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 Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2006 5:34 pm
Yes... this is just where I'll be storing thoughts, feelings, note, whatever. Be prepared for ranting - because it might just turn into a place to vent.
Because I DO vent! Really! I do! I am angry! Yup... one angry person!
EDIT: Do feel free to respond.
Oh look, nothing angry yet!
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Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2006 5:39 pm
Secrets:
Secrets - how long should one keep them?
What is the truth behind them? Why are they kept? Because they are dangerous? If they are so dangerous... why are they hidden? A crocodile is most dangerous because most don't see them there in the water... until it is too late. Do we really need to harbour these vicious creatures?
Or perhaps keeping the secret isn't hiding them in the water... but rather keeping a secret is fencing off that body of water and warning people not to go near the water - because crocodiles might be lying in wait.
Why are some of the most trivial things big dark secrets?
I've got a secret - and it might just get me in trouble with some people of which I have built up pleasant acquaintenceships(is that a word even?) with.
Or maybe they'll laugh...
...because it's all really about a prank that got out of hand....
Would you laugh?
Would you?
The truth would make me less spectacular. Perhaps less interesting. Perhaps pathetic in everyone's eyes. But I have never said a lie, I just never told the truth. That is how I guarded the secret - by not addressing it.
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Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 8:20 am
can I comment??
*comments anyway*
Not stating the truth is lying by omission, you know that. Well, you sould llike you would.
Most people guard hide secrets in the open. Some people don't want to see them, so even when they are in plain sight, they are ignored anyway.
Best thing about secrets; as long as you are the only one who knows it, it's good - it will have a higher chance of staying in the dark.
I believe that if more than one person knows about it, it's bound to leak. A secret turns into general knowledge the moment you share it.
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Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 9:11 am
Lucky for me the only person that knows my secret won't mingle with the society that could possibly be somewhat upset by it.
And go ahead and comment, I don't mind.
And I certainly know I'm being dishonest, but I'm still telling no lies.
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Posted: Fri Feb 24, 2006 11:37 pm
Hmmmmmmmmm here is a something. Here are some synopses on stories I have attempted writing in the past.
Untitled: My first story that was more than a mere short story I scribbled down in a journal and handed into to a teacher. I often thought up stories in my head or told them out loud, but none of them were very long. However, this was my first attempt at a 'novel' shall we say. It never got a title. I think it was going to be named "The Adventures of Tearn" but never did. This is one I had started in grade five. It was about your typical blue, spikey haired protagonist. He had joined some evil empire, but when they torched his hometown, and attacked his sister, he fought against them. The Emporer himself 'executed' him by stabbing him and throwing him off a cliff. However, he landed in a magical stream where the souls of long forgotten dragon people resided. They healed him and imbued him with special powers. He then set on a mission.... I can't remember what for other than to squish the evil plot of the emporer who were collecting something... I dunno... but I have a notebook that is full of characters in this story! Mind you, this was before I reached puberty it was so old! It will NEVER ever see the light of day or the eyes of another soul (other than the few friends I shared it with)
Soul Singer: This one started not long after I began Untitled, or Adventures of Tearn. This one was about an orphaned elf who was a thief living in a forest outside a small, remote town. Some years after some weird phenomenon, he finds a small girl in a prison of thorns. Upon freeing her, he gets pulled into many troubles. The girl is a brat, to say the least, and has mysterious powers. She may behave as helpless and stupid as any child one moment, then suddenly speaks with an adult's intellect and exerts a great amount of skill and power. This was a HUGE story that I wrote more of than the previous story. It ended up being in four parts, and then the fourth part was divided into scenarios that followed the different characters who had split up at the end of the third part. This one I have tried to rewrite a few times, but I have to admit, the story stinks.
Twisted Fates: This one is a dark spot on the chapter of my life. It surrounded four characters - and it was foggy as to who precisely the protagonist was. This story, the first draft, had a lot of filth in it, as I was going through a 'phase'. Things I was ashamed to write were in here (but I'm probably making it sound worse than it was). I've since toned it down, but there is still some implications, and still is one hot steamy dream sequence. Literally. It took place in an underground hotspring. Anyhow, it's about a father and his unlegitimate (illegitimate?) son. The father, Roccuku, comes from a race that has an inborn tendency towards rage and lust - but he is trying to redeem himself and live an honorable and upstraight life - and his motivation is seeing that his son, who is a halfblood, grows to be strong, moralistic, honorable, and pure. However, most halfbloods of this race are more prone to untameable rage. Lucky for him, his son is very mild, obedient and loyal. Anyhow, it starts out on a battlefield, where a town is attacked by the one and feared woman of many names. Although she appears mainly human, she is said to be a demon, for she attacks churches, and pious towns and cities, slaughtering the most righteous and innocent - being particularily known for slaughtering children. There are few survivors, and Roccuku and his son fight for their lives. However, the woman finds a sudden interest in his son and takes him a prisoner, with every intent of training and molding him to her own liking. Most of the conflicts are between the woman and Roccuku, as she presses to open his eyes to a world of grey, and he tries to maintain his ideals of black and white - with his son in the middle of it all. Although the first draft of this is something I'm embarassed about, I came to love this story.
(more coming in next post)
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Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 11:24 pm
Purple Boundaries: This one was inspired by a dream. It takes place in a world where there are mysterious purple, gme-like towers, called markers, that create boundaries. People who try to go past them are smited, cursed, or right out killed. However, a young girl embarks on a journey to find her older sister who mysteriously disappeared. On the way, she joins up with a mysterious 'blind' woman with white hair, who leads her on a journey to find more than her sister - to find the truth! She learns to reach beyond her boundaries, and to believe in herself.
Unjust Slayers - Lykhara's Tale: This one is actually, untouched, probably unread, in the writing thread somewhere. It's about a woman who is the daughter of a dragon slayer. Her father mysteriouslty disappeared in a search for dragons, which had become increasingly rare. She meets a strange magician and his apprentice, who is very mysterious. Um... that's all I have to say about it. It's got an end, unlike most of my other stories. It isn't terribly long either.
Mancers: HEY! Some of you may have noticed a mancers role play. Yessum, it started as a story. Well, first i was going to make an RPG from RPG maker, but I never got past making my own sprites. So I decided to write a story. I'm not planning on having any of the characters from the story interact in the role play, though. Just because the two main characters would not be FAIR to have in a role play, if you catch my drift. Anyhow, it's about Maele, a woman chaomancer, who can manifest all three chaomancery: fire, lightening, and dark force. She also has unusual, red eyes. There are only two other people like her - her prodigy animancer brother, Deryle, and a dark, mysterious man, the only male mendmancer ever recorded, Damyn. What starts off as a search for her missing brother, ends up taking her on a journey to learn more about disturbances in her world, Telestia, and about herself. The story does focus a lot on Damyn and Maele's interaction. Damyn was intended to be the real protagonist, but Maele just completely took over. It's her over-emotional tendencies that got her to the seat of protagonist. It was a lot easier to write what went on in her mind.
Drowned: Ummmm.... welll..... ummm..... yeah.... another dream one. It makes no sense. It's about a girl, who is under water... and she wanders around alone underwater. She sees shadows and ghosts.... but pretty much she's alone under water. Until she meets some mysterious guy, who is also underwater! <.< *coughs* She's walking around under water, got it? No, she is not a mermaid. She's a girl. In a T-shirt and jeans! With no recollection of who she is, where she is, but has enough sense to know, for a fact, that she should not be walking around under water. Because, well, it's impossible. But she's doing it.
Untitled: Oh look, another one. It was one I was writing in first person view about a girl.... a normal girl.... well, sort of normal. She's the angsty, loser type of normal. She is religious, and believes in God. She only has one friend, and treats her friend rather poor at that. She's too dependant on her mother, and is facing the reality that her mother won'y be around much. She's struggling in school, and has poor health. One day, however, she gets a visitation from some sort of divine entity, which tells her to hold strong to her beliefs, and warns her that she is in danger. She is left with a divine dagger, which she cannot let anyone lay eyes on, but has to keep with her, for it guides her. Yeah, sounds campy, doesn't it? Normal girl, weird thing happens, she gets some cool sorta object, and she has some sort of important part in some big picture. It didn't get far. It was just something I started writing for NaNoWriMo. I might pick it up again. I really need a story with a male protagonist... but even the few times I try, somehow the girl steps up into the spot of protagonist. Darned females are trying to rule my life! So pushy, and persuasive!
Lost Dimensions, Tearing the Veil: YAY! This one is in the writer's subforum as well! All I have to say, is go read it! Or else! Oh... what is it about? Well.... um... it's about a (oh gosh, could it be a) female protagonist! Her name is Shadyn! And uh, well.... just read it, alright? Since it's actually here I don't want to spoil things!
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Posted: Sat Mar 04, 2006 3:38 am
It's 3:25 am according to the clock on my computer.
I'm tired. Of course I am. But... well... who needs sleep? Sleep is for inferior lifeforms! So is oxygen.
I am working under a slight handicap. I happen to be human.
Since getting home from school, I have not had a creative thought in my head. Heck, even at school, despite being in Writing class and animation class, I have not had a creative thought in my head. Well, none worth much notice.
And now I can lay down, and let my mind wander to places it dares not during the day. The night, or the early morning, has a strange effect on the consciousness. Or perhaps, it is the lack of sleep. Perhaps it is the mind preparing for sleep. Sleepiness is not a complete, separate, state of mind, but rather a preparotory(sp?) transition! The body will soon fall insto a strange state of paralysis, although it may twitch from time to time. Your breathing and heartrate slow. Why? The brain never stops working. Neither does your autonomic functions. But, with your limbs effectively paralyzed, more oxygen can go to your brain, and it can recharge. That is what happens, your brain recharges. Why is it, then, that dreams are so strange? Rapid eye movement... paradoxical sleep... I don't understand it all that much. Wouldn't it take so much energy to generate all those images, sounds, and sensations? Yes, I am quite certain I have sensations in my dream. Most people do. Some describe falling, or flying. I don't have those dreams, but I have felt pain. Physical pain. I have had sensations on limbs I don't even have in reality - but had in my dream. Could you imagine an extension of your usual anotomy, be stinging with agonizing pain? How can something you don't have in your nervous system, or in or on your body, feel?
Dreams are so mysterious. I want to know how they work... but at the same time... I don't want scientists to ever understand them. I don't want that mysticism taken away.
The mind will never be widdled down to a science.
And I am confident in that. Study the structure and biology and chemistry of the brain all you want. Thoughts will never be measured. Behaviour will never be 100% predictable or controllable. Perosnalities will never be boiled down to mathematical equations... but.... the pursuit of such unattainable knowledge is quite interesting... yes no?
Alas, after letting these thoughts finally release from a catacomb of numbness, I think, perhaps, it is time for me to finally lay down and get some rest, and only hope for an interesting dream - one that I can remember, and get lost in even when I am awake.
Farewell yesterday.
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Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 9:22 am
What Went Wrong?
It's a question people ask all of the time I'm sure. Whether it's about something as why their cake didn't turn out, to why their children are rebelling.
People often want to know so they can fix it. However, sometimes, people just want to know what went wrong so they will stop imagining what went wrong and drive themselves crazy with the possibilities. Maybe they just want to know so to avoid that mistake in the future.
Knowing what went wrong can bring closure. Sometimes it may cause people to feel worse, in the case of those who are too optimistic. Not that I'm saying optimism is a horrible thing - it's just some people aren't realistically optimistic. Just how some people are unrealistically pessimistic. Two sides of the same scale, and it's best not to be heavy on either.
Why is it that few people ask "What went right?". We learn from our mistakes, of course, but why not our accomplishments? Avoiding doing what is wrong won't get you the best results. Rather, it's learning what you've done right in the past and repeating it.
Furthermore, perhaps instead of asking "what went wrong" in a situation where there might not be anything right to learn from, why not ask "What did not go right?". What is the difference? Sometimes it's not the things you did wrong, but the things you DID NOT do right.
Even after all is said and done, asking these questions may never give you a solution. But it's still nice to know what you didn't do right or what you did wrong, or even what you did right, so that an abyss of possibilities doesn't linger in the back of your mind.
Search for the answer to these questions to the best of your abilities... but don't let the possibilities create a maelstrom of "what if" scenarios that dig into your conscience. It isn't healthy. I know from personal experience. Once it starts, it's hard to vanquish. Again, I know. I haven't vanquished it yet, and I'm sitting here with a chest sore from anxiety (and a cold) wondering what went wrong, as clearly nothing went right, and therefor, what didn't go right. I can only guess and assume the answers to that, but the truth lies with someone else. It's frustrating.
However, as I don't know what went wrong and lead to the current situation, I know what went wrong here, with my own frustration, why I feel this way. I should never have let this person effect me so strongly, or any person for that matter. I know what did not go right, I should kept up my guard. And what went right? I had a close friend for a few years who provided me with wonderful conversations, and for once, made me feel truly appreciated and like an adult. I discovered a lot of things about myself in that time. And that, I do not regret.
However, what went right... only makes me wish I knew what went wrong.
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Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 10:51 pm
More story idea-ness!
I completely forgot until I chanced a look through an old binder that I found. There was a story in there called "Dangerous Love is Real Love" and I just about fainted.
Seriously.
I'm a very faintish sort of person.
The story has since evolved from my original intentions from it, and I'd much rather change the title.
It's actually a story I began a long time about some old Lost Dimensions characters, before the previously mentioned Lost Dimensions story was even being considered. These characters, of course, will be changed and so most of the content in this old draft probably won't happen, or events will happen differently. There will still be some things the same of course.
It's about an angsty angel guy who is too eager to blame himself and beat himself up over things, and a dominating rogue demon who is trying to break away from the mould of all the other demons. She believes that both demons and angels are mindless sheep to their masters, and she's trying to find her own path and identity. However, she cannot cease to be who she is, and that is, a demon. Turning good just to prove she is individual would churn her stomach, so she clings to her vice of carnage and causing torment.
However, before she can go on with her plans, the demon, Shime, must retrieve an artifact in where some angels had sealed away a portion of her power. Guarding that artifact was none other than Angran, the Angel emburdened with failures and incorrectable mistakes. Upon failing to protect the artifact, he throws himself to the mercy of the demon as his punishment. Shime takes him as a prisoner with every intention of twisting him and forcing him to break out of the typical angel mentality. As her experiment transgresses, a strange bond forms between them that knits an obscre loyalty, but unlike the title suggest, no romance or love. However, some entities seem to be surpervising and even trying to weave their paths together for some bigger cause.
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Posted: Mon May 01, 2006 8:57 am
CRASH!
My computer crashed. I lost all of my files. The really important ones were backed up, but.... I have to redownload and reinstall a lot of stuff. I also need to locate some software.... like.. Corel Photopaint, which my sister borrowed and who knows where it has been put since. So I'm just a bit cranky over the whole thing - and especially since I only had MOST of my files backed up. Brrr.
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Posted: Sun Aug 27, 2006 10:26 am
CRASH cont'd
I need to replace my harddrive and I do not have the money. I have not forgotten the place... just so you know.
I might be getting internet on my laptop, but I don't think my laptop could handle a website like Gaia. It's fairly basic and used mainly for three things: Word Processing (of creative and non-creative files), Master of Magic, and Princess Maker.
cheese_whine
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