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realityagainsttheburdened

PostPosted: Wed Mar 07, 2012 2:50 pm


Hello, I was just wondering if you guys would read this and tell me what you think about it. It's the prologue of the story I started for NaNoWriMo last November, if you want I can also post more. smile

Warning: Some strong language



Prologue
The night was dark and cold but the young man barely noticed it as he walked down the street and towards the bar, the air outside it smelled strongly of cigarette smoke and drunks hung out about the front door, smelling of alcohol and their own vomit.
Tate Constantine Unin curled his cream toned nose at them as he walked passed them and pushed the oak wood door open, and walked into the bar, music and the sound of laughter met his ears along with a rush of warm air.
A sigh escaped his lips before his bright almost lime colored green eyes swept across the main bar and he slowly walked up to a bar stand and to the stools, he nibbled on the inside of his cheek a moment before he sat his round bum on one of the wooden stools. His fake ID felt like it was about to burn a hole through his back right pocket, right through his checkered wallet.
He was two years away from twenty-one, and he had never drank before, of course, he knew that his dad would buy him beer if he asked him to, but something about it wouldn’t be the same to Tate, he wanted to experience life before he went to college.
His heart pounded against his chest, fear of being caught shivered through his bones and he found himself nibbling on the inside of his cheek again. “Just relax,” he thought to himself, reaching his hand up to brush his auburn bangs out of his face. He couldn’t believe he was so nervous about it and he wished he could be as brave as his dad.

Unknown to the nineteen year old, he was being watched from across the bar. A man with dark hair had caught sight of him and had been watching him for several moments; it was almost as if he couldn’t take his eyes off of the man, mesmerized by the nervous and skittish movements of the younger looking man.
“Kaylem?” The girl with him, his girlfriend, Blaise Cytes, snapped him out of his dazed state and his pale blue eyes went to her, “God, I’ve been talking to you the past three minutes, did you hear anything I said?” She snapped, prissily her light blue eyes narrowed at him like daggers.
Kaylem Von Spieks passed her a smile, “Of course,” he said, even though they both knew that he hadn’t been listening to a word of what she was saying (which was nothing new at the least), his eyes drifting back to the bar for a few moments, the man there hadn’t moved.
“Goddamn it, what is so interesting over there?” Blaise snapped, slamming her beer bottle down against the table as she looked the direction her boyfriend’s eyes were facing, “I don’t see anything over there that looks interesting.”
He jumped slightly at the sudden violence of her movements and breathed out a sigh as a frown found his pale lips, “Now, now, calm down, Blaise,” he said, casually, “I was just looking at the prices on the sign over there behind the bartender,” his lie was easy to tell, the sign was behind the bartender, and in front of the bartender was the being his eyes had been settled on, “Did you notice they upped the price for beer in bottles? Cans are a lot cheaper now, even if they give you less.” He mused as his eyes drifted to the bottle clenched in her hand.
She let out a sound of anger and slammed the bottle back against the table once more, “And your mother claims you don’t have an attention defective disorder?” She snorted and rolled her eyes as she flicked her fake blond hair over her shoulder, “The only time you pay attention is during sex, and barely long enough for that!”
“Hey now, babe, don’t hate.” He mused, just to piss her off a bit more.

Tate shifted uneasily under the gaze of the bartender, he felt like the man’s dark brown eyes were piercing into his soul and he gulped slightly, opening his mouth to spew out an apology before running off, but much to his surprise, the bartender wordlessly set a beer can down in front of him before he leaned forward, “This is the only time I’m going to let you get away with this,” he told him, “You’re lucky I know Zero.”
He blinked though he knew he shouldn’t have been surprised to hear that, it seemed like everyone knew his father from somewhere, the all so famous but not actually famous Epemetheus Krestopher Unin, just Zero to everyone in the world who knew him.
When Tate was a little boy he had thought his dad as some type of god, he could get them into any place and they never got in trouble, only when he was a todder and his mother and him always got into it about whose day it was to have him.
That had been the worst part growing up for him, the hatred between his mother and his dad, they didn’t love each other, or even like each other when they had him, so they didn’t like each other anymore after he was born. They fought over who had him what days and he was usually with his dad; all but day’s he had to work. He had never mind being close to his dad, his daddy was his savior, and still was.
He laughed at himself quietly for thinking of all of this at a time like this; he was sitting in a bar, he had heard of drinking problems away, but not trying to erase childhood pain that he couldn’t help. His dad had saved him and got full parent ship of him as fast as he could, even if it took until he was three years old for the court to hand him to his ex. drug addict dad and his lover, Jackie.

Tate shook his head quickly and reached out for the beer can and glanced around as he popped the lid open and it made the similar pop a soda can would make, it was calming to him for some reason and he sighed at himself, he felt like a child about to try to learn how to ride a bike or how to swim.
Pursing his lips, he took a calming breath before he closed his eyes and lifted the can in his hand, bringing it to his lips before he took a small drink, his nose curled at the liquid slid down his throat, it tasted bitter. He coughed and set the can down as he shook his head a bit. How could most people drink that?
With a quiet sigh, he picked the can back up and gave it another try only to set the can back down on the counter, “Ugh,” he groaned before he ran his hand over his face, hearing a chuckle, he glanced up and flushed as the bartender laughed at him, “What?” He asked, with a bit of a huff before he looked away and back to the can sitting in front of him. Why couldn’t he be normal and just like it? Had he been destined to be different because of the way the stars lined on the day he was born?
Now he did laugh, rather loudly at that, at himself for thinking such a ridiculous thing. The stars? He had never believed that silly superstitious star stuff, he knocked on wood and tossed salt over his shoulder if he accidently knocked down the salt shaker, but stars? A bunch of crazy the Greeks and Romans made up to make people fear their gods.

Kaylem had finally went back to Blaise complaining about wanting to get her nails done when he heard a laugh and glanced back over at the bar, he curiously watched the younger man laugh at himself and an amused smile found his lips until he felt his girlfriend’s eyes digging into his skin with flames of hate and a million daggers, her ‘I’m going to kill you in your sleep’ look.
“You are really starting to get on my nerves, what is with you to night?” She demanded, “Don’t you care about a word I have to say?” She asked, dramatically as she pressed her right hand back against her forehead with a sigh, “I listen to all you have to say but you never listen to me!”
At that he couldn’t help but snort, “You listen to me? Really, Blaise? I don’t think anyone would believe that bullshit lie,” he said, and then frowned when her eyes widened at him, “I always try to talk to you about work, about how I feel, and you saying the feelings are too compassionate and you want me to be a man and talk about manly things like cars and sports,” he looked away from her, out the window beside him instead of the man on the other side of the bar, “You should know by now I’m not like that.”
She frowned and for once she almost looked like she cared, but only almost, “Oh, Kay, you know I love you,” she told him, reaching out to set her hand on his, “I love how you write music, and poems and how you draw and paint and do tattoo’s.”
His eyes flicked to her, pale dark blue meeting light blue, before he gave her a goofy grin to calm the mood and make things less serious, “You just like me because I’m bad,” he purred teasingly, “Because I have a motorcycle, piercings and tattoos.”
Blaise couldn’t help but grin at his words, “All of those things are a plus, I do love all of that, especially Prince Albert.” She then took a rather manly swig of her beer and he held in an inner groan.
Sometimes she made him doubt just how manly he was, when she drank like a sailor, cussed like one and burped loudly. Not to mention that her farts could kill puppies and her singing broke glass and made ears bleed.
At an odd look she gave him, he looked up and rose a brow, “If you puke, puke the other way.” He told her, quite serious.
She giggled, “Oh, Kay,” she said and shook her head, “I’m not going to puke, I want you to tell me a poem, or make a poem, one you wrote.”
He gave her a weird look at her strange request that came out of the blue, no doubt she wanted to be reminded why she kept him around, “Um, alright, let me think,” he said, his eyes flicking around as he took a drink of his beer, eyes landing on the other man again for just a moment before he forced them away from him, his eyes flicking to the clock on the wall above the head of the other instead,
“Time fades,
clocks trip,
fingers fumble,
and hearts break,
the sky falls,
the earth shakes,
you cry,
he cries,
she cries,
and we all,
die.”
He said before his pale eyes went back to her and he laughed when a drunken man at the table behind them gave a clap to him and exclaimed a ‘good job’ before he went back to drinking himself away from the world.
A frown found Blaise’s lips, “Why do you always have those . . . those dumbass emo poems? About death and darkness?” She asked as she curled her nose in disgust, “You should write about happy things, like love. Not fumbling fingers and broken hearts.” At least it seemed like she had been paying attention to what he had been saying for once; she listened a lot better than he did most of the time, just not when he complained or when he was sore and tired from working all day long.
Kaylem frowned and sighed, “You asked me for a poem, so I gave you one.” He snapped a bit, getting tired of her that night; he didn’t understand why she always tried to bring him down.

When poetry hit his ears, Tate’s head turned his green eyes flicked along the tables behind him, the poem had been beautiful, something about the words stung at his heart, it reminded him of Edgar Allen Poe but it was nothing by Poe he had ever heard before and he had studied Poe as if he was a god for years, him and Shakespeare.
His eyes then met a set of pale blue ones, connected to the blue eyes was a handsome face, heart shaped with high cheek bones, that was surrounded by shaggy dark brown hair that fell against it and against his neck. The nineteen year old’s heart skip and he found his eyes trapped at the mercy of those blue eyes, caught in a spell until the other looked away when the woman he was with snapped something at him.
He felt like he had lost a piece of his soul and quickly looked away from the man, looking to the beer can in front of him before he stood up, his heart still felt like he was racing.
This couldn’t be real, he didn’t believe at love at first sight and he couldn’t be gay. No, no. His mother had told him he would be if he was raised by his dad and Jackie but he had never believed it.
He pulled his wallet out of his pocket and tossed a couple bucks on the counter before he shoved his wallet back into his pocket and hurried out of there as fast as he could.

Kaylem’s eyes snapped up just in time to see the man he had been watching rush out of the bar, he nearly stood up and went after him, but Blaise also turned to look to see what he was looking after so longingly. He mentally cursed and grabbed her hand just before she could turn her head and see the younger man, she didn’t know of her boyfriend’s sexual orientation and he was sure he would never hear the end of it if she did.
“How about we get out of here already?” He suggested, “The smell is starting to get to me, I wouldn’t mind getting you home anyway.” He gave her a smirk as he watched her, hoping she would go along with it and they would leave quickly; in reality he just wanted to see if he could see which way the younger man went, what car he drove or which way he walked.
“I’m not done drinking yet,” Blaise complained and waved her hand for another beer, shoving her bottle to the side with the other three empty one’s that she had already downed within the hour they had been there, “Besides, we rarely get to have fun together places anymore, with you always working and tired.”
He rubbed his temples and watched her a moment before he glanced outside before he sighed a bit, slowly sinking into the back of the seat behind him, discouraged, but he knew it was wrong to chase after someone with his girlfriend in toe. They had been dating for over three years, neither of them spoke of marriage and she still didn’t take the relationship serious, he was pretty sure she had ‘friends’ on the side that she used when he was too tired to put it in her.
“Oh, Kay, what’s with that look?” She asked him with a not so cute pout, “You know it’s true, and I love being out with you, you can show me off and I can show you off,” she purred, “All the men will be jealous of you, and all the women jealous of me.”
His skin almost crawled at her over self-confidence, anymore he honestly didn’t think she was much of a prize, when he first met her she had been beautiful, with long curly brown hair and normal non plastic breasts (which he had absolutely loved) but then she changed. She dyed her hair and begged her rich daddy to buy her fake breasts, she always tried to get her nails done and she bitched like a dog when she missed a day of tanning.
He wasn’t sure why he was even with her anymore; he twirled the beer in his beer can around as he thought about that. He had loved her at one point, but love sometimes fades, had his love faded completely? Would it be to cliché to say, “Love fades, mine has?” and leave her with their apartment and her annoying yappy dog?
“Kaylem?” Her voice shoved him out of his thoughts as she gave him a soft look that made him feel guiltier than a stripper at church, “What’s wrong? You are so weird anymore; you just get so quiet sometimes. Don’t tell me your depression is back, we can get your medicine again, don’t worry.”
He nearly groaned, of course, she would go straight to depression that was always his problem no matter what according to her. “I just want to leave.” He told her, simply and stood up as he watched her to see if she would follow.
She hesitated before she frowned and stood up from the table as well, “Fine,” she said, “Let’s go home then, we can find something on the television and snuggle on the couch to it.”
He had to admit that didn’t sound too bad, it meant he would get away with falling asleep instead of falling asleep while they were doing something else, which he had before when they were doing a very different something else in their bed.
PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 11:56 am


it'd be easier if he'd just tell his girlfriend about the guy staring at him. don't keep her in suspicion; usually women think you're cheating in situations like this. smile


Bontemo Ifiichei

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 12:02 pm


wulf ninja warrior2
it'd be easier if he'd just tell his girlfriend about the guy staring at him. don't keep her in suspicion; usually women think you're cheating in situations like this. smile


what what would you know about women? you spend most of your life brushing them off. stare

by the way, i'm sure it was something he didn't wanted to worry her with at the time; minor details is all.
PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 12:32 pm


As a female, and the writer, I of course.
Know things you guys don't. ;D

Anyway, did you guys like it?

realityagainsttheburdened


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 1:47 pm


WickedUgly
As a female, and the writer, I of course.
Know things you guys don't. ;D

Anyway, did you guys like it?


i did.
PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 1:48 pm


Would you like me to post the first chapter then? c:

realityagainsttheburdened


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 31, 2012 1:52 am


I thought it was great.You should definitely expand on it and make it into a novel.I love the use of the term "something else" in the last paragraph.Made me crack up a little bit.
PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 3:34 pm


Thanks, and haha yeah^^
It's currently like 100+? pages, but ah. Mushy scenes. I always get stuck on em.

realityagainsttheburdened

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