Welcome to Gaia! ::

I don't know if I am posting this in the right place, but since the Spambox is the forum for spamming if you are going to spam I guess that it can fit here. Anyway... I figured that it was about time for me to go ahead and let the cat out of the bag even though many of you already figured this out a long while back. I am Sergeant JJ or should I say Logan (Confniben) Alexandra (Beriadanwen). I got the username from the elvish translation of the two names. I didn't tell everyone sooner because I didn't want to keep the tension at a maximum. I knew that sooner or later everything would die down.

I just wanted to give you all an update as to what has been happening in my life since the last time that we talked. I have found somebody that really wants to be together with me and that I want to spend every waking moment of every day with. This man even stayed with me after he found out that I had a mental breakdown and ended up in a mental health facility. I will admit that he is mentally unstable, but so are a lot of other people in this world... as am I when I am not on my anti-anxiety medications. The best part about this relationship is that neither one of us is abusive towards the other.

Some of you may still be hung up on the part of my last paragraph that said that I was in a mental health facility... and I am alright with the fact that you are hung up on that. I had a mental breakdown because of all of the pain that I had to deal with in the past three years and I needed a vacation from reality desperately. I looked for it at the bottom of a few liquor bottles, I attempted to find it through an illegal drug, and I found that none of it helped. I got desperate to find the end of the racing thoughts and the stabilization of my moods, so I finally found myself with a decision of taking care of it one of two ways... and neither of those ways was religion. I chose to go to a mental health facility instead of the alternative. I made a friend, got to know an acquaintance, and found somebody that I hadn't seen in many years (I found myself). I think that the best part of this was that I found a way for me to be happy without having to rely on somebody else to bring that happiness to me.

The final thing that has happened is that I found myself failing the classes that I had this semester and rather than worrying about the fact that I am failing them I am finding myself at peace. It doesn't make me happy to know that I am about to have the carpet ripped out from underneath me concerning financial aid, but I can just sue the school for forcing another semester on me when I told them that I needed a semester away. I knew that this mental breakdown was coming quickly when I made this avatar but I had to make sure that everybody would be alright before I completely fell apart.

Well... I think that I am finished filling everyone in on what I have been doing and how I am. I will likely go back to lurking every once in awhile like I had been doing in the past. May peace be with you. Godspeed.