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| Total Votes : 3 |
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 Posted: Wed May 25, 2011 3:07 pm
Ok, so I can't take credit for this. My father wrote it, but I found it to amazing NOT to put up.
With Pride!
by Gus Fadhel on Monday, May 23, 2011 at 3:20pm
Soldier! Your body lies in burned out fields in Viet Nam!
You gave your life for the fool who burns the flag.
Today you paid for my freedom with your life,
Your sacrifice will not be lost, I promise.
With every breath and beat of my body I will call out your name…
SOLDIER!
Marine! Your body floats in the water of Omaha Beach!
You gave your life for the ignorant that spits on your memory.
Today you paid for my daughter’s education with your life,
Your name will stand beside mine in my soul, I promise.
With every breath and beat of my body I will call out your name…
MARINE!
Sailor! Your body is entombed within the entrails of the Arizona!
You gave your life for the heartless who cursed your service.
Today you paid for my son’s future with your life,
Your honor will not be forgotten, I promise.
With every breath and beat of my body I will call out your name…
SAILOR!
Airman! Your body’s burned in the desert in Iraq!
You gave your life for the ungrateful who protest your funeral.
Today you paid for my wife’s rights with your life,
I will carry your courage high above, like a torch lighting the darkness, I promise
With every breath and beat of my body I will call out your name…
AIRMAN!
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Posted: Sat May 28, 2011 3:58 pm
I'm not so great with poetry so I don't know how I should critique it. xD
I like it though. The idea is worth expressing.
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Posted: Sat May 28, 2011 5:36 pm
deadly-lunar-panda I'm not so great with poetry so I don't know how I should critique it. xD I like it though. The idea is worth expressing. Thank you! It's ok thank you for the personal opinion xD
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Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2011 10:20 pm
Mmm... needs something else. Another stanza, I think. The last word of the poem is "Airman!" which fits with the rest of the poem's structure, fine, but it's also the last thing the reader is left with. You want to finish the poem with a strong line that leaves a lasting impression on the reader, something that encapsulates the poem's main point.
Am I making sense?
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