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 Posted: Thu Sep 08, 2011 7:43 pm
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Posted: Thu Sep 08, 2011 7:44 pm
  Name: Iwan RossoAge: 26Magic Affinity: Memory - photographic memoryClass: ScholarAppearance:
ѻ Height: 6'2"
ѻ Bodytype: Lanky, overly thin and pale
ѻ Hair: Very dark, wavy, messy, thick
ѻ Eyes: Bright blue, tired
ѻ Clothing: Tends to dress as nicely as he can when going out into the world, as he has found those with more attractive outfits generally do not get hassled as often.
He mends his own garments when they get worn and takes great pains to keep what few items of finery he has looking respectable. Personality:
ҩ Quiet / Loner
ҩ Sociopathic tendencies
ҩ Conceited (when it comes to his appearance)
ҩ Studious
ҩ Bookworm
ҩ Love of language
ҩ One-track mind
ҩ Undiagnosed autism - doesn't understand basic human emotions/how to read people
Hermes' constant attention seeking gets on his nerves a bit,
but he normally lets him do what he pleases. History: Iwan was never a very active child, preferring intead to spend his days in his family's humble library toiling over volumes of texts. When he was barely starting out at the academy, he had already begun forming the basics of what would later on become a language he had made from scratch. He never showed it to anyone besides his mother, who had instilled in him this interest, but once he began furthering it more, he starting putting it away and became secretive and almost possessive over it.
After graduating from the academy at the age of eighteen, Iwan felt he still had much more to work out with his power and went on to do apprenticeships to refine his skill and help lengthen the duration of his obtained memories. A few weeks before his 26th birthday, Iwan was finally granted his guardian.
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Posted: Thu Sep 08, 2011 7:45 pm
 Name: HermesMagic Affinity: Memory - reading memoriesEssence/Animal: Rambutan || Fennec Fox → 2 → 3Appearance:
ѻ Height: 5'3"
ѻ Bodytype: Petite, but he can hold his own if need be
ѻ Hair: Blonde, soft
ѻ Eyes: Big and black, curious
ѻ Clothing: He likes wearing cloaks/long swishy jackets because they make him look bigger (kinda like a cat puffing up),
but he absolutely hates wearing shoes of any kind - though socks/stockings are okay when it's cold
- and would much rather go around barefoot when he can get away with it.
Personality:
ҩ Loud
ҩ Overly energetic
ҩ Very sociable / likes to be near people
ҩ Childish
ҩ Able to be serious
ҩ Empathetic
ҩ Warm-hearted
Hermes is very much a child, climbing on things and running around and generally being obnoxious, however, when duty calls, he can settle own quickly and get to work.
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Posted: Thu Sep 08, 2011 7:48 pm
-img placeholder go-
• Hermes can only read memories once a week. If he doesn't use his time wisely, there's no 'roll over' of readings he can do. Either he uses them or he misses out.
• People who offer their minds up to him are easy to read as there's no 'wall' in the way blocking him out.
• If he tries to get coy and read someone unwilling or unknowing, he will get serious repercussions that stack on the longer he continues to pry.
They are as follows:
xxxxxxxxxxxxx1st → blurred vision
xxxxxxxxxxxxx2nd → serious nosebleed
xxxxxxxxxxxxx3rd → migraine
xxxxxxxxxxxxx4th → black out
xxxxxxxxxxxxx5th → coma
Blackouts can last anywhere from a few minutes to several hours. If the person he is trying to read recognizes what is going on and retaliates, he can enter a coma, which - as you may know - are incredibly dangerous and unpredictable. Thankfully, most retaliations will end in him blacking out, and once this has happened he can no longer read, and this makes it incredibly difficult to get to the fifth stage.
• His reading ability is limited. He can only read long term and mid term* memories. Short term memories are not rooted in the mind and therefore impossible to read. This also means he cannot read current thoughts - only past, rooted thoughts and ideas.
*Mid term memories are those in the process of being stored away. The ones people cannot immediately recall, but after a few minutes of thought they might pull it back up. These memories tend to be a bit fuzzy at best and are never clear.
• As memories generally contain personal bias and falsities, all of his readings will also contain those bias and falsehoods and it's up to Hermes and Iwan to pick out the good things from the not so good things.
• Iwan's photographic memory works with written and spoken word. Images he has a lot of trouble with remembering and he cannot accurately duplicate one.
• When Hermes is reading, he speaks the memories in fragments. Sometimes these fragments come very quickly, and Iwan has to go back later and sort all of them out to make sense of the read.
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Posted: Thu Sep 08, 2011 7:52 pm
hello other post how are you
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Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2011 3:33 pm
Hooray you're open for crit! Let's get to this!
User Affinity: I know you're really big on Iwan having a photographic memory as his magic, but - to tell you the truth - I'm not exactly sure how "magical" that is. I mean, anyone on the earth could have a photographic memory and it strikes me more as a quirk than an affinity. However, Static might let this fly, so I'll just leave my thoughts at that instead of saying something like "YOU SHOULD CHANGE THIS RAR".
User Personality: As far as his personality goes, the bullet list is not a good thing. I can see he has traits, but what's behind them? Why is he a loner? Why does he have a one-track mind? Why does he let Hermes do as he pleases when he gets on his nerves? You'd benefit greatly by expanding his personality (and by extension, Hermes' personality as well) into full paragraphs form because otherwise you're only giving everyone who reads this the bare minimum information about your characters. Remember, RP-required shops are about writing and you can't cut corners when it comes to telling your audience about things!
That being said...How/why/what/huh does he have sociopathic tendencies? Sociopathy isn't a good thing; in fact a lot of serial killers are sociopaths. XD; You might want to do a little research into it before saying 'Iwan's a sociopath' to everyone here. It's not a good thing, especially if there's a custom contest and it comes down to judging time. I'm also kind of leery on him being autistic. Now, I don't know a thing about autism or aspergers or anything like that, but could you explain how he is autistic and a bit about autism in general? It'll help those like me who don't understand the disorder better grasp both it and Iwan. c:
User History: Like his personality, this could use a lot of fleshing out. I understand he wasn't an active child and spent a lot of time amongst the books but what was his home life like? What faction(s) were his parents apart of? What did they do for work? How well off were they? Did he have siblings? Did anything happen in his past that was traumatizing or did he have a fairly mundane/routine childhood with nothing horrible happening? What did he do before being enrolled in the academy? How did his powers come about and how did he discover them? How did his family react to him being a User? Why is he possessive over his made up language? How long did it take him to create? Why did he create it? Will that come into play later?
Also as far as what you say about him being granted a Guardian, I think you should leave that out. He'll get his Guardian once he himself is in the shop and not before, from what I assume, given the whole getting a Guardian is a big deal and a part of the shop as a whole. That'd probably be better reserved for an RP or a solo if you get Hermes before you add it to his history.
Guardian Personality: Like Iwan's, please remove the bullets and put in a fully written out personality in its place! Like I said before, we get a taste of Hermes here, but we don't know the full monty behind his character! OX
That being said...You say he's loud, overly energetic, and all these things that make him obnoxious...but then you say he's able to be serious and can settle down quickly to get to work. Why? It seems out of left field and without reason. D: A character that's hyper and as bouncy as Hermes would likely be extremely hard to make settle down and would have a hard time on his own to settle down when he has to. Please give a reason as to this or remove it if there is none! >O< Other than that though...What flaws does he have? Being obnoxious and unable to settle down are two, but other than that 'childish' seems like the only other candidate, but that can be easily fixed if you write things out in full. c: Same with positive traits and those that are rather 'neutral' at a glance!
Guardian Affinity: As far as this goes, it seems like a good option for an affinity! ouo However, why can Hermes only read one memory a week? Seems a bit limiting and like it would be a cause for trouble if he really needs to read a mind but has already used up his week's ability. It's not all bad though! Will this number increase over time and as he grows? Are there repercussions to him reading a willing mind for too long? Why do most of his readings of unwilling minds end with him blacking out rather than the lesser effects?
Other than those, Hermes' powers seem pretty decent and well thought out to me! Overall you just really need to work on both guys' personalities, Iwan's history, and perhaps tweak Iwan's power if Static comes by and thinks you should. >o<
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Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2011 4:07 pm
I can't say I've read Hermes' post thoroughly, but I don't know enough about Iwan to crit him well - just point out some things.
First of all, he doesn't seem to be autistic at all. Autism is a lot more than just not understanding emotions. What Iwan looks like to me, if I'm going to be completely honest with you, is like you wanted the best of autism and disregarded the other, less positive parts of it. There's a whole spectrum of autism, to boot - high and low functioning, asperger's syndrome, atypical autism. Where is he on it? What effects does he have? How easy is it to communicate in words? Some autistic children don't or can't. Autism is thought of most frequently with repetitive motions. Which, if any, does he have?
Sociopathic tendencies, like Ravi said, is a pretty serious statement! But you put it out there like it's nothing: which tendencies? what does he do? how does it mesh with the full effects of his autism? There's quite a few autistic children who are prone to destructive tantrums... Did he? Does he? If so, how does that reflect on his sociopathic tendencies?
Conjecture time: Static may call me out on this, but if I were to guess, I'd say that since guardians are so important and there's a whole damn academy for it, they probably do scans (I'm assuming with magic) to at least test the minds of those who are eligible for a guardian.. However did he get sociopathy past them? I know I certainly wouldn't want to hand someone who could snap a guardian.
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