When is it enough to feel indulgent [explicit-offenisive] | Page 1 | - You: Personal Discussion, Life Issues, & Advice - | Guild Forums

funtime_laceration

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Posted: Sat Jan 29, 2011 10:53 pm

This is rambling. Something not many apretiate, butby placing this here is expected to be discussed.

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At what point is it okay to feels sad for yourself, angry or enraged for your own sake? After how much is it appropriate to feel

selfindulgent, like you matter. As if your say counts or you affect anything?

Usually i try not to make a big deal out of things. Not to over indulge in sadness or anything that might lead to being selfimportent or

selfcentered. I hate it. I hate using "I". Being self explanitory or being selfabsorbed. I want to get through it without affecting anyone

else or beinjg the jackass thats prying for attention, trying to make everybody know what i am or how "cool" my brain is or blatantly blurt

out my ideals. Just take everything and yeah.. there is no macroimage to explain how i feel.

to put it into a simle
its like when ever someone says something you dissagree with or think is stupid and you can't hold your tongue

or

when you want to do something or have an urge so bad, but you can't because of how it would affect them or someone else--

or when youre own thought, aspects of life, pursuit of happiness intrudes upon others.

Even with those thoughts in mind rules and prewritten morals to follow. i can't help but be a hypocrite. I'm quite submissive but by being

so passive i'm letting other people intrude upon my own pursuit of happiness. and even then i feel like a GOSH DARN c**t, a total

douchejerkfaceassdick, if i ever feel bad or try to say or voice that there's a dampening of my spirits. Ifeel selfabsorbed or self

important when i feel sad or depressed or angry because it conflicts with my ideals, which makes me a hypocrite which i can't feel bad

about which creates and endless cycle of stupidity and frustration. I feel like a child.

When i get pissed off or if i feel like s**t or if some one takes a crowbar to my testies i can't show it. i just can't. I feel like i'm

bottling it all up. And i don't know if i am. I just know that i'm frustrated and i wish that i could do something about it, but i won't. i

can't.

From liars and rumors and bullshit that goes on forever, I can't object to anything. I'm a pushover and i feel like i'm living to serve

everyone else. or am i just so wrapped up in myself that i think that i deserve more. Sinse when did anyone deserve anything? IDK. I can't

do anything about it anywyas. I feel like i let people walk all over me,and when i finally let loose i always end up in the worst of

predicaments. i end up hurting someone, an inoscent bistandard, myself, people i care about, i break laws, i nreak nridges. when i finally

break down its utter catastrophy. i sometimes, very very veeery rarely i'l go on a drinking binge. and i really hate that.

In the end i keep feeling like i deserve it. Like I deserve to be a doormat.

It even happens with my love life. Everytime that i'm with a nice girl she dissapoints me and i disapoint myself.
I try so hard to please them, i give them everything i have, i bleed for them, and weep for them. I try to be a nice guy, although i can't

quite say that i'm the nicest guy, who really is-- I'm always polite, i love the parents and they always adore me back. I'm a very generous

lover, I try my hardest to stay fit and cut, sacrificing most of my time away from them to working out. but every time they always leave me

for someone else, on most occasions for someone that gives them bruises in the face. Which leads me to believe that i must be

THE BIGGEST ASSWHOLE ON EARTH

I keep ending up with cmplsive liars and harlots. attention whores and commonplace jezebels. ruining my reputation and spreading horrendous

rumors and sleeping in and hugging up on every man in sight. and i can understand the need to feel affectionate towards a friend and want

to hug them or display that you have some sort of a connection to them, but at somepoint theres has to be a line. You cannot just give

friendly felatio. sucking your pals c**k is not the same as giving a hug. if thats your thing its cool, i just wish you would take everyone

elses feelings into account.

once when i really felt down and i was with my partner we made out, i was really slow and i respectful first, but she lead me on to keep

going further, at somepoint she just took off her shirt and put my hands there. she kept saying "bite me, bite me" but when i did i guess i

was too rough.Inever went further than under the shirt with her, everything was always about ehr. its always about them. i drew the

slightest bit of blood fromn her neck and i left light brouses on her chest and thighs, but i suppose that she had never been through

hickies before or something because she left after and said that i was too rough. i told her that i was capable of change, of sacrifice and

self improvement, but she just spread the rumor that i molested her. i knew that i hadn't, she knew as well. then she has the nerve to try

and hang around me and act like we're still friends, i wish we could be, but she acts like she must own me. this happened with other girls

afterwords as well, i was just being nice, a friendly howdy-do or a friendly suprise gift. I wasn't even making advance on them, but they

have the nerve to spread s**t knowing they have to deal with me everyday, living in the same area, we used to go to the same school, or in

public places. sometimes people will come up to me talking about people that i don't even know, people that i don't know know me, and a lot

about me. I just want to make them stop. I hate people being victimized.

even the most likely of girls that i have ever known. There was the one girl who i thought i would be with forever, bushe left me and

shortly after she pretty much killed our unbourne child.
And after her i thought that i could trust in another girl but she turned out to be a raging sexxual fiend that kept ******** around with

guys in thier late 20s to mid 30s and then cheated all over me, forget marriage when i found out i was devastated but i was willing to work

with it maybe go to couples councilling.
or my very first seriouse relationship. i did everything for her, i went through phases, bled for her,bought exotic foreign clothes for

her, i've made so many sacrifices. in the end the was just with me for kicks. she only ever meant to be on me for about a week.
i had several relationships just the same after her. I think that she's the reason that i turned out the way i am, i'm better for it,

having grown a lot, but i wish that things wouldn't have gone so roughly and hadn't been so costly.
I hate feeling like this douchebag a** gobler doormatpusspuss.

that a great way to put it. I'm a little pusspuss, a pudle of pathetic.

The only time that i ever act like a confident man is when i have to stand up for someone else, like when i have to throw a person through

a window or crack a few ribs because they keep harassing my friends or gallpals. even then, i don't feel like a protector or a strong

shield of valor, i feel like an a** of somesort. like i'm showing off too much or like i'm being a nice guy for some bad reason.

and when i feel bad about myself, i get angry at myself for feeling sad because it could be worse but the guilt of feeling bad makes me

even more sad which enrages me to no end in a frenzy of ever intensifying discomfort. which makes me feel like a d**k. its like when you

keep telling yourself, it could be worse.
"atleast its not raining, atleast youre not broke", "atleast your not out in the streets, living in the poorest part of kenya, having to

perform felatio on foreign buisnes men to get by", at least you aren't an incest victim that contracted a STD from a relative. But you are

extremely offensive and you keep moping about nothing you son of a b***h."

This is such a trivial and selfish personal matter as well. like making mountains out of molehills, nothing becomes a ********. It

makes me feal like bad, like watery corn diarreah bad. that bad. bullshit.

am i over playing the severity of things? am i taking inor injustices and bitching far toomuch about it? Am i under or over reacting?

i wish that i could insert a long string of blaspheme and anger filled words and comments, but theres no phrase, no words or scribe that i

can use to express how much i hate myself.

i want to feel justified in my selfpitty, i just want to make a difference, but i live in that fantassy, reallity always bites me in the

a** for indulging in such reveries. I'll only ever be pathtic and this rant is long and it blows.

no disrespect to sexxual deviants or liars or anything else mentioned, its just that the ones mentioned withinwere major wanks and really

hurt me in ways--

if you read this is for your luls, the baws, the sexxual deviants, the awesomes the wtfs the oh shits the nasty-s and the cool story bros:

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<******** GAME OVER!!!
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please bump/thumb. lol. no tht was lame and stupid.

Posted: Sun Jan 30, 2011 12:25 am

You are the apple...

I made it through about a little more than half of that. But what i think you're saying is, you feel like you never think about yourself before anyone else and you feel like people walk all over you for it. Correct me if im wrong...

Well, I'm the same kinda guy. I'll hurt myself before i hurt a friend or someone i care about. I give all i can into every relationship I get into. HOWEVER, you need to learn one thing that i've only learned within the last half a year or so. Sometimes, you have to stick up for yourself and screw what other people think or feel.

It'll be hard, but you just have to do it. I'm still the same caring guy who puts his friends and family first before himself, and you will be, too; but once in a while, you just have to put yourself before everyone else.

and I am your core.

Rock4ourRock
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LorienLlewellyn

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Posted: Sun Jan 30, 2011 9:19 am

It's ok to feel things. Feelings things doesn't make you selfish. It makes you human. If you're going to feel good things, you're going to have to feel bad things sometimes too. And the bad feelings are usually the ones that help us learn and grow anyway.

Would you enjoy being submissive to the right woman if your limits were respected? If so, think about your limits. Talk about those limits at the beginning of a relationship, or even if you're just getting close to starting a relationship. Because right now it sounds like women might be mistaking you for a slave and thinking they can do whatever they want. You might even want to look into a D/s site or meet up. The women there might be more likely to understand the difference between sub and slave, to know what they want, to also want to discuss limits up front, to respect limits, etc.

But if you do not enjoy being submissive even to the right woman and when limits are respected, if you are breaking things, if you are drinking too much, if you're getting fights, etc. then maybe you should talk to a professional about it. They might be able to help you express yourself better before you reach your breaking point.

Posted: Sun Jan 30, 2011 9:14 pm

it would seem both the above posters replies are right on the money here. I agree with their advice, and I think you should follow it.

look man, we all have our emotions. we can't help feeling them. and trust me, I know where you're at, I've been their too. it took me half a decade to build up a sense of confidence and self-importance the ikes of whch have no reliance on what other people think or feel.

now that doesn't mean you have to change your whole outlook on life. it seems to me that the simple fact of the matter is, you want to help people and make them happy. that is what brings you purpose and satisfaction. but the problem is that nobody is actually taking your help, they are just using you, and you recognize this and are upset because you are not getting your satisfaction (the satisfaction that comes from helping others).

you are surrounded by the helpless, those who don't want to be helped. and you are sick of it. am I close at all?

all of these emotions you feel are being agravated by a sense of guilt for selfishness, and you don't seem to have any idea how to realy handle it. but you are smart enough to recognize the problem, and tht is very good.

if you ever need to talk, you can message me. and I'll even give you my phone number. smile

Chieftain Twilight

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elyzia
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Posted: Sun Jan 30, 2011 10:52 pm

funtime_laceration

At what point is it okay to feels sad for yourself, angry or enraged for your own sake? After how much is it appropriate to feel
selfindulgent, like you matter. As if your say counts or you affect anything?

Your feelings can never be wrong... How you feel isn't a matter of "correct" or "incorrect". Feelings aren't rational; they don't have to correspond appropriately to certain tangible tragic events or whatnot in the eyes of others... they don't have to correspond to anything, & you don't have to justify them or apologize for them to anybody.

Quote:

Usually i try not to make a big deal out of things. Not to over indulge in sadness or anything that might lead to being selfimportent or
selfcentered. I hate it. I hate using "I".

At the end of the day, though, you've got to be self-absorbed to a certain degree; you've got to make yourself & what's in your best interest your number one priority. After all, if you don't look out for yourself above all else, then who the ******** will? & after all, why wouldn't you have every right in the world to make yourself your number one priority, considering everybody else is their own number one priority?
Sometimes, when your emotional situation feels pretty desperate & hopeless, letting yourself make a big deal out of things & over-indulging in your sadness & permitting yourself to be a self-centered crazy ******** can actually be your best option. Sure, it's not an ideal way to act, but when you know you're not getting anywhere but further & further down inside your depression by staying silent & letting yourself be walked all over, then generally doing anything, saying anything, changing anything is better than remaining silent & locked inside yourself for yet another day. The more you express yourself, the more opportunities you open yourself up to.

Quote:

I'm quite submissive but by being

so passive i'm letting other people intrude upon my own pursuit of happiness. and even then i feel like a GOSH DARN c**t, a total

douchejerkfaceassdick, if i ever feel bad or try to say or voice that there's a dampening of my spirits. Ifeel selfabsorbed or self

important when i feel sad or depressed or angry because it conflicts with my ideals, which makes me a hypocrite which i can't feel bad

about which creates and endless cycle of stupidity and frustration. I feel like a child.

Your ideals are very admirable, I must admit... But when your ideals get in the way of your happiness, then that's generally a sign that something's wrong. Not wrong with you, not wrong with your ideals, not wrong with your feelings... You just need to learn how to think about things a bit differently.
You're inherently worthy as a person. Your personal pursuit of happiness is JUST as important as everybody else's... It's the truth, & I really really wish you believed it, because if/when you can realize the truth of that statement, that's when you'll probably be able to stop letting others trample over your pursuit of happiness.

Quote:

When i get pissed off or if i feel like s**t or if some one takes a crowbar to my testies i can't show it. i just can't. I feel like i'm bottling it all up. And i don't know if i am. I just know that i'm frustrated and i wish that i could do something about it, but i won't. i can't.

You can. It's probably going to be a HUGE struggle for you, but I KNOW you can. Hell, if you can't force yourself to, then you'll at least probably reach a breaking point at which all the pain & confusion & chaos you feel inside gets to be so much that you have a "nervous breakdown" of sorts. Which sounds pretty bad, I suppose; but breakdowns can be cleansing. I know you don't believe me, but you should; after all, I'm an expert at them xD

Seriously, though. You have a right to express all of your feelings, positive or negative. After all, don't you think that other people have that right? &, if they do, why on earth wouldn't you?

Quote:

when i finally
break down its utter catastrophy. i sometimes, very very veeery rarely i'l go on a drinking binge. and i really hate that.

If breakdowns weren't catastrophic, they wouldn't be breakdowns.

&, all things considered, a breakdown very very rarely leading to a drinking binge is a sign of superb mental health. Most people are much, much worse than that...

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In the end i keep feeling like i deserve it. Like I deserve to be a doormat.

Why? Seriously -- please explain to me as best as you can why you deserve less than everybody else deserves? Why you somehow think that you've lost all your basic human rights; why everybody else deserves more than you?

Quote:

but every time they always leave me

for someone else, on most occasions for someone that gives them bruises in the face. Which leads me to believe that i must be

THE BIGGEST ASSWHOLE ON EARTH

IT'S NOT YOU. IT'S THEM. It sounds cliche, but I mean it, & I know it's true!

Quote:

[everything you said about the girl's you've been with]

That's ******** up. THEY'RE ******** up. NOBODY deserves to be treated the way it seems most girls have treated you; NOBODY!

You didn't do anything wrong. You went through lots of really really unfortunate & hurtful circumstances. However, you CAN let go & move on; you CAN change your attitude about them; & you CAN respect & believe in yourself no matter what anybody else does or thinks.

Not only can you do it, but I think you're going to have to in order to get to a better place in your life. & I know you will... I just wish you knew that too.

Posted: Sun Jan 30, 2011 10:57 pm

Chieftain Twilight

if you ever need to talk, you can message me. and I'll even give you my phone number. smile

Same goes for me.

My MSN Messanger ID: MoralSurgery@hotmail.com
My phone number (texting me first is preferable, but not "required"): 202-441-6024

& I don't go handing out my phone number to just anyone, by the way... Hell, I pretty much NEVER just read a thread by a stranger & tell them "call me anytime, here's my number" ... As a matter of fact, you & Chief are the only two people in this thread ALLOWED to dial my phone number xP

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Chieftain Twilight

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Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2011 12:01 pm

xd I feel Proud.

and you should too, dude. smile that's an Honour right there.

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