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 Posted: Sun Feb 20, 2011 6:47 pm
i am panse&#xua;l, not bi as i previously stated in another thread. this wont matter much because panse&#xua;lity is part of the bi/pan/fluid community and the only difference is that in addition to being attracted to both men and women, i am attracted to everything in between. the only relevancy this has to the topic at hand is that i want to have se% with men sometimes.
so ive been best friends with a guy since the start of the sch001year. we tell each other almost anything. when i figured out i liked d**k i wondered why i wasnt in love with him. i dont wonder anymore because i am in love with him. he knows that i find him attractive and would love to have se% with him, but he does not know that i love him.
unfortunately, i hit on him as a joke. a lot. eÎpt im only half kidding, and he knows that. but last night i slept over at his house. we slept in sleeping bags on the f100r of his basement. another kid was there. we joked about TOTALLY HAVING THE SE% when after he fell asleep. then he actually fell asleep. we didnt do anything. im the only f**. but when i readjusted my position in my sleeping bag, he asked me if i got closer to him. i said no. but then i had an idea, which was to ask him "would it be okay if i did?"
i sat for maybe ten minutes in the dark, trying to get the words out. i hadnt eaten enough for dinner. i was terrified. and i realized that i was beyond a doubt totally in love with him. those three emotions are awful together. i felt a little sick and pretty dizzy and really uncomfortable. i felt that cold heat on me that happens when you have the f100 or something. and every time i tried to say it, all thatd come out was air. i kept wondering what i was so scared of. the worst thing that could happen would be him saying no, and i didnt think that would happen. after a while i finally managed to squeeze out a whisper of his name. after that it was easier.
his answer was one word. "no."
i should have seen it coming. i guess i was too busy with having some sort of painful orgasm to think clearly. thats what it kind of felt like, btw. i spent the rest of the night wondering if i had just ruined our friendship.
when i woke up it was like it didnt happen. im pretty sure he didnt know i was being 100% serious that time.
ive asked him hypothetically how hed react if it turned out i was totes gay for him, and all he said was "im not gay."
i want to tell him. because i really love him. but i dont know how hed respond. i dont think he could ever love me back. but maybe itd still work out? i really need some help on this.
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Posted: Sun Feb 20, 2011 7:03 pm
Sometimes you have to follow your heart. But sometimes, if you know it'll make too many people miserable (including and especially yourself), you gotta listen to your head. I'm young, but I understand how messy those kind of things can be. If he told you he isn't gay, or at least doesn't feel the same, thats often a subtle way of saying no and as his friend you should respect his boundaries. However, if you don't think you'd be able to recover (can't think of a better way of putting that) without getting this off your chest then tell him and mend your friendship together. Good luck 3nodding
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Posted: Sun Feb 20, 2011 10:16 pm
I'm wondering if this is love or lust.. Sometimes it's really hard to tell.
I've been confused a few times about it.. so it's possible for other people.
Either way, I hope you figure out what you're going to do. & with that, I hope it doesn't ruin your friendship.
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Posted: Sun Feb 20, 2011 11:13 pm
If he's not gay, unfortunately there's nothing you can really do.
I, myself don't mind gays but I'd never become one myself.
Some people just arn't attracted to the same sex.
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Posted: Mon Feb 21, 2011 2:35 pm
Lady Kira X I'm wondering if this is love or lust.. Sometimes it's really hard to tell.
I've been confused a few times about it.. so it's possible for other people.
Either way, I hope you figure out what you're going to do. & with that, I hope it doesn't ruin your friendship. its not lust. i only find dicks attractive. but hes just a really great person and were really good friends and he has a d**k, so i can deal with the rest of his body.
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