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Name: Rin
Spirit: Ninetails (Kyubi)
Gender: female
Age: looks to be in her early 20s

Personality: moody, people-pleaser, ambitious, formerly a flirt(before her love was sealed away)
Likes: smoking her pipe, roses, fan dancing, reading, art
Dislikes: people pulling her tails, people who get on her case about the health issues of smoking
Hobbies: smoking, painting, reading fortunes
Fears: having her hoshi no tama stolen, nightmares, losing her family or most treasured love whom is kept in a pot.

Appearance: Long brown hair, brown eyes, tan, glasses, wears yukatas, smokes a long pipe, she wears a necklace of beads. She probably has visible seals on her from where the head of the bath house sealed her powers whether it be in the form of jewelry or sigils? Holding the pot that her lover is sealed in? or maybe the bathhouse has it, I don't know. That's up to staff. Wing tattoos on her shoulder blades.

Powers/Abilities: transmogrification/shape-shifting *doesn't want to go overboard* so maybe simple objects. Or maybe just fox form and human form. And Basic Healing spells for simple healing, cuts and bruises etc. Fox fire? A small fireball the size of a pixie to ping at people when she gets angry/frustrated? idk xD

History: She grew up at a shrine where her people were worshiped. Taking on the job as guardian of the shrine as she was quite ambitious and eager to please, she kept away evil-doers. She was born with only two tails--a lesser kitsune if you will. She strove to become more powerful so she could protect those she cared about and the shrine, her home.

People often came to give gifts and ask for things in return. And so she would grant the wishes of those she deemed worthy, which included do-gooders, people who had good will/good intentions. She liked to please people and this extended to pleasing other gods as well in order to earn their favor so she could gain more tails. Plus every 100 or so years she would gain a tail automatically. With all her training as a guard and working for the people she eventually reached the level of Nine-tails.

During the time she worked, even before she became a kyubi she had been a trickster of sorts when it came to feelings of the heart. She teased one of her patrons with grand illusions and magic. But he saw beneath all the tricks and flashy spells and illusions. And loved her despite; not as a kitsune or as someone who could grant his wishes, but as a person. He met her when she was young and only had a few tails, but he continued to follow her around out of curiosity and eventually fell in love after they spent quite a bit of time together, getting to know each other on a deeper level.

In the meantime, a jealous kitsune from another clan, that she had roused feelings in, wanted to marry Rin for her power. He was lazy and did not seek to bother himself in becoming a nine-tails when he could have someone else do it for him. Around the time she had achieved her Nine-tails title, in an effort to gain Rin's affection's solely for himself, the jealous kitsune tricked the patron that Rin had come to love, into being sealed in a pot. She became so devastated when he was sealed since he was the first one to see her true self, that she blamed herself; she knew that this was all her fault for being a heart trickster. She vowed never to be a flirt again.

Rin had arrived just in time to witness the sealing end. There was nothing she could do to stop it, and so she attacked the jealous kitsune with her new power. He fled, and Rin took up the pot and carried it with her. She tried many times to undo the seal herself. Curiously enough, she did not have the power to undo it. How could a lesser kitsune make a seal like this?

ideas: perhaps the seal has to be read by the person who did the sealing. Rin goes looking for him? Perhaps he was killed by bandits. Would a voice recording work? Or maybe if she simply shape-shifted into him and read the seal. But that'd be too simple.... hmmm



Reason:

Hello Erina! I'm gonna crit your quest!

Age: You say she looks to be in her early twenties, but how old is she really? o:

Personality: Since you intend for Rin to be a worker and thus RP-required, you should definitely flesh out her personality. Don't just list traits; write her personality out in long hand as that will give the staff a better understanding of her. What's more, you can keep the keywords up as a sort of guideline before the full personality, but three keywords is definitely not enough to give anyone a good picture in any way, shape, or form. Just saying that she's moody, a people pleaser, and a heart-trickster leaves me (and I assume others) going "Okay, and...?" Definitely work on this! I'm sure there's more to her than just those three things!

Likes/Dislikes: Could definitely use a few more since at the moment she only has five likes and two dislikes. Dislikes in particular should have a couple more! Personally I like to keep likes and dislikes even - so five likes would also have five dislikes!

Hobbies/Fears: These are fine!

Appearance: This could also use fleshing out. Remember, if you get her, she'll be a custom and it's better to give an exact telling of what you want than to leave most everything vague 'cause then the artist doing her might have trouble or won't draw her exactly as you see her! Good ways to pump up this section are to tell us her height, weight, body shape, face shape, eye shape, hairstyle, skin color, as well as any sort of distinguishing features like scars, burns, blemishes, and/or tattoos. There's more you can add to that - accessories and whatnot - but what I listed above is a good starting point!

Powers/Abilities: Shapeshifting makes sense, but why can she change into other things yet not herself? Snoof or halie will have to confirm but I think it makes more sense that as a worker she can switch between her human and fox forms but not into anything else. That being said, I think you could add a power or two and still be okay. c:

History: First thing I notice about your history is that you have a personality trait lying in plain sight! It seems she's quite the ambitious kitsune and 'ambitious' is a great keyword to have! That being said, on to the history proper.

You say she granted the wishes of those she 'deemed worthy'. What does this mean, in the sense of...what sort of people did she deem worthy? I'd like to see this explained so we can learn a bit more about her character. c: Also, since you say she was a guardian of the shrine, what led her to becoming a shrine guardian? Was that job something she always dreamed of having? Was she forced into it? Definitely expand on that and her life as a young kitsune!

I notice as well that in the second paragraph you say she reached the 'godly' level of kyubi. Since gods aren't allowed in Bathhouse I'd change that word to something else. Perhaps the 'highest tier of kitsune' or just saying that after all her hard work she finally earned her ninth tail. Regardless it's up to you on how you wanna phrase that.

Moving on, I now see the meaning behind your 'heart-trickster' keyword for her personality. Since 'heart-trickster' doesn't exactly roll off the tongue and due to her actions, I think 'flirt' or 'flirty' might fit better here. Maybe 'capricious' but that might be a bit of a stretch. Anyway, you say this patron saw through her magic and illusions. How so, since he is seemingly human? And how did he react to the fact that such a mythical figure actually existed? Also how did he come to love her? Was it love at first sight or did they end up spending time together and love developed from there? Definitely explain this.

'Souly' isn't a word; I think you're looking for 'solely'. c: Why did this other kitsune want to marry her for her power? Also how did she rouse feelings in him for her? And of course, how did he manage to trick this patron into being sealed into a pot? Now anyway, you say she showed up in time to see the sealing and wasn't able to stop it. Why and how? Just before you said she is a kyubi and is powerful because of it. Surely she could undo the seal herself right? And what happened to this other kitsune after he took off? Is he done with trying to get with Rin for good or what?

Reason: If the pot gets stolen, definitely add the how to her history!



Whew, apologies for the length! I really like to crit. XDD But in any respect, I hope this helps! >O<