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 Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2006 8:38 pm
I'm very sorry for not explaining my situation any better than I already did. I am married now, I'm not used to saying Husbad, because I just got used to saying Fiance. I'm sorry for thinking you guys were being rude when all you guys where doing was trying to help me out. I just get really frustrated with this subject, and a little hurt when I try to talk about it with people.
I'm going to see about going to a GYN and talk over the things that you guys said that I should.
I went to www.yourdays.com , and I got me a calendar started, and I'm going to read over a lot of the information on there.
Thanks for everyone trying to help me out. I really do appreciate it a lot even if I was being rude about it.
Do you guys' have anymore sites that would help me out?
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Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2006 9:01 pm
As for your questions:
1) Your hymen has nothing to do with you getting pregnant. If sperm gets in your v****a at all, you can get pregnant. Period. Doesn't matter whether or not you've broken your hymen.
2) Having ejaculate and/or lubrication drain out of you is normal. But to my knowledge, it also has nothing to do with how you get pregnant. Same with the "having to go pee after sex" feeling.
Another thing to consider is that your body just might not BE ready to have a baby. You're still 17, still growing, still developing, both physically, mentally, and biologically. Your might not be allowing you to get pregnant, for whatever reasons.
I'd really recommend talking to a doctor if you're asking questions like these, no offense meant. We're not medical professionals, and even if we can give you answers, it's always best to get an answer from a medical professional. You could also ask the doctor any other questions you might have.
I'd also recommend counselling. But that's just me.
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Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2006 7:28 am
I am in TOTAL agreement with Nikolita.
Frankly, I'm concerned that you are not using condoms and are exposing yourself to STDs by the semen comment.
Also, I think that if you are having sex without finding out the facts behind your fertility FIRST, it's time to go to the doctor and seriously get some sexual education before you guys go at it again. I'm a little frightened for you because you seem to think that just because you might not have had a hymen (MANY women do not have one because they are very delicate and easily broken) or may have and you think you can't get pregnant because of that?
I second the needing to find a counselor ASAP since you are 17 trying to get pregnant. That's just my opinion because normal 17 year old girls don't actively try to do so and especially don't have a willing parnter on board. I think you need to go see your GYN and get seriously educated on your body, fertility, pregnancy, the dangers, etc. before you go further.
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Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2006 10:43 am
Urinating does not prevent pregnancy: how could it? It DOES however, help prevent you from getting a urinary tract infection by clearing out any bacteria that may have made their way up your urethra during intercourse. You're actually doing that right. Many women neglect to do this when they should be and end up with UTI's because of it.
I can't really add to the stuff about hymens because it's merely a thin thin piece of tissue and in this day and age with physically active young women and tampons, a lot of us didn't have a hymen the first time we had sex. They tear really easily and go away. And even if yours were still intact, they have a hole in the center so that you can menstruate without their obstructing anything. There seems to be a lot of confusion about this and people have these strange ideas that the hymen is some big hard to penetrate force field or something.
Now about your age because that's where the counseling suggestions are coming from, I'm not going to harp on that but put what I have to say like this: I could care less about your age and that's not really the issue. What is the issue, however, is that you are most likely 1) still in highschool, 2) do no work full time nor does your BF so you have NO WAY to support yourselves, move out, pay bills, pay for health care, and 3) your parents are going to be forced to foot the bills and house this baby and I'm pretty damn sure you haven't discussed this with them and how they feel about it. Because while you can argue it's your body, it's their home and their resources that you're taking without giving them any say and that's just not OK. What gives you the right to intentionally burden them because you decided to play house when you're not financially ready to?
I'd hold off trying to get pregnant until you can actually take care of yourself without relying on Mommy and Daddy to do it for you because you're not an adult if you can't do that and it's stupid to try and get pregnant under those circumstances, and selfish.
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Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2006 3:09 pm
And you need to learn that getting advice doesn't always mean hearing what you want to and not to throw a hissy or seeing rudeness or ill-intent where there was none. You'll have to excuse me for not seeing the huge sign stapled to your forehead that says, 'HI, I'M MARRIED, WORKING FULL TIME, LIVE ON MY OWN, AND HAVE INSURANCE." Since you know most 17 year olds already have that. Yes, I am being rather sarcastic as your situation is quite obviously not the 'norm.' So perhaps next time you should give more circumstances to your personal situation if you'd like more personalized advice. We can only give it based on what we're presented and the way you presented you are 17, in high school and unmarried--you mentioned a "fiance" and that's it, thus the advice you've gotten until this point. I'd also like to point out that according to your Gaia journal you have a boyfriend, no mention of a husband. Had you given more of your personal circumstances, all three responses would have been quite different because we would have known that you're not planning to, quite bluntly, be a leech and force your parents to take care of you and a baby in their home on their dime. It's obviously different because you are in your own and able to support yourselves. I made it a point to say your age wasn't what bothered me but what your circumstances most likely are.
And in regards to me, as you've taken so much of an affront to me, if you read me correctly you will see that I said, "What is the issue, however, is that you are most likely 1) still in highschool...." and then went on from there, meaning that was my understanding of the situation and I fail to see how I was rude or even out of line. Or how anyone including the GUILD LEADER was in this case. No one flamed you, no one called you names [which frankly you've resorted to in the past *cough*]. I have yet to flame anyone in my two years on Gaia and I don't plan to start with you. Nor were you the first, or will you be the last person to ever accuse me of being rude because I speak proper English and I'm aware I come off as sounding a bit cold. It's who I am and well, that's not about to change because a few people chose to have their feelings hurt by reading too deeply into what I've said.
So take a few minutes and calm down next time before getting indignant and then throwing a temper tantrum at 'rudeness' that didn't actually happen.
Anywho, now that I don't have to defend myself against the teenage indignity and stereotypical "OMIGOD UR SO MEAN!!1!! NO ONE UNDERSTANDS BUT IT'S NOT MY FAULT: I EXPECT YOU ALL TO READ MY MIND," rheotoric, here's some revised advice now that I have more information to base it on.
You've been trying for a year and are in a situation where you can take care of a baby including having insurance if you're working full time. So here we go:
Go to your gyno, and get a full check up explaining that you've been trying for a year to get pregnant.
He needs to do the same.
Any couple under the age of 35 trying to conceive and has been at it for a year should be checked out for infertility issues. They need to make sure there isn't a health issue in why you're not able to get pregnant. He may have a low sperm count or you may have cysts or something else going on preventing you from being fertile.
Next, when you have sex will have a huge impact on your chances of conceiving a child and in any given month under perfect conditions, your chances are anywhere from 0-25%: that's it. Sites like www.yourdays.com can help you track your cycle and figure out when you're most fertile as well as give you lots of information on your reproductive cycle that you seem to be lacking. It'll teach you how to figure out when you're ovulating and give lots of information. Knowledge is power, find out anything you can rather then sitting in the dark and guessing. Having sex too often can also hinder the process. Sperm are at their optimum every other day.
On that particular site I believe they also advise you in ways to help up your chances like doing things you would do if you were already pregnant: cut back on caffeine, start taking a prenatal vitamin [yes, anytime you know you're going to start trying you should be on one to get all the nutrition you can early on], improve your diet in general.
I could go on quite a bit more but I think that's a good start. I honestly understand your frustrations and how stressful this must be for you; it took my husband and I almost 8 months to conceive our baby and I do know what it's like to think there's something wrong with you or you must not be doing it right. You don't often hear of younger couples experiencing infertility issues unless you frequent infertility blogs.
And try to take a bit of your own advice: you don't know any of us either because we don't have our life stories plastered to our shirts so you know who you're yelling at. Just learn to give the full circumstances so you get the advice you want rather then advice that was meant for someone else. And realize that no one here gives advice with ill intent or is trying to be rude. The written word is left up to interpretation of the reader and we can't control how we come off sounding to you. So try to give the benefit of the doubt next time.
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Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2006 3:42 pm
Hm, I didn't know you were married. We all assumed you were NOT because you mentioned in the first, original post that he was your fiance.
As for STDs, I'm assuming you aren't educated on that since you seem to not be educated at ALL when it comes to your fertility. Unless you've been to the GYN and gotten all the tests and came out clean, you don't know you are clean. It's best to make sure you have a clean bill of health BEFORE trying to conceive.
In case you didn't know, there is one STD that is suprisingly easy to catch. HPV condoms aren't barriers against, some people don't even know they are carriers, and just cuddling naked you can get it. So you may not have been having intercourse and can still get it. Same with your partners.
If you can't see how you can possibly have an STD or understand how a hymen even works, go to the GYN, take some sexual education classes, and have your partner as well. Besides, regardless of your trying to conceive right now and my opinions, I'm going to guess (being that I've been there as a mother of a 3 year old and currently expecting) that you don't want to get pregnant RIGHT after you have a baby. You're going to have to learn your options and managing your fertility eventually. The best time to do it is now. That starts with being smart, educated, and seeing a doctor.
That's been mentioned several times and I'm just pushing that again.
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Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2006 4:57 pm
You could try talking to a doctor, researching fertility/pregnancy groups in your area, or just looking it up online. www.google.com --> "Trying to Conceive" or something like that might work. smile
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Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2006 8:33 pm
I would definatly advise against it as well. Younger women may be capable of having children but we are also at risk for certain things other women manage to stop. In my case because I was only 17 my body didnt handle making my son well and Together we did not produce enough apha fetal proteins to finish his development. SO because of that my son as ready as I was emotionally was born with a hole to the right of his belly button with 3 coils of his small intestine outside his body. IF anyone would like I will post some pictures on here of the scarring of this particular brith defect if it would help you guys understand. Its nothing graphic but you would get the idea.
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