Well my boyfriend Chris and I have been together since July 10, 2007.
We have also been living together right from the start. First it started at my parents place then eventually we moved into our apartment 2 years or so into our relationship. We are very serious about each other. We believe we are soul mates, because we have EVERYTHING in common.
As everyone we are not perfect. We started dating when I was merely 17 and he was 23. I had just gotten out of a bad relationship and he was there to help me through it all. Being so young I didn't really have time to grow. I was his first gf. I cheated on him...a lot. But he stuck with me through it all. He became to be very protective and controlling due to that. Would not let me hang out with anyone unless he was right there with me, and most times due to working lots, never wanted to go out. I lost most of my friends over this. Being a tomboy i had all guy friends.
This was not okay with him given my history with him. I was isolated. It was just him and i and the odd time I'd hang out with his friends with him of course. We fought a lot, due to this controlling behaviour, he didn't want me hanging with friends, so I had decided then he shouldn't either.
Our most recent fight dec.28,2011 was the worst of them all. I said a lot of hurtful things and went completely over board. I am now fighting to save what we have together. It's true that saying. You don't realise what you've got till its gone. I took him for granted. I love him with all my heart. We are both hurting. Him especially. He is undecided about staying with me. He figures the only way he will heal is if he see's other women. I of course am not okay with this, because I will loose him for sure. Even though he says " he will eventually find his way back to me "
I am now staying at my parents place. Time apart is what is best for him right now. With the exception of one date a week. He sent me this email recently and I believe sharing it here, will help people to give me advice on what I can do to save our relationship. We are on a vacation. We are still together, but living apart as I said above..
Being apart makes me see more how much I am hurting. It is also the only way I see myself healing. It hurts me to feel the way I feel. To not want to cry because you are hurting. I don’t want to cry, I don’t want to feel this way.
As much as it’s hurting right now it doesn’t help that Mom and Dad are caging you. It makes you see how much I was not controlling yes, but it also doesn’t help you heal because your not able to. It pisses me off that they would not want to let you do the things that would make us better.
You will; (AND I MEAN THIS ON MY LIFE) never lose me! I will always love you no matter how much you hurt me. I know this because I think I have been hurt more than any man can be hurt. Not by you (so please don’t say sorry or feel bad) I’ve been hurt by our unhealthy relationship. Which is why it is so important for change if we want to spend the rest of our lives together.
Maybe I’m over thinking what I want for the future and not trying to live with what I have now but it scares me. If I go by all my Grandparents (Dad’s Parents and Moms Parents) I am half way through my life right now and if my stress levels keep up the way they have been I’m past my half life.
I know you have changed; I know your fighting because you wouldn’t fight in the past because I would of never of let us get this bad before.
Yes I miss you; I miss being able to turn and hold you, but even with going to bed later I’m for some reason sleeping better and am more rested for work.
I’m so torn; like I said when we decided to go on this vacation there is apart of me that does think about seeing other people. (That thought hurts me trust me)
The other part of me is thinking that something like this only happens to few people and to find someone else you can be this close to is rare.
I truly know in my heart that if we would of found each other or went our separate ways and got back together instead of getting together when we did and had been a few relationships down the road our relationship would be perfect.
It hurts me that I’m hurting you and that is making the hurt I’m feeling worse. The hurt from the time you cheating on me. It’s all built up and brought together to become a unhealthy controlling relationship that led to a recurring fight that went overboard. It should have been over that night and the only thing that kept me in your arms that night is how much I love you and how worried I was for you if you left that night. On one of my bad days where I was feeling my worst after that fight I told Freddie that I could never break up with you because I know how much it would hurt you and I could never hurt you like that.
I want us to see a councilor so bad but I’m also afraid of what they might say. I want us to be better; but how I see us healing hurts me. The only thing that has kept me from breaking down like you are right now is the fact that I am working 80% of my day and when I’m not working I’m talking to friends. I stayed and helped at work yesterday not to get paid (because I didn’t) but to talk to my friends as we worked. It made things better for me.
This is why I’m made at mom and dad because I think that It would make things better for you. Maybe get us to a place were we can heal. I have more but I can’t keep typing I have to get back to work.
As you can see we want this to work, but are unsure on how to make it work. ANY advice would be MUCH appreciated.
Thanks.
We have also been living together right from the start. First it started at my parents place then eventually we moved into our apartment 2 years or so into our relationship. We are very serious about each other. We believe we are soul mates, because we have EVERYTHING in common.
As everyone we are not perfect. We started dating when I was merely 17 and he was 23. I had just gotten out of a bad relationship and he was there to help me through it all. Being so young I didn't really have time to grow. I was his first gf. I cheated on him...a lot. But he stuck with me through it all. He became to be very protective and controlling due to that. Would not let me hang out with anyone unless he was right there with me, and most times due to working lots, never wanted to go out. I lost most of my friends over this. Being a tomboy i had all guy friends.
This was not okay with him given my history with him. I was isolated. It was just him and i and the odd time I'd hang out with his friends with him of course. We fought a lot, due to this controlling behaviour, he didn't want me hanging with friends, so I had decided then he shouldn't either.
Our most recent fight dec.28,2011 was the worst of them all. I said a lot of hurtful things and went completely over board. I am now fighting to save what we have together. It's true that saying. You don't realise what you've got till its gone. I took him for granted. I love him with all my heart. We are both hurting. Him especially. He is undecided about staying with me. He figures the only way he will heal is if he see's other women. I of course am not okay with this, because I will loose him for sure. Even though he says " he will eventually find his way back to me "
I am now staying at my parents place. Time apart is what is best for him right now. With the exception of one date a week. He sent me this email recently and I believe sharing it here, will help people to give me advice on what I can do to save our relationship. We are on a vacation. We are still together, but living apart as I said above..
Quote:
Being apart makes me see more how much I am hurting. It is also the only way I see myself healing. It hurts me to feel the way I feel. To not want to cry because you are hurting. I don’t want to cry, I don’t want to feel this way.
As much as it’s hurting right now it doesn’t help that Mom and Dad are caging you. It makes you see how much I was not controlling yes, but it also doesn’t help you heal because your not able to. It pisses me off that they would not want to let you do the things that would make us better.
You will; (AND I MEAN THIS ON MY LIFE) never lose me! I will always love you no matter how much you hurt me. I know this because I think I have been hurt more than any man can be hurt. Not by you (so please don’t say sorry or feel bad) I’ve been hurt by our unhealthy relationship. Which is why it is so important for change if we want to spend the rest of our lives together.
Maybe I’m over thinking what I want for the future and not trying to live with what I have now but it scares me. If I go by all my Grandparents (Dad’s Parents and Moms Parents) I am half way through my life right now and if my stress levels keep up the way they have been I’m past my half life.
I know you have changed; I know your fighting because you wouldn’t fight in the past because I would of never of let us get this bad before.
Yes I miss you; I miss being able to turn and hold you, but even with going to bed later I’m for some reason sleeping better and am more rested for work.
I’m so torn; like I said when we decided to go on this vacation there is apart of me that does think about seeing other people. (That thought hurts me trust me)
The other part of me is thinking that something like this only happens to few people and to find someone else you can be this close to is rare.
I truly know in my heart that if we would of found each other or went our separate ways and got back together instead of getting together when we did and had been a few relationships down the road our relationship would be perfect.
It hurts me that I’m hurting you and that is making the hurt I’m feeling worse. The hurt from the time you cheating on me. It’s all built up and brought together to become a unhealthy controlling relationship that led to a recurring fight that went overboard. It should have been over that night and the only thing that kept me in your arms that night is how much I love you and how worried I was for you if you left that night. On one of my bad days where I was feeling my worst after that fight I told Freddie that I could never break up with you because I know how much it would hurt you and I could never hurt you like that.
I want us to see a councilor so bad but I’m also afraid of what they might say. I want us to be better; but how I see us healing hurts me. The only thing that has kept me from breaking down like you are right now is the fact that I am working 80% of my day and when I’m not working I’m talking to friends. I stayed and helped at work yesterday not to get paid (because I didn’t) but to talk to my friends as we worked. It made things better for me.
This is why I’m made at mom and dad because I think that It would make things better for you. Maybe get us to a place were we can heal. I have more but I can’t keep typing I have to get back to work.
As you can see we want this to work, but are unsure on how to make it work. ANY advice would be MUCH appreciated.
Thanks.
