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 Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 4:26 pm
Alright I have been having some serious issues lately, that I don't know how to deal with.
To make a long story short, I am head over heals for one of my best friends back from my home state, Gage. He says he likes me too, but he isn't sure if he'd be able to wait until we could be together.
But I have accepted that. That isn't the issue.
My friend TJ asked me out about 4 weeks ago. I told him I wasn't sure if I wanted a relationship because of Gage, and because I didn't know him that well. We went on a few dates and I decided that I didn't like him. I told him and although he was hurt he took it well and said he understood.
Then I met my friend Joshua. He's not the most attractive boy, but he has a phenomenal personality that I fell for immediately. We hung out a few times and got along very well. He asked me to be his girlfriend, and even though I was shakey about it, I said yes. I am very comfortable with Joshua, and have told him things I have never told other people. He also accepted and understood that I will be moving back home in 7 months, and don't like long distance relationships; he said he wanted to make the time we had special anyways.
Today at lunch, Joshua skipped his class to have lunch with me, and TJ reacted badly. Not only did another person I know ask me why I would date "such an ugly mother ********" (before Joshua was there), but TJ pulled me aside to tell me how hurt he was. But he didn't simply tell me he felt hurt, he acted like a total d**k and acted as if I had lied to him (I hadn't) and made a fool of him (I don't believe that I did). He said he just hoped I was happy, but the look on his face was more like he wanted to punch something. He then went over and grilled Joshua, semi-hospitably.
So now, after this, I am having second thoughts about Joshua. I feel odd when we walk around hand-in-hand, and can't get myself to call him my "boyfriend". It also felt odd for him to call me "his", which he did during class today. I fear that I was too quick to go out with Joshua, since we only knew each other for a few weeks.I fear that I might have ruined any chance of ever being with Gage in the future (once I am living back home). I fear that I am acting in an immature, selfish, and slutty way without being aware of it. I can't imagine any other reason for people to scrutinize me so much. Even my best friend thinks I went too fast...
So I honestly have no idea what to do. I feel very trapped, stressed, and suffocated. I don't know where to turn or how to fix the problems that seem to have arisen. Any advice or help would be very appreciated.
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Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 4:58 pm
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Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 5:17 pm
Well, first off, TJ sounds like an a** already. Second, I can understand the reason for your uneasiness. Some people I know have liked multiple people at the same time. What I think you should do is talk to Joshua about it before you make any rash decisions. Also, once you do, make sure that he doesn't try to go off and solve it on his own. Once you've talked, I suggest figuring out if you want to try a long distance relationship. If not, then I suggest breaking it off quickly before it becomes too painful. That's not to say its the best solution, but it can save you a great deal of heartache later. One thing to keep in mind, though, is that, if you do get back home and it turns out you don't get along well with Gage, then you should keep the door cracked for Joshua. You don't have to completely stop being with him, you can still be friends. However, if it doesn't work out with Gage, then Josh may be more than willing to have you back.
((please note, this is a guy's opinion on the matter, you will probably get different advice from a girl))
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Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 5:31 pm
world walker 1734 Well, first off, TJ sounds like an a** already. Second, I can understand the reason for your uneasiness. Some people I know have liked multiple people at the same time. What I think you should do is talk to Joshua about it before you make any rash decisions. Also, once you do, make sure that he doesn't try to go off and solve it on his own. Once you've talked, I suggest figuring out if you want to try a long distance relationship. If not, then I suggest breaking it off quickly before it becomes too painful. That's not to say its the best solution, but it can save you a great deal of heartache later. One thing to keep in mind, though, is that, if you do get back home and it turns out you don't get along well with Gage, then you should keep the door cracked for Joshua. You don't have to completely stop being with him, you can still be friends. However, if it doesn't work out with Gage, then Josh may be more than willing to have you back. ((please note, this is a guy's opinion on the matter, you will probably get different advice from a girl)) Yeah I thought TJ was a sweet guy, he had never treated me rudely until today. Thank you, I am going to talk to Joshua. But you don't think it seems like I monopolized them? I never wanted to and I hope I didn't, but I can't tell for myself.
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Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 5:37 pm
Denkou Soshiatae world walker 1734 Well, first off, TJ sounds like an a** already. Second, I can understand the reason for your uneasiness. Some people I know have liked multiple people at the same time. What I think you should do is talk to Joshua about it before you make any rash decisions. Also, once you do, make sure that he doesn't try to go off and solve it on his own. Once you've talked, I suggest figuring out if you want to try a long distance relationship. If not, then I suggest breaking it off quickly before it becomes too painful. That's not to say its the best solution, but it can save you a great deal of heartache later. One thing to keep in mind, though, is that, if you do get back home and it turns out you don't get along well with Gage, then you should keep the door cracked for Joshua. You don't have to completely stop being with him, you can still be friends. However, if it doesn't work out with Gage, then Josh may be more than willing to have you back. ((please note, this is a guy's opinion on the matter, you will probably get different advice from a girl)) Yeah I thought TJ was a sweet guy, he had never treated me rudely until today. Thank you, I am going to talk to Joshua. But you don't think it seems like I monopolized them? I never wanted to and I hope I didn't, but I can't tell for myself. I don't think so. You have to remember that the world around us is turning as well, so there are other things going on that we may not be aware of. If TJ was that upset about you leaving him, then he should have talked to you. In fact, I would suggest talking to him regardless and telling him when you first met Josh and how it all started. If he gets mad, then you can be sure you made the right choice.
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Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 5:51 pm
world walker 1734 Denkou Soshiatae world walker 1734 Well, first off, TJ sounds like an a** already. Second, I can understand the reason for your uneasiness. Some people I know have liked multiple people at the same time. What I think you should do is talk to Joshua about it before you make any rash decisions. Also, once you do, make sure that he doesn't try to go off and solve it on his own. Once you've talked, I suggest figuring out if you want to try a long distance relationship. If not, then I suggest breaking it off quickly before it becomes too painful. That's not to say its the best solution, but it can save you a great deal of heartache later. One thing to keep in mind, though, is that, if you do get back home and it turns out you don't get along well with Gage, then you should keep the door cracked for Joshua. You don't have to completely stop being with him, you can still be friends. However, if it doesn't work out with Gage, then Josh may be more than willing to have you back. ((please note, this is a guy's opinion on the matter, you will probably get different advice from a girl)) Yeah I thought TJ was a sweet guy, he had never treated me rudely until today. Thank you, I am going to talk to Joshua. But you don't think it seems like I monopolized them? I never wanted to and I hope I didn't, but I can't tell for myself. I don't think so. You have to remember that the world around us is turning as well, so there are other things going on that we may not be aware of. If TJ was that upset about you leaving him, then he should have talked to you. In fact, I would suggest talking to him regardless and telling him when you first met Josh and how it all started. If he gets mad, then you can be sure you made the right choice. Well to be honest he was just recently orphaned at the age of 17, so that would add to his stress lately. And I did tell him that I didn't know that I liked Josh at the time, he was still upset. I am upset that I hurt TJ, and that other people will probably not bother to hear my side of the story. I am also afraid of hurting Joshua, he is a sweet boy. I feel bad for saying yes so fast and getting his hopes up, instead of waiting a bit.
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Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 5:57 pm
Okay so this is a girl's opinion. Some reassurances, some advice.
The Gage thing; you have time. Time to be happy with Joshua, time to think about what you want before you go home. Gage has made no commitment to you and said he may not be able to wait.
You made no commitment to TJ and it sounds like you made that clear before the trial-dates. These were simply trials; sometimes they work, sometimes they don't, so you aren't being "slutty." Keep in mind though that he did have some feelings hurt, which seems like his only reason for acting aggressively towards you and Joshua.
You have no reason to feel awkward around Joshua just because some bad friends can't keep their lousy mouths shut. But if you feel embarassed or ashamed of him or like you regret saying yes (especially if its NOT because of your friends) then please leave him. It would probably be better for both of you.
By the way, I've gone far too fast in a relationship before. In fact, Im in one of those right now. It isn't the end of the world. And it doesn't necassarily mean the relationship will be short-lived either.
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Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 7:31 pm
Roxy Hazard Okay so this is a girl's opinion. Some reassurances, some advice.
The Gage thing; you have time. Time to be happy with Joshua, time to think about what you want before you go home. Gage has made no commitment to you and said he may not be able to wait.
You made no commitment to TJ and it sounds like you made that clear before the trial-dates. These were simply trials; sometimes they work, sometimes they don't, so you aren't being "slutty." Keep in mind though that he did have some feelings hurt, which seems like his only reason for acting aggressively towards you and Joshua.
You have no reason to feel awkward around Joshua just because some bad friends can't keep their lousy mouths shut. But if you feel embarassed or ashamed of him or like you regret saying yes (especially if its NOT because of your friends) then please leave him. It would probably be better for both of you.
By the way, I've gone far too fast in a relationship before. In fact, Im in one of those right now. It isn't the end of the world. And it doesn't necassarily mean the relationship will be short-lived either. To be honest, I did regret saying yes so fast. Me and Joshua talked about it, and we have decided to give ourselves a chance to just be friends, a step we sort of skipped. It's odd because I still have feelings for him, but they are just not quite enough for me to feel like his girlfriend.
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Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 7:33 pm
One step at a time, eh? biggrin
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