Up until a few days ago, I wasn’t aware there was any deep-seated problem between us. There are definitely some misunderstandings in your message, but yeah, also some issues that I agree are concerns.
1. First, I want to make it clear that I never disliked you as a person – in fact, most of the problems I had were related to space sharing. It was not your constant presence in the house that bothered me (how could it when Jules was always there too), but more so some habits that I thought were inconsiderate. Jules and I had our boundaries where if I was not in the house, he wouldn’t be either. This was not the case with you and Adam, and I found it strange that I went from having 2 roommates to essentially 3. I'm not blaming you for that, but it’s not true that you cleaned up after every mess; actually there were a few memorable times where I was cleaning your things around you, while you were drawing on your tablet. It was nice of you to purchase dish soap and paper towels, but I would have been less frustrated if you instead kept your items in order. Perhaps I expect a lot from a guest, but I was raised to be a bit more respectful in another’s home. Anyway, this probably built up some resentment over the months, but I had brushed it all under the rug until you mentioned it.
The only incident I remember that involved direct conflict between us was when after playing anime on the TV, you thought I was making fun of you and later stormed out of the house in tears. While yes, I was irritated, that was because I had studied for 8 hours that day and was looking for peace and quiet at home. I was in the process of trying to tell you, but you had already picked up on it and reacted. Asides from a few board game nights, I don’t remember anything else. I thought that I had tried to include you many times at the house and I genuinely had nothing against you, but please refresh my memory if otherwise.
2. Yes, I believe in personality disorders and no, I was not aware you had a diagnosis. I never expected you to be the life of the party and hope you didn't feel pressured to be, but I did believe that you would be bothered at times if he came out without you. Whether you would guilt him into staying or not, is really none of my business.
3. I did not invite you directly to the party because I knew that you did not get along with some of the others attending, you’d likely be uncomfortable with the idea of a strip club (which you can’t deny you were), and because in my experience, you cling heavily to Adam in those kinds of situations and I wanted him to be worry-free for one night. That reasoning, along with the fact that you are his ex and I know little about your current relationship, made me decide not to overcomplicate the matter by sending you an invitation. It wasn’t out of hate towards you, and you’ll notice that when Andre asked if it was alright with me that you came, I didn’t say no. It was Adam’s 25th birthday, and I just wanted him to have fun. Sadly, I don’t think that was the case. As for you ignoring me and vice versa, that again ties into my expectations of a guest. I thought that it was common courtesy for one to acknowledge the presence of a host, even more so if it was someone you’re supposedly on shaky ground with. Needless to say, I was drunk and insulted.
4. It’s not my place to say anything about this other than that we both know Adam is a really nice guy who will never say no.
If there are any items in the house you feel are yours, by all means please ask for them. I really do appreciate the efforts you made in the house, but I think we both recognize that we wouldn't get along as roommates. I don't want to be your enemy either, nor do I want to appear aggressive in sending this – but just like you, I had some things to get out in the open.
Sylvia
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