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 Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2012 1:59 pm
QUEST FORM
Basics ::
xxxxxName: Malo
xxxxxNickname(s): Malo the Wicked, Wicked Malo, Mal, Wick
xxxxxFaction: Hearts
xxxxxAge: 18
xxxxxHeight: 5 ft, on the dot.
xxxxxBody Type: Slender, but not frail.
Poké-basics ::
xxxxxPokemon: Chandelure (currently litwick)
xxxxxPokemon type: Ghost/Fire
xxxxxNatural Ability: Flash Fire
xxxxxPerma: No.
xxxxxMoveset:
(Litwick: Infant/Young child)
Ember
Will-o-Wisp
Confuse Ray
Night Shade
(Lampent: Child/Teen)
Flame Burst
Will-o-wisp
Confuse Ray
Hex
(Chandelure: Adult)
Overheat
Will-o-Wisp
Curse
Shadow ball
Personality ::
xxxxxPositive Traits
Trait 1 Cheerful: Malo is usually smiling, laughing, skipping, humming and playing. It is very rare to see him in a sad or contemplative state. His sorrowful states are short lived and can almost end spontaneously. He can be depressed and deep in thought one minute and bouncing off the walls the next. Spreading cheer is his forte, or so he likes to think. His need to smile and laugh even outweighs common sense, and he will chortle in atmospheres of danger or combat. His smile and laughter have been prone to come off as creepy in some cases, because intense yellow eyes and a ghostly visage don't really fit the bill.
"Oh dear dear. That's a sorry looking face. *giggles as he flips upside down* Do you have any idea what the white flower said to the purple one? BREATHE, YOU MORON! *bursts into ravenous laughter* No? Well, did you hear about the fire over at clubs? Parts of it were IN TENTS! "
Trait 2 Affectionate: It can take some energy to become Malo's friend, as he seems to be perpetually on the move. He only really stays and talks on occasion. But once friendship is made, Malo becomes overly affectionate. He is more likely to listen to friends and less likely to embarrass them with his often humiliating pranks. (It is even less likely he will drain out their life energy.) He is fond of their physical contact, like hand holding, hugging and nuzzling cheeks. Only his friends get told secrets about the castle and hear his best jokes. He is very selfless around his friends, but the Queen trumps his opinion on anyone. He craves her attention and love, so loyal to her that he would drain the life of his best friend if she asked. He is hesitant to kiss people because of his feeding method; using his lips to drain life energy, causing them to become fatigued, usually with migraines.
"Oh, its you again! How fanciful! *takes your hand and nuzzles his cheek against it, his own flesh a mix of bitter cold and burning warmth* Its is lovely to see you. Come, come, have a cake. *reaches into his coat and draws out several wrapped cakes* They're to die for."
xxxxxNeutral Traits
Trait Curious: Malo is very strange in his mannerisms and thought process. There is a thick air of mystery about him and its very hard to tell what he is thinking or if he is even thinking at all at sometimes. He has a peculiar way of doing most things, like only being able to sit with his legs stretched out, or only being able to sleep by firelight in a strung hammock. He also thinks, and voices, bizarre thoughts that other people can't begin to fathom. To him, doing things by the book is just so boring!
"I wish I could bottle children's tears and sell them."
xxxxxNegative Traits
Trait 1 Frivolous: It is hard to take Malo seriously because he rarely seems to take anything seriously! Life's a game to him and he plays it to the fullest. He hardly does a lick of work around the castle and the chores he has to do are turned into games. Some people would call him useless, and he finds this hard to disagree with. He has little concern about things others might find dire or horrific. He can be cruel, making jokes about these grim situations. He also doesn't seem to care about life or death, especially when it comes to others. He would rather laugh than dwell on the upsetting thoughts that sometimes plague his mind, and he is happier chuckling about upsetting events than crying over them. Working for the red queen means he witnesses many of these events.
"Well, it seems he got ahead of himself. *watching the decapitated head roll off the chopping block* c: "
Trait 2 Liar: Malo is extremely dishonest. He fabricates grand stories about adventures he never had, for entertainment purposes. Even beyond that he rarely tells the truth. He believes dishonesty will keep him out of trouble and he pins blame on innocent parties. He uses his melodramatic ways to make people believe him. He even lies about trivial things, like what he had for lunch. Its very hard to tell when he really is telling the truth. He even falsifies things when there was a present witness, or when the evidence is undeniable. He is only honest with the Queen, whom (he believes) is his one true love. There's no lying about that.
"No, no. I didn't eat a whole cake. *frosting on his lips and crumbs on his outfit*"
xxxxxLikes: The Queen, pranks, rhymes (but not poems), puppets, masks and masquerades, riddles and jokes, scaring/entertaining people, the Club's theme park, magic tricks, stealing, being bothersome.
xxxxxDislikes: Being caught, having to reconcile for his jokes, cleaning and other chores, sleeping, having to collect life energy when he's having fun, being serious, the Queen being cross with him/ dismissing him, people not laughing at his trickery
xxxxxFavourite Food: Anything sweet, but mostly candy and cake. He also likes spicy food. He needs ample life energy to remain alive, however, which he often drains from prisoners or wayward children from other factions. He extracts this energy by kissing, causing headaches, fatigue and sometimes memory loss.
xxxxxHobbies:
-Puppetry: He loves to make grim storylines with both hand puppets and marionettes.
-Practical Trickery: Pranks, magic tricks, tomfoolery (For instance, flooding the bathroom toilets with bubbles, using chairs to bar doors, rearranging furniture and jumping out and screaming at people.)
-Thrill Seeking: Sledding off the castle roof, dubious risks, the rides in Clubs; those sorts of thing give him a rush that actually helps him relax.
xxxxxInterests:
-Kite flying: When the winds are right, he'll borrow one of the palace kites and take it out for a spin. Its never a problem to make it fly, since he can go as high as he wants and release it. Its not so much kite flying as it is air surfing, but the wind has to be strong enough and he needs a lot of time to get home.
-Plays: Like going to the movies for a child on earth, Malo loves a good play every now and then. Some plays he has seen so many times he can quote them by heart. He can only partake in his love for them when there is either a new one out or one that he loves so much it is worth seeing again. Its not just the acting, but the costumes too.
-Coloring/drawing: He is not very good at it, but he loves to color and draw. He usually draws abstract things, sometimes on paper, sometimes on the walls. There is limited access to drawing materials, however, and he refuses to steal paint from the Queen's stores.
xxxxxFaction Opinion:
He enjoys living in Hearts. There's a lot of easy meals and sweet treats, plus lots of room for pranks. There's many guests he can entertain, which he does happily. Its not as fun as the Club's theme park, which he visits often, but its safe. There's also the Queen, whom he loves to entertain and has a massive crush on. As long as he doesn't upset her...when she's angry, she terrifies him.
xxxxxAspirations:
He wants to make the Queen as happy as he can. A smile from her royal lips is worth everything to him. He would kill for her.
He also wants to be realm known for his dubious pranks and tricks, whether it is a good thing or a bad thing.
Employment::
xxxxxTitle: Phantom Jester
xxxxxJob: He works a double shift in the Queen's castle. He is a court jester, acting as prompt entertainment for social events or private audiencess. When he is not required for these duties, he acts as the castle poltergeist, to make life more interesting for everyone involved.
Appearance::
xxxxxHair: Shoulder blade length, long and wispy like a candle flame. It could also be done up in a ponytail.
xxxxxEyes: Yellow and striking. They could be mischievous or intense.
xxxxxSkin tone: Caucasian, pale.
xxxxxPalette: this and this
xxxxxClothing: Something fierce and gothic. Long and draping, but rather intimidating would be ideal. I'd like lots of straps and dark tones. Perhaps like this.
xxxxxAdditional: Flames incorperated somewhere. Perhaps they merely float around him or are attached to his clothes or body. It would also be cool if he had black facial markings to match Chandelure.
I also had thoughts of a masquerade-like mask with a ghostly or chandelure-eqsue face on them. Perhaps a half-mask, like phantom of the opera, or something like this or this, only in the chandelure palette. I was thinking he could be looking from behind it on the cert. This is completely optional, of course.
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Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 8:46 am
Okay, heyo! I'm gonna talk about things in order, from top to bottom, so you can run on down it with me!
First off, I like what I see of his character so far! I think his constant attempt to please the Red Queen is a really cute dynamic, and meshes very well with his childlike nature! He has a crush and that's adorable, rofl rofl.
At least... I think he does! You haven't really provided much information about his personality! I feel like I've only been given a glimpse at his character, and at the moment, he seems very one-dimensional, just a childlike joker. I think you'll find you can very rarely sum up anyone you know in two words. I think this can be resolved by expanding your personality traits a little, maybe including more specific examples of how they manifest, or the reasoning behind each trait for his character?
Also, I wonder if you really mean immature at all, given your description... This sounds more like frivolous, or maybe silly.
His hobbies fit very well with what, again, I believe to be his character, because they're very playful and energy-fueled, but his interests... All three of them require a very adult amount of patience to excel in, and I wonder if his immature nature would allow him to focus long enough to stack up dominoes, or if he'd have the responsibility to maintain a garden? I'd say give them a look and see if they REALLY fit his character.
Again, I really like his obsession with the queen, and I think it could be a very interesting facet of Malo and his growth as a character xD
Essentially, what I'd like to see from you: expand on the personality a bit, with extra consideration given to the “immature” trait. I'm not saying you should toss it, but I think you might mean something different, and it's confusing me a bit. Give it a little thought!
I'll see you when you update this, and keep up the good work <3
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Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 12:47 pm
and a quote for good measure rofl rofl
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Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 1:58 pm
Dakka Domi and a quote for good measure rofl rofl ready for crit #2. c:
I want to add additionally that it might be interesting that he gets life energy from prisoners, both when he's growing and as an adult. He may even make a creepy, childish game out of killing them when he's an adult.
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Posted: Mon Mar 05, 2012 2:23 pm
Okay, heyo! I'm gonna talk about things in order, from top to bottom, so you can run on down it with me!
You're doing better, that's for sure! You've done an awesome job expanding the traits and revising interests, and you're on the right track.
Persistence & Frivolous – These two traits conflict. Normally, this isn't a big problem, seeing as we're naturally conflicting beings as humans, but my big issue is this: you talk in absolutes.
“Malo does not give up whatever he is doing, no matter how important, trivial, or it is. He is steadfast with anything...”
While on the other hand, “It is hard to take Malo seriously because he never seems to take anything seriously... He hardly does a lick of work around the castle.”
On the one hand, you say he NEVER gives up when he's doing something, but on the other hand you say he hardly does ANYTHING. I think these are two clashing mentalities, one that's very work-oriented and the other that's very play-oriented.
I'd say try to eliminate absolutes in both of them, by providing examples of when these traits DON'T occur, like in cheerful, affectionate, and Liar.
At the moment, I see a very good personal conflict in his frivolity, as well. I think you could do well to expand upon and develop how his inability to be serious affects him, and it could serve as a major flaw that makes him interesting. This is also why I say his persistent trait is such a disconnect, because it takes away from this LOL
So that's my big issue for this crit! As I said, you're doing very well, and you're getting closer!
I'll be back next time you edit things, and good luck <3
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Posted: Mon Mar 05, 2012 3:51 pm
ok! strike three! batter up! biggrin (aka you can crit again when you wanna)
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Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 6:07 pm
Okay, heyo! I'm gonna talk about things in order, from top to bottom, so you can run on down it with me !
You're getting close, you're getting very close!
Affectionate: This section is just fine, I just want to establish something: Malo's powers can't kill someone. By sapping their life, he can make them sleepy, but I'm sorry to say he can't kill somebody with them. It's just a little TOO powerful. Doesn't bar him from feats of strengths, or, say, stabbity-stabbities, just nothing in the realm of inherent powers!
Clever: As you've written it, this is a positive trait! There are really no detractors to this, and it serves only to help Malo. What you want to think about when writing a neutral trait is something that simply exists with no inherent effect one way or the other, but, depending on the situation, can act either way.
I think your best bet on this one, if you'd like to keep this concept, is to expand upon his bizarre ways of thinking, where his different thought-processes might benefit him in some ways, and yet cause trouble when left unchecked. You dig?
Frivolous: I'm a little bit confused about the inclusion of the second paragraph! You're following my advice, yes, but I don't see how his frivolity is connected to a desire to be helpful. It just seems... a little out of place. I think you're better off by expanding upon his frivolity as a coping mechanism!
Liar: Same deal as last trait! Why is this second paragraph here? I thought he had such a huge crush on the Red Queen! I don't think this has gone away, so I wonder if he'd look at other potential lovers? Bear in mind, this is your character, not mine, but it kind of clashes with my understanding of little Malo!
Once again, you're getting really close! You're really narrowing down the issues, and I think you're doing a great job of developing Malo. Just a few more things and you'll be about ready <3
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Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 7:47 pm
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Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2012 5:27 pm
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