Ooooooooh old english. That is always fun to see in poems. I'm not an expert on it, so I do not know if it was used correcntly or not (I have an online friend who rips his hair out whenever I try to use old english and corrects me - and I still have not learned a thing)
It's interesting to watch the lines shrink a little, and then extend. Also the use of the first line as also the last adds a nice touch. Is Tormant (in the line "They torture Tormant" supposed to be torment?)
I feel, however, that the second to last word is a bit too long and sort of breaks the flow of the poem. Perhaps, but this is just my opinion, perhaps if you had "till now" as its own line to add more emphasis and power to it.... and then instead of 'because' use the word 'for' here's an example.
Tis time to turn the terror
Thine twisted truth
Thine throny toung
They torture Tormant
Never releasing
They are unceasing
They have been my demise
From them I thought I could never rise
Till now
For I will no longer be their bearer
Tis time to turn the terror.
Also, I notice that the last words in the first four lines all begin with T and do not rhyme, which is interesting... because then rhyming couplets arise. I understand my suggested line breaks will disrupt the rhyming couplets. But it's just my advice (we all have personal tastes, yeah?), you don't have to take. It IS a good poem, you should be proud of it.
Writing, Role Playing, etc.
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