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Ode to Victim (Maybe I need to change the name...)

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What'd ya think of the poem?
  Sounds cute!
  ...interesting...
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  It was freakin' awsome!
  Poem? What poem? I'm just here for the poll!!!
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Teh Bandit King

PostPosted: Sat Feb 18, 2006 10:12 am


I'm going to post one of my favorite poems. Give me whatever criticism you like, PLUS what you think the poem is about, or the feelings you get when you read it. Thanks, and enjoy!
PostPosted: Sat Feb 18, 2006 10:13 am


It beats
It pulses
It pumps the blood

I open the heart
And start a flood

The emotion
The tension
It rattles the cage

It rips through the bars
With the most vicious of rage

They cower
They quiver
They shrivel in fear

But the game
Doesn't end here

The shackles
The braces
They're broken at once

Am I the one
That will look like a dunce?

They attack
They strike
They fight for their life

Through desperate actions
They pull the knife

I cackle
I laugh
They don't stand a chance

I pull the rapier
Time for the devil's dance!

My power
My wrath
I unleash onto thee

The pressure's to great
Bow down to me!

They spasm
They twitch
The body will shake

The corpse lies still
Now the spirit quakes

Abandoned
Alone
I leave them to roam

We both are now free
But I dare not go home

The darkness
The shadows
The absence of light

There's still more work
In this fair Night

The people
The masses
THe sad sorrorwful soul

A break in the building
I emerge from the hole

The aroma
The smell
I continue the hunt

My blade still be hungry
For another new runt

I stalk
I seek
I find more prey

They sleep so silent
But I want life to slay

Serene
So calm
I still have surprise

The fire starts
It burns in my eyes

I kick them
I stomp them
I beat them awake

It begins again
The peace starts to break

It quickens
It races
A pulse fueled by hate

I know I've succeeded
Emotion hits the gate

They stand
Ignited
This one's no dud

Lights, camera, action!
I bring another flood...  

Teh Bandit King



Yoder


Invisible Phantom

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PostPosted: Sat Feb 18, 2006 3:23 pm


*applauds* Fantastic!
PostPosted: Wed Feb 22, 2006 11:08 pm


Thanks for the feedback Yoder!!! Now c'mon guys, can I get a little more? neutral

Teh Bandit King


Stealthy Spyder

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 7:05 pm


9/10

Did you write that? I like it! ^^.
PostPosted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 6:02 pm


two syllables... spoo--ky. dang, man. eek twisted

the dark heir


Lustful Heaven

PostPosted: Wed Mar 29, 2006 7:02 am


Very good. Some of the flow was off and there were some errors, but for the most part, it was very good. Nice visuals. I give it a 7/10
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