Honestly not sure what I'm looking for here. Maybe just to see what people
think, maybe some advice. Not looking for sympathy or anything like that.
Maybe I just need to vent a little. So here goes.
My name is Derek. I'm twenty one years old, I will be twenty two on the
sixteenth of next month. I have already been to prison. I went to jail April of
2010. I spent six months in jail, and a year in prison. Of which I spent thirty
six days in a level five, maximum security prison. I was with a guy I thought
was my friend, he decided to burn down an abandoned building. I went there
with him, but I was unaware of his true intentions. I received youthful
offender, so nothing is on my record. I had received a Burglary 3rd (felony
trespassing). However a year and a half of my life was taken because of a
poor choice in the people I decided to hang around.
In 2009, I had moved in with a girl I truly loved. Not only did she cheat on me
with people I knew, including some "friends," and my cousins husband. On
top of these great things. I almost went to jail again for punching a guy who
wouldn't leave her alone and tried to trip her up. THEN, I get to find out she
has herpes, and she has given it to me. Great times right? I know.
Now that everything is done and over with, I'm back at my moms in some
hick town. There are no jobs here, I have a couple of misdemeanors on my
record which doesn't help. Me and my step dad don't get along and mom
tends to side with him. I write and record hip hop music, not that rap
bullshit, but it seems not many people care, so maybe I suck I don't know
lol. Either way, I have stopped it for the moment as well. I love graphic
design, but it seems I'm not getting any better at it either. Mom is disabled,
step dad is trying for disability, grand ma gets a retirement check or
something. So we're barely making it. We have food stamps, but damn, I
hate being on this s**t.
I guess I'm just tired of everything. I do not contemplate things such as
suicide, I see no sense in lying to anyone about the situation, and I am not
completely hopeless here. I could apply for disability, with all of my mental
issues, the psychologist thinks I can get it. ADHD, Bipolar, severe
depression, anxiety, etc. I control these very efficiently after years of dealing
with them. My ADHD even makes multi-tasking simple. However, I believe it
is one reason I have not been able to successfully hold a job.
Most of the time I just day dream now. Not much else I can do but try to
escape reality for the few minutes at a time I can. I also game, a LOT. My
mom's PC won't play hardcore or anything, but it does just fine with KOTOR,
KOTOR 2, NFS: Most Wanted, and Resident Evil 4. So that occupies part
of my time. I am also trying to get into college. Decided to be a R.N. I
figure it's something I won't HATE to do, and that will suffice until I can figure
out what I actually desire to do.
Who knows what tomorrow brings?
Alas. Thank you to whoever actually takes a moment to read this, for the
time you have given to my plight. I do appreciate it. I will stop my ranting
and venting now, as I have taken up enough of my time, as well as yours.
Not sure what I will do now, maybe go try to design something in Photoshop
or go play a game.
Anyway, I'm out.
Bye smile
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