|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sun Sep 18, 2011 9:44 pm
Name: Badmoon Sickjam - Sick
Lvl: 0
Class: Bard
Current hp: 8/8
Current Mana: 0/0
Equipment: Battle Lute ~ 1d10 + Str(2), Lucky Underwear
Gold: 0
Sick watched the displays, impressed by the showmanship of his fellow travellers. If they worked on the unconsciousness, they could very well take the show on the road and absolutely slay everyone they met. He only wished they were all awake to know how much he appeciated their show, laughing himself to tears at their obviously excruciating agony.
He actually felt a little left out and wondered if maybe he should play for them, but then he remembered what the fatass elf said and was discouraged. Still he wanted to do something. Unfortunately, he never thought of anything. He just watched blankly as the gnome shat on the human. It wasn't so much the act that disturbed him. Where he was from that was considered foreplay. He simply assumed the tiny bearded man wanted to mate with the human. What disturbed Sick more was the awkward way the little person waddled around. Sick had always found small creatures disturbing.
Through great willpower and what can only be described as sheer force of stupid, Sick forced the image from his mind. That was about the time they were spirited away and onto a grassy field, and the voice gave him permission to cut off d**k skins. Sick wouldn't have called this a quest, exactly, as much as a typical Thursday. He could only imagine the voice also enjoyed deep fried d**k skins. After all, what else would you do with them?
With great conviction, Sick drew his battle lute from his back and proclaimed, "IT!"
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Sep 22, 2011 4:34 pm
Name: Zekir Osai
Lvl: 0
Class: Ranger
Current HP: 5/5
Current Mana: 0/0
Equipment: Longbow - 1d8 +1[Dex], 20 Arrows
Gold: 0
Zekir had remembered dreaming about adventures and great experience and some hot elves women all over him when he woke up around the rest of his party, his health fully restored to normal. As his quest was announced he took a moment to shudder. It sounded horrid, having to remove the foreskin of such sickly creatures. He was a ranger, he couldn't get close to any enemies! Even if they were dispatched in a bloody manner. They could have a demon rat in their pocket that would end his life.
He was, however, lucky to have such a good party, already the cleric and the bard had offered to do the deed themselves, saving him the pleasure of being able to hang back with Wimdar. He was a wizard, he should attack at a range like him.
"So, should we begin, my comrades?" he asked the group merrily as he removed himself from the ground, brushing off the dust and dirt. He was ready to begin his new life as an adventurer with his party! He'd be a hero!
[OoC//: Sorry for the shitty post. :p]
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Hermit Omega Vice Captain
|
Posted: Thu Sep 22, 2011 8:40 pm
Name: Wimdar Bumkig
Lvl: 0
Class: Wizard
Current hp. example: 4/4
Current Mana. 11/11
Equipment: Flowing Robe, Staff 1d6 -2[str]
Gold: 0
Wimdar smiled at his friends then started hobbling to down the grassy hill to the town of trap doors. It was time to prove himself. He would get a troll killed as fast as he could, and then the others would tremble before his utter power. He Waddled over to a trapdoor and dropped to the ground, which was not very far. He listened to see if he could hear anything but could not. So he cupped his hands to the wood and shouted.
"Hey you in there! Open up!"
"Go, away! I'm indecent!" Came a high pitched wail that was drenched in the sound of self hatred and like a soul denied of any sort of friendship.
"Open up this instant! I am here to collect your foreskin!"
There was a moment of silent. "What?!"
"Your foreskin! I need to chop it off!"
"What the ******** are you talking about noob? Stupid b*****d, like i would let a f** like you touch my junk."
"Listen you fat troll, if you don't open this door I'm going to break it ******** you!"
Wimdar by this time had grown tired and was furious. He was being made a fool of so he stood over the trap door and leaped upward, then fell down with all of his might. The rotted wood ignored his attempt at entry. So he tried again and again. To no avail. He frowned dissatisfied, and he hung his head in shame. He had failed to prove himself.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Sep 22, 2011 9:34 pm
Name: Badmoon Sickjam - Sick
Lvl: 0
Class: Bard
Current hp: 8/8
Current Mana: 0/0
Equipment: Battle Lute ~ 1d10 + Str(2), Lucky Underwear
Gold: 0
While Sick was disturbed by the hobbling of the wizard, he admired his gumption and thus followed behind him in his trek down the hill. He heard the whiney little voice inside the hole bitching and knew this had to be their first foreskin donor/victim. For some reason the troll refused to open up, and as Wimdar was failing to force entry, the job of busting the hell out of this door fell to him.
He steeled himself and got ready to chop. "STAND BACK!" he said, "THIS COULD GET AWESOME!" He brought the massive weapon down mightily like a lumberjack.... lumberjacking. To his shock, alarm, and stupification, however, it merely bounced off harmlessly! Obviously this would require more finesse than he possessed. He too hung his head in shame.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
SS Chibi Vegeta Incarnate
|
Posted: Fri Sep 23, 2011 11:17 am
Name: Merihim Soth
Lvl: 0
Class: Cleric
Current hp. 8/8
Current Mana. 10/10
Equipment: The Serpent's Kiss (Longsword) - 1d8
Gold: 0
Merihim merely stepped past his allies, looking at them blankly after their failures. Hefting his sword vertically into the air with one hand, he brought it down to slam against the door. The force was just enough to splinter the wood and cause the structure to collapse into the crevice below. Lifting the sword once more, he moved it slightly to the side and sunk it into the soil beside the opening. Using this sword to hold his weight, he leaned down and placed his head through the opening with a crazed smile.
"HEEERRREEEESS JOOHNNY!!!"
*failed, edit post eventually, other people can continue to post*
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Sep 25, 2011 4:53 pm
Name: Badmoon Sickjam - Sick
Lvl: 0
Class: Bard
Current hp: 8/8
Current Mana: 0/0
Equipment: Battle Lute ~ 1d10 + Str(2), Lucky Underwear
Gold: 0
After several moments of ashamedness, Sick's two brain cells, which randomly jumped around inside of his skull as if it were a moon bounce, bumped into one another to create what is usually referred to as an idea.
"HEY, TROLL!" he shouted at the door. "I'M A HOT TROLL CHICK WITH HUGE TROLL TITS AND I'M NAKED AND I NEED SOME ACTION!"
There was silence for a few moments and a voice called back, "Really!?"
"NO!"
"Awww.... ******** off, n00b!"
"DAMMIT!"
Though he'd succeeded in trolling a troll, he had foiled his own plan and now once more returned to sit in the shameful corner of shame.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Sep 25, 2011 5:33 pm
Name: Zekir Osai
Lvl: 0
Class: Ranger
Current HP: 5/5
Current Mana: 0/0
Equipment: Longbow - 1d8 +1[Dex], 20 Arrows
Gold: 0
Zekir watched in dismay as his comrades tried and tried to open the door to the trolls habitat, each of them failing to either lure the troll out of it's dwelling or breaking the seemingly rotted door. 'The door must be enchanted to the highest degrees of magic!' the elf thought as he listened to Sick try to coax the troll out of it's lair. However, the orc's failure gave Zekir an idea.
"Troll! There's a rabbit down in your hole! Run before the demonic-bunny tries to tear your soul from your body!" Zekir yelled at the door, just the thought of the rabbit made him shiver and back away from the door, though, much to fast to hear what the troll answered. Since the door did not unlock, though, he could only assume that it was a failure.
At this point Zekir got frustrated, his time he would try a mouse. Surely even trolls were afraid of mice. As the elf walked up to the door he decided this time he would knock on the door, just to get the sense of urgency across. He got down on his knees and hammered on the door with all his might, and that's when the rotted wood snapped. The suddenness of the break scared the elf slightly, causing him to fall back on his behind, but he heard the troll scream as light filled it's cave, obviously this must be the first time the poor creature has seen daylight in a while.
"Well, I suppose he should go get his foreskin now?" he said to the others with a sheepish smile.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Sep 25, 2011 6:33 pm
Name: Wimdar Bumkig
Lvl: 0
Class: Wizard
Current hp. example: 3/4 (-1 from fall)
Current Mana. 10/11 (-1 from nutpuncher)
Equipment: Flowing Robe, Staff 1d6 -2[str]
Gold: 0
Wimdar watched as each of his companions shamed themselves as bad as he did. Sure he failed, but he was but a gnome with -2 strength, bashing should not be expected of him. Then the ranger, which Wimdar was assured by his red hair that he was at least half homosexual on his mothers side, simply knocked on the door and by complete insult to him and his companions honor, the wood exploded inward.
“Well, obviously I weakened it for you.” said the gnome defiantly. Then with a flourish of his robe he wasted no time to go in and bag himself a troll. He leaped into the hole screaming with the ferocity to strike fear into his assuredly ugly enemy. He hit the ground too hard and his legs gave way, his body crumpled to the ground. Then he sprang up and glanced around. Before him was a dark abyss, and within sat a the ugliest creature the gnome had ever witnessed. With more chins than he could count and a boil covered nose that he was positive was at least a foot long. The grayish green creature sat nude upon a stool that it’s massive amounts of fat enveloped. Wimdar shook his head in disgust. Then without wasting any more time uttered the incantation and sent a focused stream of arcane energy directly into the bastards bloated hairy ball sack. With a howl the troll’s eyes widened, he couldn’t even utter an insult with his massive amounts of testicular trauma.
“That’s what you get for leaving your legs open.” Said Wimdar. Then waited for his friends to wreck the mother ******** hp 15/20
(ooc: sorry if this post sucks. written when drunk.)
|
|
|
|
|
|
Hermit Omega Vice Captain
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
SS Chibi Vegeta Incarnate
|
Posted: Sun Sep 25, 2011 9:05 pm
Name: Merihim Soth
Lvl: 0
Class: Cleric
Current hp. 8/8
Current Mana. 10/10
Equipment: The Serpent's Kiss (Longsword) - 1d8
Gold: 0
Seeing the gnome disappear into the depths below, after the elf ranger successfully bashed the door in, Merihim jumped at the chance to redeem himself... literally. At the bottom of the hole, Merihim rolled perfectly, directing his downward momentum forward, leaping directly at the troll with his sword drawn high. Bringing the blade down in a mighty slash, Merihim struck the beast directly in the junk for 8 damage. As he landed past the creature, he looked back and saw that he had successfully preformed half of the circumcision; the troll screamed in immense pain, his foreskin flapping in the wind as it dangled.
"MOZZLETOFF!"
Troll HP: 7/20
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 8:44 am
Name: Zekir Osai
Lvl: 0
Class: Ranger
Current HP: 5/5
Current Mana: 0/0
Equipment: Longbow - 1d8 +1[Dex], 20 Arrows
Gold: 0
Zekir nodded as Wimdar told him that he had weakened it for him. Obviously the man was correct, Zekir wasn't that strong and he knew it. He watched as the gnome jumped bravely into the dark hole, then as the human jumped down as well. He saw the light of a spell being cast and the sound of a sword slashing against the troll. Obviously they were doing well down there.
It was his turn to jump, and how he wished to join his comrades in battle! There was, however, one slight problem. The hole was dark, and it was deep, there was the chance that it contained a demonic-bunny. He looked down, trying to listen for the sound of the beasts footfall, or possibly the sound of his comrades screams as it ripped into their flesh, but he could not. This fact frightened him all the more. The bunny was biding it's time. He looked at the hole, then looked at the orc, then back down the hole. He stood up and walked two steps behind the hole and gestured to it.
"I'm a ranged fighter, not a melee one, so after you, brave bard!" the elf said as he smiled at his comrade. This was one fight he could do without.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2011 9:00 pm
Name: Badmoon Sickjam - Sick
Lvl: 0
Class: Bard
Current hp: 8/8
Current Mana: 0/0
Equipment: Battle Lute ~ 1d10 + Str(2), Lucky Underwear
Gold: 0
Sick was super pissed that the little elf with the girly hands got the door open, but in spite of the gnome's comments he decided that the door must have been an exceptionally stupid one and only just realized that it had been hit with an axe and that it should thus splinter into a thousand tiny pieces, because obviously that's what happens when a stationary door made of rotting wood gets hit by an enormous axe.
Content that it was merely a delayed reaction and not insolence on the part of the door, Sick forgave it and quickly forgot as well. It was now time to kick a troll's a**, or whatever it had that passed as an a**. He hung back at first and watched his comrades go before peering down into the hole himself.
At the elf's words Sick nodded. "HMM.... YOU'RE RIGHT! I'M HELLA BRAVE!" Without further hesitation he jumped into the hole and made a big boom as he landed like a... well, like a huge orc. He then immediately moved to strike the troll, and immediately he missed.
To his credit, he didn't have a lot of practice hitting trolls in the d**k. It was a valiant effort regardless, and he did totally ******** up that nasty imp earlier so he doesn't need to prove anything to you, dammit!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2011 10:06 pm
Name: Wimdar Bumkig
Lvl: 0
Class: Wizard
Current hp. example: 3/4
Current Mana. 9/11 (-1 from hothands)
Equipment: Flowing Robe, Staff 1d6 -2[str]
Gold: 0
Wimdar was impressed with the creepy gothic weird man who he shat upon’s ability to stab the troll in the manbits, inflicting even more damage to the ugly creaures already wounded pride. He heard the elf wimp out about jumping into the hole and sniggered, guy can’t get it in the hole. Then he watched as the dust cloud burst into the chamber when the Orc dropped in and rushed in presumably slobbering and cleaved at the troll, missing entirely which ruined Wimdar’s assumption that Orcs are utterly badass.
The troll, despite his horrifically mutilated genitalia, was still alive. Blood and semen ran down it’s thighs and it wailed with huge buckteeth protruding from it’s ugly pig face. Wimdar made the entirely proper decision to try and fry it alive with his amazing hothands ability. He dodged past his friends and clapped both hands on to massive floppy troll boobies and said the incantations.
The troll shrieked as his nipples burned smoking hot and he flailed wildly, one hand on his crotch, the other waving in the air. Wimdar sighed, knowing that by some ironic bullshit crockshit of the tomfoolery god of ******** bullshit, the troll was still not going to be dead. He sighed and took a step back. Hoping that this time, the deed would indeed be taken care of.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Hermit Omega Vice Captain
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2011 8:04 pm
Name: Zekir Osai
Lvl: 0
Class: Ranger
Current HP: 5/5
Current Mana: 0/0
Equipment: Longbow - 1d8 +1[Dex], 20 Arrows
Gold: 0
Zekir looked at the hole, the orc already jumping in. He felt braver. All of his comrades was already down there and not a single one had died or screamed from terror. Obviously there was no small animals.
With a cry of battle, Zekir jumped into the hole his feet perfectly aligned so he would land on the balls of his feet. Avoiding injury as he landed he looked at the troll and almost sqweeled in joy. The creature almost looked like a large animal! It would definitely be the friendliest of all the animal kingdoms. He was almost about to go pet it, then he realized that it was a quest mob. Obviously he had to attack.
"For the quest!" Zekir cried as he took his bow and aimed at the creature with the arrow nocked. He would kill this beast. He let loose an arrow and watched as it closed the distance in a second and struck the monstrosity in it's chest. The beast was dead, or unconcious. Obviously it was ready to have it's foreskin removed.
"So, who's removing it's foreskin?" Zekir asked as he walked forwards, towards his friends and group.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2011 12:30 pm
Name Jenna Hawtorn
Lvl 0
Class Monk
Current hp. example: HP 7/7
Current Mana. None
Equipment None
Gold 0
Jenna was walking in the woods looking all around so nothing would surprise her and she liked to look at flowers and trees. She saw some orchids and sometimes stopped to smell them. She always tought that she should try to grow some, but each time she tried to do something the other in her village destroyed all her chances of succes, so she never tried. She was starting to be tired, but the sun wasn't setting soon so she had to wait. It was too dangerous to sleep at this time of the day, everybody could saw her. She yawned loudly.
"It's not the time for sleeping." She stated hoping it'll help her to stay awaken but honestly it wasn’t changing anything.
She started to walk a little faster so she’ll get there sooner and could finaly sleep. Sleep that sound pretty fun in fact, maybe I should give it a try. she tough as she blinked a few time trying to remember the last time she slept and couldn’t remember. As she walked a little more she started to see the grand lobby.
“Finaly!” she said happily.
The view of her destination woke her up a little and she was feeling good what maked her forgot she was tired. She looked around and without even really noticing she started to run she was so impatient to get there she was forgoting to be prudent and look around or she was looking around but not in front of her. That’s why she runned into a tree.
“Ouch! Trees aren’t supposed to appear like that in middle of nowhere!” She said angrily as she stood up.
She she shooked her head and started back to walk, she would be there in no time if she doesn’t slow down. Three hour after she was there and only needed to register. She walked to the official registration desk, gaved all the information needed and then walked to the lobby they told her to go. She slowly fall asleep as she waited for others to arrive.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
