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TribalReaper Vice Captain
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 Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2006 3:27 am
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2006 3:33 am
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Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2006 2:15 pm
I can't pick yes or no, this is an ok poem but it seems like you just wanted to rhyme. It seems you wanted a stream of consciousness effect, I'd suggest maybe try this in more poems but without necessarily any strict rhyming structure.
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Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2006 7:45 pm
I created one of my first poems like that.. and ya what I was trying to do was ryme.. and there wasnt any true feeling in it... because it wasnt about how I really felt... it went something like this...
I had a dad named bill
he worked in the mill
he had a good friend bill
whos last name was dill
they went up a hill
with the motive to kill
they met a lonly nun
she cryed she lost her son
they thought she ment the sun
but they complemented her bun
and set off at a run
with feet that seemed to weigh a ton
they made the mustake of a pun
for how could a nun have a son
so ya I was in the 6th grade.. so many years ago... but it sounded silly so I kinda liked it... but then my mom found my poetry binder and through it away thats why I use the computer for all my poetry now... crazy stuff
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TribalReaper Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2006 12:08 am
kool poem and thnx for all your comments it got me an a+ top mark for that poem
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Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2006 12:31 am
TribalReaper kool poem and thnx for all your comments it got me an a+ top mark for that poem lol well thankies... I guess lol xd
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TribalReaper Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Feb 19, 2006 3:30 am
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Posted: Sun Feb 19, 2006 1:05 pm
Very interesting poem! Keep it up!
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TribalReaper Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2006 4:25 am
evil_twin_1975 Very interesting poem! Keep it up! thnx
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Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2006 11:23 am
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TribalReaper Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2006 12:24 pm
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Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2006 5:12 pm
I am inclined to agree that rhyming is fun. But make sure that rhyming isn't all you do, try and embrace other poetry elements like personification, and similes as well as metaphors. Those thing's will take you're great poem and turn it into a masterpiece. Keep up the good work ^^~
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TribalReaper Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Mar 01, 2006 11:13 am
thnx ill beare that in mind for my next poem
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Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 7:26 am
It's more fun to break a few rules. lol
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Posted: Thu Aug 10, 2006 8:49 pm
Interesting, it made me laugh. Good job!
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