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 Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2011 7:24 pm
I haven't been rping (or writing) for awhile and I'm not really sure what level I'm at. So it would be nice if some of you guys took a look at blurb that I wrote (inspired by a pic on deviantart) and give me a few pointers on how I can improve. It's more of a short story than a rp post, just to keep in mind.
Here it is
“This is a little weird.”
"Just trust me, nothings gonna happen"
Vivian looked up to the boy that she met a few days ago. How could something that leaves a whirling trail of plasma in his wake, offer her the stars, along with sixteen freaking feet wide wings look so human was beyond her. He in turn stared back at her with those old eyes of his. It seemed like a lifetime passed between them when as if breaking yet another taboo, he averted his gaze and sank to the ground.
“You know that this isn’t any easier on me, right.” He asked, looking down at the water. If it was anyone else they would have thought it sounded like some sort of bitter confession, but Vivian wasn’t anyone else. She knew him, like he knew her. She’s always known him. They’ve walked the eons at each others side though the young woman might not remember it right yet.
Though that could change in a heartbeat, but they knew it wasn’t time for that though given the circumstances they had no choice. Vivian brushed her hand on his pantleg before resting it on his knee. He wasn’t confessing to anything. He was trying to apologize. The very thought made her eyes sting with unshed tears, it wasn’t his fault that he couldn’t protect the other shade keeper. He wasn’t their guardian, when that building collapsed his only thought was to save his keeper. She raised her head to return the gaze that was on her and smiled.
“I know.”
That was all he needed to hear.
A tender look crossed his face as he brushed the now glowing flow in her hair before a wistful smile ruined it. When he pulled away Vivian noticed that his hand had an orange glow that floated away in varying sized orbs. She quickly looked down to her foot in the water and cringed away. This was it, it was what he was about to explain before the house began to fall apart. Butterflies were dancing in her stomach as she worried about the potential consequences of doing this too early. Will she be fully recognized as a real shade keeper or will they reject her and end the cycle?
“Hey, It’s alright I’m right here. You know what to do. Leia knew it, Elizabeth knew it, and so did the other’s before you.”
Offering a quick prayer to the Ancients, she slowly forced herself to relax and timidly reached out for his hand.
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Posted: Wed Aug 10, 2011 4:25 am
It's definately above the workig of someone with basic writing skills, though I wouldn't call it literate quite yet. Based on what I see, I would place you in the moderate section of the rp's, maybe dabble a bit in the semi lit area of the advanced section. Once you get back into the sway of writing, I'd say try your hand at a lit rp or two.
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Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2011 9:38 pm
Nandoral It's definately above the workig of someone with basic writing skills, though I wouldn't call it literate quite yet. Based on what I see, I would place you in the moderate section of the rp's, maybe dabble a bit in the semi lit area of the advanced section. Once you get back into the sway of writing, I'd say try your hand at a lit rp or two. Thank you so very much!
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