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In January of 2008 I got a visit from my stepfather. He delivered news that my mother had passed away of heart failure in her sleep.

There's no need for anyone to apologize for this, I'm passed it. The thing is is that only Mike (my step father) and myself know about her passing. Neither one of us knew how to get in contact with her family. No phone numbers, e-mail addresses, physical address, nothing. Until recently it didn't occur to me to use facebook to look for anyone in the family (it was actually suggested to me by a co-worker).

Well needless to say, I looked up my mothers sister. I think I found her but its been years since we last spoke, I was probably barely ten when I last saw her. I'm twenty-two now. The reason I think it's her is cause of her location, Illinois. She didn't have a picture of herself, but I remember the mans name to whom she is married to and he is her friends. So I can only assume after that. Or I can send her a message and find out. I plan to regardless.

My reason for asking advice is, how do I tell her? I can't just up and say; "Mom, passed away a couple years ago, sorry for the delay in telling you." It's bad enough, that I lost my mother, lost contact with both my stepfather and my biological father (which sort of makes me the black sheep of all three sides of the family). I'm just at a loss. I'm unsure if I can deliver this awful news.



If anyone can't seem to give advice, I do thank you for reading this far and allowing me to vent a frustration.

This may seem cold and callused, but why do you have to tell them?
If they weren't in contact with your mom, then does it even matter? If they had been a part of her life, they would have known sooner.

If you do feel you have to tell them or just want to be thoughtful and courteous, don't be surprised if they're either pissed for not telling you sooner and/or to have been involved in things or not caring at all that she's dead and are annoyed that you have disrupted their lives.
Sometimes family become estranged for reason and not tell the kids and you might be digging up an unpleasant past.

You can just say "Mom, passed away a couple years ago, sorry for the delay in telling you." and trying to candy-coat it wont make the news any less sad.

I'm sorry about your loss of families. Do you have any siblings or friend of the family that you can grieve with?

Thank you everyone for the advice and kind words.

My mother and her sister were close, but due to some issues my mom was having she lost contact with her, and I suppose she just didn't think about trying to get in contact with my aunt. I didn't really notice because I'm not too family orientated.

I will inform my aunt about my mothers passing because I feel it is the right thing to do. And I'm sure she is missed by her family.

everyone has to leave the earth one day or another. fact of life mate.

What you need to do first is to see if she is who you think she is. Send a message saying that you're looking for someone from your past. If they identify who they are, then tell them what happened.