|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2011 1:27 pm
This is a short story that I had to write for an assignment in my last year's english class. The teacher liked it so I thought about sharing it here. I put this story under "Comedy" because I'm not quite sure where it should go xD. My friend said it was funny so I just went with that.
Note: I do believe my writing is MUCH better now. I am currently writing a new story. I already uploaded it on Gaia, but not to this guild yet. Maybe I will once I finish the next chapter.
------------------------
I wake up to the sound of rain pounding on my window and thunder sounding like a bowling ally. I groan and sit up in my chair. I look down and see a computer screen showing a blank word document.
“Great. This is due today,” I murmured. I stretch in the wooden chair and put my hands behind my head.
I look outside letting out a sigh as I say, “What a great start for my twenty-first birthday.”
I start to hear feet running down the hall and soon fists pounding on my door.
“Let me in Caden so I can give you your birthday punches!” yelled my brother Damien.
“Same here!” yelled a male voice, but with a little touch of feminine. That must be Zane.
“And here~” yelled a very clear female voice. That voice is defiantly Lucy’s. I might be able to handle just Damien’s punches, but both Zane’s and Lucy’s…probably not so much.
“I’m not opening my door so you guys can just punch the life out of me!” I yelled back at the door.
“Then we’re just going to break down the door!” Zane said devilishly.
“Don’t you dar-,” I started to say, but was cut off by the door crashing down. In the now empty door space stands my closest friends with evil grins on their faces.
Zane was in the middle of the trio with his foot still in the air. If you saw him for the first time, you’d probably think he’d do drugs and had sex with tons of girls. That’s what I thought before Damien brought him to dinner and introduced him as his boyfriend. Zane’s hair was jet black with dark blue highlights along the spikes at the back of his head and his bangs that covered up his right eye. Today he wore a blue/black striped hoodie to match his blue/sliver eyes, eyebrow and lip piercing. He wore black skinny jeans and had the ends of it in his black leather chained boots.
On Zane’s right side stood Lucy. She had brown/red hair that came down to her shoulders. She had bright green eyes, but there was a bad scar on her left eye. That’s why she gets picked on so much. Her and I go way back, and I know she knows that with the way her hair is she can cover up her scar, but she chooses to show her scar. It makes her seem so much stronger unlike most girls, which is why I may have a little crush on her. She wore a dark red jacket and a plain black t-shirt. Her pants were a mixture of red and black put together. She wore her simple black and white converse shoes that went up to her ankle.
Then there’s Damien on Zane’s left side. Damien’s my twin brother. At least we looked like twins when we were smaller, but then Damien started to bring his true self out and changed how he looked, which is totally fine with me since we were both getting annoyed that people were mixing us up. He dyed his dirty blond hair with black strikes. He also had one or two strips of a dark orange color in his hair to match his hazel eyes. He wore a black social collision mineral wash plaid woven, black denim jeans, and bright red converse shoes.
“You ready?” Damien said while he and everyone else cracked their knuckles.
“No, but there’s no way around it is there?” I asked.
“Nope!” they said together, and then they came after me.
We walk together to our classes, them being all cheerful and me being in pain.
“You guys seem pretty happy for putting my arms in pain.” I said grimly.
“It’s funny because of the look of terror on your face!” Lucy said through gasps of breath.
“Whatever…” I said, “What about Damien? It’s his birthday, too.”
“I gave him twenty-one kisses~” Zane said happily as he took Damien’s arm and winked. I could see a hint of red on Damien’s face just then.
“And I gave him twenty-one bear hugs!” Lucy said.
“So why did I have to get punched?” I asked.
“Because you’re the punching type where-as Damien’s the loveable type,” she said.
I sighed and stayed quiet. I knew that there’s no way I would be able to win against these three.
“Well look here! It’s the loser squad!” said a preppy female voice behind us. We all groaned knowing exactly who it was.
“Why don’t you just leave us alone Cindy? I’m pretty sure you don’t want to be seen when you’re around us,” I said angrily as I turned to face her. She had beach-blond hair and bright blue eyes. Everyone knows when a girl has blond hair and blue eyes their gorgeous, but add in her bad attitude and mountains of make-up on her face…you might think differently.
“You’re right I don’t,” she said, “but I came to say happy birthday to you and you’re gay-a** brother.”
“News flash, we don’t want it.” I said.
“Good because I wasn’t going to give you two one anyways!” she said then walked away.
“You might want to get your pants checked! Your a** is totally hanging out! And the pink thong isn’t helping you out!” yelled Zane. She wiped around, gave him the middle finger, and ran to the closest bathroom.
“I’m surprised she actually cares about what she looks like,” Lucy said.
“Well her parents do work here so she has to keep up her good-girl act,” Zane said.
“I still can’t believe you actually dated her,” she said.
“True, but she is the reason why I turned gay and came across this one,” Zane said as he took Damien’s hand.
“Guess it’s true when they say bad things brings out good things,” Damien said smiling.
“That’s hope that stays true when I turn in a blank essay.” I said.
Turns out it wasn’t true. When I came in and told the teacher that I didn’t have the essay done he gave me a huge lecture in front of the whole class. For the rest of the day I’ve been getting birthday punches from the very few people that like me, and being made fun of for what happened in class and other everyday stuff. I’ve also had to help out Lucy with these jocks that were giving her a hard time. I almost punched one of them in the face, but Lucy dragged me away before I was able to.
The bell rang for the end of the day. I quickly grabbed my things and left the room before I really punch someone. I went to the usually spot that we all meet up at at the end of the day, but when I got there it was empty. I waited for five minutes, but no one showed up.
“That’s weird…” I said. Since I didn’t know what else to do I walked back home alone. It would seem strangely quiet to some people, but I had my mind focused on other things.
I walked up to the door, put my key in and opened the door.
“SURPRISE!” screamed Lucy, Damien, and Zane. I cursed and they laughed at me. I looked all around the room to see party decorations everywhere. I also saw a pile of presents by the dining room table with a big chocolate cake.
“You guys did all of this?” I asked.
“Yep! All for you!” Lucy said happily.
“But what about you, Damien? It’s your birthday too,” I said.
“It’s ok! Besides we like to think of this party as a birthday/thank-you one,” he said.
“A thank-you one?” I said in a confused voice.
“Yeah. You’ve been helping us all out for such a long time. I think it’s time we gave you something back for all that you’ve done for us,” Lucy said as she went up to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I can tell my face turned beat red by the way Damien and Zane were looking at me. I smiled and held her close to me.
“This is great!” I said.
“So what do you want to do first?” Zane asked.
“How ‘bout we dig in to that huge cake!” I said. We all agreed and started eating away at the cake.
I guess it was true when they said that bad things always bring out good things in the end.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2011 3:34 pm
Your detail is good, but my only problem is the way you are representing your details. Quote: I wake up to the sound of rain pounding on my window and thunder sounding like a bowling ally. I groan and sit up in my chair. I look down and see a computer screen showing a blank word document. Notice you are using the word "I" at the beginnings of each sentence. This is something you need to avoid in writing, because it deprives the writer of the rich vocabulary they could have used. Also, you are separating each detail into a sentence, also something that slows the reader down. You want your writing to flow like a river, so if you can, mesh your sentences like this: Quote: I woke up to the sound of rain pounding endlessly on my window and to the sound of thunder, crashing and banging like a busy bowling alley. Groaning, I sat up in my chair, disappointed at the sight before me: A blank word document.
|
|
|
|
|
|
His Majesty Satan Captain
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Feb 01, 2012 5:05 pm
I've got to say I quite like your story. Your very fantastic with your details, but indeed the format of the way it is written... Well its scrambled. Other than that it's great. I also love how you aren't afraid to express your views on gays, bi's, and lesbians.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2012 6:52 pm
Wow, I really like this story! Sure, there may have been a few gramatical errors but who cares? Keep on writing, man! Stay golden pony boy! XD lol
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 10:24 pm
I have seen may short stories in my time as a role player and writer, but this is by far the best I have seen. Granted a few errors that could stand to be corrected, but other than that, I'd say it is a article worth publishing. Not that is what you want to do with your work, just using saying it is very good. I am thinking of creating a role play, with your writing skills, I think you would make a fine addition if you're interested.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
