my lap and started to pull of the petals. Suddenly, I was reminded of an old game the village girls used to play when they were young. They would pull the petals from the flower and for each petal they were to either say, “He loves me.” or “He loves me not.” They would alternate between these phrases with each petal taken from the flower. Whichever one they’d say on the last petal was supposed to be true. I had never participated in these sorts of games, for I had always thought them stupid. Now, however, I decided to play it.

He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me not.

The discarded petals gathered in a small pile on my legs, joining the other flowers. This went on for a while and became rather monotonous; yet another reason I had never played the game before. Still, I continued to pull off the petals, saying the phrases over and over again in my head.

He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me not.

The last petal fluttered gracefully down onto my lap, joining its brothers and sisters in a little pile. I watched as it descended with the stem of the mutilated daisy held limp in my hand.

He loves me, I thought with a sense of finality.

Who loves me? Who had I been picking those petals for? I knew in an instant but did not want to admit it to myself. Besides, now was not the time to start a relationship. Not with a war going on. Not when there was little chance that we’d both make it back. In fact, though I would never tell this to anyone I cared for, I had little hope of returning home with my life. Starting a relationship at this time would only double the pain and suffering brought on by the war.

I shook my head, trying to dispel the various thoughts crowding my brain, and instead thought of happier this such as the trees and birds and all of nature, for I believed this to be my last day to do so. The thoughts of love, however, still lingered and it seemed I was unable to shake them.

Unable to resist, I looked down at Archer. He was no longer looking at me but instead had fallen asleep. I smiled. He looked so peaceful in his current state. I must have been too lost in thought to notice his heavy breathing, for I noticed it now. A quiet snore escaped his mouth, disturbing the few birds that had lingered in our tree. As I watched him, I noticed something that I had not noticed before; the dark circles under his eyes.

He’s been having trouble sleeping too, I thought.

I started to debate whether I should wake him or not. I knew he hadn’t slept well the night before, but I didn’t want him to sleep away our last day in the forest. Something told me he didn’t want that either. In the end, I decided on the latter. Since waking him in general was rude enough, I was going to do it gently. I picked up the small file of petals on my lap and dropped them just above his head. I watched as they drifted down onto his face, a few of them tickling his nose. His eyes fluttered open and the first thing they settled on was me smiling kindly at him. He was quick to return the smile.

“Time to wake up sleepy head,” I said as if speaking to Teagan.

“How long was I out?” Archer asked, rubbing his right eye.

“I’m not sure,” I replied. “A few minutes maybe.”

“That’s not too bad,” he said, placing his hands behind his head and readjusting his position on the branch. “I was afraid I had been sleeping for much longer. So… what do you want to do today? Hunt?”

I thought for a moment. For the first time in my entire life, I had no desire to hunt. The appeal was gone and I wasn’t entirely sure why. Maybe because I didn’t need the meat today. Or because I would be spending the next three years of my life killing.

That's it for now guys! As always, tell me what you think!! I love hearing what you guys have to say and I hope people are still reading this, otherwise I feel like I'm talking to myself. Thanks for reading!
PostPosted: Fri Nov 23, 2012 11:31 am


Omg. Hey, girl! KEEP WRITING PLEASE!!! At least you can get rid of writer's block or find time to write. For me it's like: writer's block...book's dead.

13 Mockingjay

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Aislin Schreiber
Crew

Invisible Sweetheart

PostPosted: Fri Nov 23, 2012 11:36 am


13 Mockingjay
Omg. Hey, girl! KEEP WRITING PLEASE!!! At least you can get rid of writer's block or find time to write. For me it's like: writer's block...book's dead.

Lol, that's awful! I hate when my books die. It's so sad. I'm determined to keep that from happening to this one. The thing is, you have to make time to write. Also, try different ways of writing your book. Writing in chronological order seems to get me stuck a lot so I go out of order. Try whatever seems to work for you! Hope your books stop dying buddy and thanks for reading as always 4laugh heart
PostPosted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 5:02 am


Hey guys, I know it's been forever since I did anything with this and I'm sorry, really I am. War Maiden is on hold for the time being since life has decided to get in my way. Also, I came up with a new idea for it that will require me revising a good chunk of it. Once I finish the revised version it will be posted in a separate forum. I'm not sure when that will happen but soon enough I hope. One more thing, I am taking a creative writing class this school year so I plan to post whatever works I make for that class here. So if you want to read more of my work, look for those in the future.

As always, thanks for reading and remember to write on! heart

Aislin Schreiber
Crew

Invisible Sweetheart

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