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 Posted: Mon Nov 14, 2011 5:47 pm
Slowly she sat back in the bed, letting her arms drop into her lap and hanging her head. "I am. Rath and I were cleared to fly, under supervision. But are you sure that would be for the best?" She sighed and peeked up, a spark of her old self in her eye. "You said it yourself, it's been a long time, and I abandoned the weyr, consciously and by my own will or not." Looking for a more positive strain of conversation she hesitated before adding. "I'm glad to hear Amarath's clutch was a good one....."
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Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2011 10:48 am
Something inside of T'rel seemed to snap. He stared at Ky't for a long while before pulling away. "You don't want to come back," he said. It was stated as fact, not a question. "You don't want to. That's why you keep asking me if it's alright for you to come back. You want me to say no." He narrowed his eyes at her.
"It's been a turn, Ky't. The Weyr's lost people. We've lost dragons. We couldn't afford to lose a gold, let alone our Weyrwoman! And you were gone! No explanation, no note! Everyone thought you were dead! I thought you were dead! I blamed myself. Shards, other people blamed me. And you've been here! Here in Fort! Why didn't you write? Why didn't you send Rune to me, to let me know you were alright?"
He put his head into his hands. "Shards, Ky't, you've got to come back. People have been saying I'm the one who forced you between. I am; they're right. It was my mistake that caused this. Shells..." he sighed, and the anger seemed to fade. He had never been one to get angry. It was truly misdirected anger--his grief from losing Ky't and his anger at himself for having lost her had built up.
"The hatching... I lied, Ky't. We had casualties. We lost dragons. Eggs didn't hatch. The dragons that did seem strong, but..."
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Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2011 11:12 am
Throughout his explosion and for a long while afterwards she sat silent. Simply staring down at her hands which were clutching the blanket so tightly that her knuckles were turning white. Very slowly she lifted her gaze to meet his. "I want to go back. More than anything. But I'm afraid. I don't deserve to go back, because of me you were hurt, people died and the Weyr lost moral. Because I was to weak to handle everything that hit at once. I was never meant to be a Weyrwoman, I'm starting to think I was never meant to be a goldrider, but Rath assures me otherwise." She paused to catch her breath and sort her thoughts.
"II never wrote, never sent Rune, because I needed this time. To sort through my feelings, my thoughts. You aren't the only one hurting. I've been a shell since Cayxia brought me to Fort."
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Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2011 11:28 am
"You dimglow," T'rel hissed, staring at her. "You absolute dimglow. How is it your fault people died? It's mine! I couldn't protect them! I wasn't prepared. Weyrwoman's duties are domestic, it's the Weyrleader who's supposed to handle Threadfall and everything that goes with it!" He crossed his arms. He wasn't quite sure what to do with the emotions he was feeling. They were familar, but... Not like this. He'd never directed them at anyone but himself before.
He huffed. "How can you even think that? Rath chose you. That's like--shards, I don't know. You can't control when your gold decides to rise, Ky't. No one can. I doubt anyone ever wants to be leaders during a time like this. Thread's erratic. People are dying. Weyrs are being destroyed..." He moved to stroke her cheek gently.
"You aren't weak. You've always been strong. You were hurting, and I made it worse. I don't want to hear you blaming yourself. I'm the one who drove you here. Not the other way around. You didn't abandon Ista. I forced you to leave."
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Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2011 11:45 am
"Let's try again. Let's go back to Ista and try and fix things." She was exhausted, to tired to keep up the argument. All she wanted was to lay back and curl into his arms, to start again and forget all of the bad for the past turn. As he stroked her cheek she leaned into it, realizing how much she had missed his touch. "It is my fault, I left, and you were distracted because of me."
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Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2011 2:49 pm
Try again? Could they have what they had had before? He somehow doubted it. "Let's go back to Ista in the morning," he added, yawning. "We can deal with things then. It's too late now, though. We'll leave for Ista in the morning." He meant around noon--he was exhausted. "I don't know, Ky't... I don't know how the Weyr will take your return." She'd betrayed them. Betrayed them in a way, by not telling them she was alright. She might have needed the time to collect her thoughts and feelings, but... He still felt she'd betrayed him.
"I don't know. But I know where-ever we decide to stay..." he hesitated. "We'll be together, won't we? Or do you want to stay with your new weyrmate?"
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