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Loving Kindness: A Buddhism Guild

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Tags: buddhism, philosophy, religion, dharma, health 

Reply Loving Kindness: A Buddhism Guild
Right. My Friend's Ex. Or rather, just my friend.

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Punk_Goth_Rocks

PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 11:50 am


My friend just had a rough breakup and she doesn't really know how to handle it. The guy she was with has tendencies to hurt himself (like deny him happiness; I don't know about physical pain though I'm pretty sure he has hurt himself like that in the past), and she's stuck because she still loves him and worries about him and everything. The reasons he broke up with her are unclear though: he said it was because he wanted a girlfriend back at his home (they have a long distance relationship) but she is friends with one of his exes and she says that it's probably him hurting himself again, denying himself happiness. Of course she can't ask him either because he said they were never speaking again; something else his ex said he did to her.

My friend is very confused. She is also Buddhist, but in her time in being Buddhist she has never felt so bad. I was wondering if maybe there was something I could do or something I could advise her to do to help with the pain. She really loved this guy, and probably still does. I want to help, but I don't know what to say.
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 7:44 pm


It's one thing to talk about the idea of attachment as being a cause of suffering, it's another to experience the suffering brought on by attachment. While the obvious solution is simply to cut off that attachment, it's never quite that easy, is it? The pain she feels is understandable, and while it's not fun at all, she has been offered a great opportunity to understand suffering and the causes of suffering.

Our first instinct in the face of pain is to find an immediate solution to that pain. This is aversion. We know that pain is not so easily remedied, so we need to deal with it in another way. Rather than trying to move away from the pain, it is often taught in the Lam Rim to try to move closer to the pain. To get to know it better. To understand it, to become comfortable with it.

Through this, one develops great compassion for all beings who suffer in that way. Out of this compassion arises the motivation to practice the dharma.

As for what you can do, you are already doing quite a bit by listening to her, by being supportive and trying to help. In this difficult time, she will need that sort of kindness.

Tenzin Chodron
Crew


Punk_Goth_Rocks

PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 9:44 am


The problem with her being closer to him, however, is that it's impossible, seeing as he blocked her on MSN and won't accept her calls. I do however see the intelligence in the rest. I shall pass on this information.
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Loving Kindness: A Buddhism Guild

 
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