Welcome to Gaia! ::

I suppose I'll start with a tad of background, since it makes the issues more apparent.

When I was a little kid, I used to live in an awful neighborhood, and I did until a few years ago. It was in the middle of the ghetto where I went to school, and my school was like 98% black. I'd often get made fun of, beat up, a n tons of s**t. School was my personal hell, home was my personal hell. My mom worked more than one job and barely had enough time to sleep until we moved to where we are now. She had her friend watch me at nights. He robbed me of my childhood. I'm not going to say specifically how, because I feel you all will just b***h about that one little thing, instead of the issue at hand. Continuing, I was chronically depressed(Yes, diagnosed by a doctor). I'd starve myself(depression for me = overeating, so to avoid this I'd force myself to not eat at all) and I was emotionally unstable. After we moved, he stayed there, we moved away because my mom got a way better job opportunity. We mvoed when I was 11(I'm 15 now) and not until about a year and a half ago, maybe two years ago, did I finally reach a stable point. I didn't just snap out of it, it took a lot of therapy and such. Through all of the therapy I basically just built a wall so to speak, where I'll just block out anything bad, or anything that upsets me. I met some great friends, and they've helped a lot, not by knowing and talking, but more of just the fact that I have friends. When I first started therapy, my mom got me a dog. I gave him one of the most generic dog names; Max. I love him to death, I sleep with him at night, he helps me drive, he always greets me, he's just a nice dog. He helped quite a bit through everything. When I'm down, I express it through drawing/painting/art, and it makes me feel better.

Lately, as of a few weeks ago, my mom's friend who used to watch me moved to where we now live, and now lives in the room right next to mine. His door is literally 2 inches from mine.

In school I haven't been able to concentrate. I'm a honors student, I'm in Pre-AP, I got great scores on the CPT so I can do duel enrollment, I'm a good student. Ever since he came back I haven't been able to concentrate during class. I still get good grades, but my high A's are dropping to low A's. I haven't been wanting to draw, and when I try, I mess up and get frustrated with myself. I haven't been able to sleep, I stay up just laying in bed with my eyes closed until 3-4 AM then wake up at 7:30. I haven't been feeling hungry, and I haven't been wanting to do anything except stay in my room. I've been feeling depressed because my mom and dad are bitching at each other about claiming me as their dependent for tax returns, and I feel like it's my fault that they're getting at each other's throats.

I don't know how to help myself. I feel like I can't do anything for myself, and if I try to, I'll just ******** things up worse. I really need some advise on things I can do to concentrate/focus/clear my mind. I've tried meditation and stuff, but I'm too impatient for that. And I really need help soon, because at this rate I feel like I'm just going to explode.

My mom likes him a lot. They go out often and such, and she's been single for a long time, and she''d most likely assume I just don't want him around since me and my mom are pretty close.

Also, I have a topic in burn with a few things I've done, but I could always show you more.

http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?t=20945723

He's done many things that have wrecked my childhood and emotional stability.

My dad has job hours that won't allow me to live with him. Plus I think they went to court over who I live with and such.

Thanks

I'll try to talk to her soon.