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 Posted: Mon Sep 05, 2011 6:14 pm
7 years later......
"a leaf,isnt just an ordinary leaf its a form if you look closely" said billy
"how is it something different when u look closely?" said mandy
"look at the pointy end and start looking forward at it" continued billy
"i dont see it,what is it said mandy
"a heart see!" said billy pointing at the leaf
"oh i see it" said mandy
"can you see my heart full of emotions?" said billy
"wait-was this your scheme to try to make me fall for you?" said mandy
"no,it was......uh.....his!" said billy
mandy slapped billy with all her heart and yelled "NEVER DO THAT AGAIN"
so the next day at school.....
"hey dude whats up?" said joe talking to billy
"nothing much i just failed on getting mandy for the twentith time this month!" said billy
"remeber what i said dude,it all depends how you say it" said joe
"whatever dude,how about you and caroline?" said billy
"eh....."said joe
"what happened?" said billy
a bright white light came as a flashback started to begin.....
"hey caroline,wanna hang out tonight?" said joe
"define hang out" said caroline
"chill,makeout....hav-s" joe was stopped from his words
"i'll chill not make out or not do that! got it! you perverted sicko,what happened to the real you before you became a weird one." yelled caroline
the dark shadow came to end the flashback
"so is that a yes?" said billy
"im not sure" said joe
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Posted: Mon Sep 05, 2011 9:36 pm
Ok.. so now I'm just starting to get confused. The dialog is nice, it's always fun to see characters interacting, but there is just so little else that we don't have a lot to go on. There's no mention of what happened in the first part you posted, there's new characters introduced whom we have no idea who they are. Also, while you did better this time, you still seem to be having problems with proper proof reading, punctuation and capitalization and all that fun stuff. For poetry, this format would be fine, but with prose you have to be very careful that what you're putting down is grammatically correct. Just one of the nit-picks of the literary world.
Just like last time, you have something good here, the basis for a really intriguing story, but I just wished I had more. More detail, more character development, more writing, more... everything. I want to see you do really well with this story, and I think you can. There's just little things you have to work on.
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-l- Psychotic Saint -l- Captain
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Posted: Tue Sep 06, 2011 12:12 pm
-l- Psychotic Saint -l- Ok.. so now I'm just starting to get confused. The dialog is nice, it's always fun to see characters interacting, but there is just so little else that we don't have a lot to go on. There's no mention of what happened in the first part you posted, there's new characters introduced whom we have no idea who they are. Also, while you did better this time, you still seem to be having problems with proper proof reading, punctuation and capitalization and all that fun stuff. For poetry, this format would be fine, but with prose you have to be very careful that what you're putting down is grammatically correct. Just one of the nit-picks of the literary world. Just like last time, you have something good here, the basis for a really intriguing story, but I just wished I had more. More detail, more character development, more writing, more... everything. I want to see you do really well with this story, and I think you can. There's just little things you have to work on. i know,i know im just trying my best but theres alot of pressure going on so i feel i should write from what,well slips even though i dont mean too. sad
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Posted: Tue Sep 06, 2011 1:27 pm
lindxey1 -l- Psychotic Saint -l- Ok.. so now I'm just starting to get confused. The dialog is nice, it's always fun to see characters interacting, but there is just so little else that we don't have a lot to go on. There's no mention of what happened in the first part you posted, there's new characters introduced whom we have no idea who they are. Also, while you did better this time, you still seem to be having problems with proper proof reading, punctuation and capitalization and all that fun stuff. For poetry, this format would be fine, but with prose you have to be very careful that what you're putting down is grammatically correct. Just one of the nit-picks of the literary world. Just like last time, you have something good here, the basis for a really intriguing story, but I just wished I had more. More detail, more character development, more writing, more... everything. I want to see you do really well with this story, and I think you can. There's just little things you have to work on. i know,i know im just trying my best but theres alot of pressure going on so i feel i should write from what,well slips even though i dont mean too. sad Hey now, don't go getting down. No one here is mad at you or anything. I understand. There can be lots of pressure to get things done or do them perfectly. But just do what feels natural. Writing is something you do for yourself, for your enjoyment. I don't say what I do to be mean or to pressure you, but only to offer my thoughts to help you get better. So no worries. Trying your best is the most wonderful thing you could be doing, so just keep trying. ^_^
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-l- Psychotic Saint -l- Captain
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Posted: Tue Sep 06, 2011 1:53 pm
-l- Psychotic Saint -l- lindxey1 -l- Psychotic Saint -l- Ok.. so now I'm just starting to get confused. The dialog is nice, it's always fun to see characters interacting, but there is just so little else that we don't have a lot to go on. There's no mention of what happened in the first part you posted, there's new characters introduced whom we have no idea who they are. Also, while you did better this time, you still seem to be having problems with proper proof reading, punctuation and capitalization and all that fun stuff. For poetry, this format would be fine, but with prose you have to be very careful that what you're putting down is grammatically correct. Just one of the nit-picks of the literary world. Just like last time, you have something good here, the basis for a really intriguing story, but I just wished I had more. More detail, more character development, more writing, more... everything. I want to see you do really well with this story, and I think you can. There's just little things you have to work on. i know,i know im just trying my best but theres alot of pressure going on so i feel i should write from what,well slips even though i dont mean too. sad Hey now, don't go getting down. No one here is mad at you or anything. I understand. There can be lots of pressure to get things done or do them perfectly. But just do what feels natural. Writing is something you do for yourself, for your enjoyment. I don't say what I do to be mean or to pressure you, but only to offer my thoughts to help you get better. So no worries. Trying your best is the most wonderful thing you could be doing, so just keep trying. ^_^ its hard too,i just started high school last week as a 9th grader and ive been having anxiety attacks ever since so ive only written blob stuff not what i normally would write,i got busier. sad
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Posted: Tue Sep 06, 2011 1:56 pm
lindxey1 -l- Psychotic Saint -l- lindxey1 -l- Psychotic Saint -l- Ok.. so now I'm just starting to get confused. The dialog is nice, it's always fun to see characters interacting, but there is just so little else that we don't have a lot to go on. There's no mention of what happened in the first part you posted, there's new characters introduced whom we have no idea who they are. Also, while you did better this time, you still seem to be having problems with proper proof reading, punctuation and capitalization and all that fun stuff. For poetry, this format would be fine, but with prose you have to be very careful that what you're putting down is grammatically correct. Just one of the nit-picks of the literary world. Just like last time, you have something good here, the basis for a really intriguing story, but I just wished I had more. More detail, more character development, more writing, more... everything. I want to see you do really well with this story, and I think you can. There's just little things you have to work on. i know,i know im just trying my best but theres alot of pressure going on so i feel i should write from what,well slips even though i dont mean too. sad Hey now, don't go getting down. No one here is mad at you or anything. I understand. There can be lots of pressure to get things done or do them perfectly. But just do what feels natural. Writing is something you do for yourself, for your enjoyment. I don't say what I do to be mean or to pressure you, but only to offer my thoughts to help you get better. So no worries. Trying your best is the most wonderful thing you could be doing, so just keep trying. ^_^ its hard too,i just started high school last week as a 9th grader and ive been having anxiety attacks ever since so ive only written blob stuff not what i normally would write,i got busier. sad Then perhaps you should just cool the writing for a bit, focus on getting other stuff settled first. You shouldn't force the writing or feel like you have to get it in. Just do it when you feel like it.
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-l- Psychotic Saint -l- Captain
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Posted: Tue Sep 06, 2011 2:01 pm
-l- Psychotic Saint -l- lindxey1 -l- Psychotic Saint -l- lindxey1 -l- Psychotic Saint -l- Ok.. so now I'm just starting to get confused. The dialog is nice, it's always fun to see characters interacting, but there is just so little else that we don't have a lot to go on. There's no mention of what happened in the first part you posted, there's new characters introduced whom we have no idea who they are. Also, while you did better this time, you still seem to be having problems with proper proof reading, punctuation and capitalization and all that fun stuff. For poetry, this format would be fine, but with prose you have to be very careful that what you're putting down is grammatically correct. Just one of the nit-picks of the literary world. Just like last time, you have something good here, the basis for a really intriguing story, but I just wished I had more. More detail, more character development, more writing, more... everything. I want to see you do really well with this story, and I think you can. There's just little things you have to work on. i know,i know im just trying my best but theres alot of pressure going on so i feel i should write from what,well slips even though i dont mean too. sad Hey now, don't go getting down. No one here is mad at you or anything. I understand. There can be lots of pressure to get things done or do them perfectly. But just do what feels natural. Writing is something you do for yourself, for your enjoyment. I don't say what I do to be mean or to pressure you, but only to offer my thoughts to help you get better. So no worries. Trying your best is the most wonderful thing you could be doing, so just keep trying. ^_^ its hard too,i just started high school last week as a 9th grader and ive been having anxiety attacks ever since so ive only written blob stuff not what i normally would write,i got busier. sad Then perhaps you should just cool the writing for a bit, focus on getting other stuff settled first. You shouldn't force the writing or feel like you have to get it in. Just do it when you feel like it. okay,thanks rofl
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