|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Fri Feb 03, 2006 8:13 pm
Hiya! A while ago, I felt inspired by something and I felt like writing a poem. Here's my first attempt at writing decent poetry. Advice is welcome! Hope you enjoy!
A Simple Smile
Your simple smile, so warm, so pure
Just makes me feel sure
That life is a dream
Mixed with milk and cream
Through the wavering times of doubt
Even though without
Your strengthening smile
I can last awhile
But strength would soon drain away
I fall in dismay
Never touching love
Of your smile above
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Feb 04, 2006 12:50 am
 That was a sweet poem SakuraDroplet
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Feb 04, 2006 7:56 am
[This is a very cute poem!
The middle is lovely, but the end is a little open, though, like you couldn't decide on an ending. 3nodding ] []
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Feb 05, 2006 1:46 pm
Thank you for your comments, Crystal Espers and Passion_Dragon! ^_^ Passion_Dragon The middle is lovely, but the end is a little open, though, like you couldn't decide on an ending. ] I agree. I couldn't really decide whether it should be a nice, happy ending or an ending on the cloudy side. Endings aren't my forte. sweatdrop
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2006 7:38 am
SakuraDroplet45 Thank you for your comments, Crystal Espers and Passion_Dragon! ^_^ Passion_Dragon The middle is lovely, but the end is a little open, though, like you couldn't decide on an ending. ] I agree. I couldn't really decide whether it should be a nice, happy ending or an ending on the cloudy side. Endings aren't my forte. sweatdrop [Well, the beginning sounds like the person is talking about right now, while the 2nd part sounds reflective, like she's looking back. I think the end should probably bring us back to the happy present-day feelings of the first verse. 3nodding ] []
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue May 02, 2006 3:12 pm
it sounds like a simple simily
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
