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A Fungus Like You [poem]

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Daku_Hana

Naughty Nymph

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 4:58 pm


Like a small crawling little pest.
Crawling around and sneaking about.
You mouth so full of diseases,
The lies the squeal out of your mouth
Just taunting and teasing my anger.
Your way of life is by floating and buzzing
Into the lives of others, knowing that your not invited into them.
Invading my house making me feel discomfort
Building up irritation in my place of sanctuary.
Your almost like a virus just spreading
Invading more and more.
Your Like a fungus slowly rotting into my life.
It never seems like I can never go home with out
The thought that your disgusting and unwelcome
Presence will be there.
Have you no life that you need to lie and pollute the lives of others.
I just wish you would disappear, I just wish I could find a medication
To demolish you or cure me of your sickness.

Speaking or even hearing of your name builds up a vile
Taste in my tongue making me gag and feel the need to vomit.

The illness you cause me is nearly deadly.
Will there ever be a cure for you.
PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 7:59 am


Its not too bad, but it needs some work. The punctuation need help. You vary from using it, and not using to. Also there seems to be some organization issues, but i cant quite put my finger on it. Something is just not comming out right.

But it's a good premise over all. You dont need to do a lot of editing.

~~SWEETNIGHT~~

sweetnight

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Gaian Literary Elitist's Alliance

 
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