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 Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2012 12:11 pm
I'm hearing your voice twice,
together, with consonants doubled
and lingering behind your tongue
like a hiss of static noise.
I'd hear you twice as clear if I could think your doubled thoughts.
I'd speak too in blurred words
and we'd forget whose voice came first
as your esses wrap around my tees.
I think it needs another stanza, I'm working on it. This is the first thing I've written in a while. Critique is loved!
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Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2012 12:33 pm
I agree about maybe needing another stanza. From what you have, it makes me think of remembering the time you speak of in a hazy darkened room within ones mind. One thing that I love about your writing (I am in your guild!) is that you can really fall into it and your style is solid, yet open to interpretation. Great job!
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