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 Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 8:22 pm
I am not sure if I want to leave this short and sweet as it is now, or expand. What do you all think on that subject, and on the poem in general?
He thinks I bite my lip in pleasure,
As he parts pink flesh and dives down
Deep into the hollow hole you left,
Filling me once again.
What he doesn’t know is that I bite my lip,
To keep your name contained,
Trapped under my tongue and bared behind my teeth.
I kiss him deeply, so that he will take your name
From me and swallow it, saving me
From calling out to you.
He mistakes my desperation for passion,
And he never notices that I kiss him
With my eyes wide open,
Because to close them would be to see the truth,
To see you projected on the back of my lids.
Memories, hopes, fears,
Streaming seamlessly together until
I can’t tell what’s real and what’s a dream.
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Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2011 1:35 pm
Very beautiful and intense. I like it as it is, short and powerful, but you could easily elaborate on it and still hold that same feeling.
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-l- Psychotic Saint -l- Captain
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Posted: Mon Nov 14, 2011 8:02 pm
Your Queenie of Hearts I can’t tell what’s real and what’s a dream. This line's a bit cliche'd, but otherwise, it's splendid.
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