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There are several aspects to this issue so bear with me while I try to explain. sweatdrop

My boyfriend and I have been attempting to have sex for a few months now (both virgins), but he can't get in further than a centimeter or two. This is due largely in part to the fact that even though I'm more than ready to have sex with him, I get nervous in anticipation of pain. So, the second he tries to enter me, I tense up, flinch away, and any attempt at penetration makes me whimper in pain.

He then attempted to use his finger, and only got in as far as the first knuckle before I felt a burning sensation, tensed up, and made him stop.

I've seen been trying to get my own finger inside me, but I also can only get up to my first knuckle. I don't know if I'm going in at the wrong angle or what, but after a certain point, I can't go any further. It doesn't hurt or burn when I try myself, but I do feel this sort of... wall. It feels hard, and almost like a bump. It's very uncomfortable to push on. I'm sort of assuming that this may be my hymen, as I've never so much as inserted a tampon inside of me, but should it really feel hard like that? Should it be that low inside me? (like I said, I can only go up until the 1st knuckle until I feel I can't go any further.)

The fact that I just can't get /anything/ inside of me is making me stressed out, which just adds to the anxiety over the entire situation. I want to have sex with my boyfriend more than anything, and although he's really patient and kind with me, we're both really disappointed that we've tried many times with absolutely no success whatsoever.

So I guess I'm looking for some advice on:
1. How to get over my fear of pain
2. Wtf this hard thing is
3. How can I and/or my boyfriend actually get inside x___x

EDIT: I'm -always- soaking wet AND my boyfriend lubes up, so I know for sure that dryness isn't part of the issue.

The cervix can be low enough for you to feel with your finger, and it would feel kind of like a hard impenetrable wall. But it should be a lot farther up than the first knuckle of your finger. So I doubt that that's the issue.

A lot of people think the hymen is way up inside the v****a and always tears during sex. But that isn't true. The hymen is actually part of the external female genitalia. That means it's right at the entrance to the v****a, not way up inside. Hymens can tear or wear down before a girl has sex. Or they can stretch and remain intact during sex. Or, while it certainly is not the norm, some hymens can be so thick, and tough, and not stretchy that they may make insertion extremely difficult or even impossible. In those cases, a doctor may need to cut it. So a really thick and tough hymen could be the issue. There would have to be holes in it somewhere if your menstrual fluid is getting out, but it's possible that the holes are not big enough for you to feel or get a finger inside of. You can try getting a mirror and having a look down there, but it can difficult to know what's what, so don't be disappointed if you're still not sure what your hymen is like even after looking.

Another possibility is vaginismus. Vaginismus is basically when the walls of the v****a clench so tight that insertion can be incredibly painful, difficult, or impossible. There isn't really a physical wall there, but the muscles can clench so tight that they can feel like a wall. Vaginsmus is usually caused by a woman being afraid of sex in some way. Sometimes because she thinks it will hurt, sometimes because there was past sexual abuse that any penetration still reminds her of, etc. Women with vaginismus usually respond very well to treatment. Treatment usually consists of some combination of counseling, education, and slowly putting larger and larger things into the v****a until intercourse is possible. If you want to read more about vaginismus, check out this site: http://www.vaginismus.com/faqs/vaginismus-questions/what-is-vaginismus

If you're positive that you're well lubricated and in the mood, then I'm kind of leaning toward vaginismus. But it's impossible for us to say for sure. We're not doctors, and even if we were we would not be able to diagnose you with any certainty over the internet. You will have to visit a doctor to find out for sure what's going on. But that's just as well because you should visit a doctor anyway if you're ready to be sexually active. You should get a hormonal method of birth control, and you should see if the doctor wants to give you a pap (some doctors give women paps as soon as they start having sex, other doctors wait a few years, so it depends on the doctor - although if you do have vaginismus your pap might have to wait until you're making progress with that treatment regardless of when the doctor would otherwise give you a pap). If you don't have health insurance or if you don't want your parents to find out about this, you can visit a clinic like Family Planning or Planned Parenthood. Their services are free or low cost, and they'll even help you hide the fact that you were there from your parents if you want.

If the problem is your hymen it's possible that it will just tear, stretch, or wear down eventually. But it's also possible that your hymen won't tear, stretch, or wear down any time soon, at least not without a lot of force and a lot of pain. And the problem might be something other than or in addition to your hymen. So don't force it and don't sit around hoping the problem fixes itself. See a doctor to find out for sure. You need to go in anyway if you haven't already to talk about birth control and paps.