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 Posted: Wed Jan 12, 2011 12:48 pm
I need to know if this is too long for a monologue from a character, let me give you a little background on the character. I can't post the entire chapter because it's far too long. All of the background stuff is in italics and blue. His name is Sebastian he’s a demon bent on getting revenge on the man who killed his family. Sebastian was a teenager during the Renaissance and spent a lot of time traveling. He has traveled to many nations and is a darker character. He is sort of the pleasant contrast to the story and allows me to usher in a darker side to the novel. His family was killed in Berlin during the Baroque Period, which can be noted in his etiquettes and style. Believe me he has a style; he is also in the highest social bracket.
The scene is when he is speaking to another, younger character named Ivan about war. Ivan asked Sebastian what it was like to sit in the trenches in World War Two, Ivan is a rather violent character and wanted to know about the war as sort of entertainment. Ivan is relatively new among the ranks of demons and Sebastian is considered old school, an immortal. Quote: Sebastian looked coldly at Ivan, Ivan cringed and looked away from Sebastian’s probing ruby red eyes. Sebastian’s voice was cold and distant, “There is something about a battle field before war, a mistress comes and haunts you before the battle is even commenced. Her breath that sends the chills down our spines, which creep ever so slowly into our very soul, her grip is like none I had ever known, those icy fingers that wrap around your throat. She squeezes tightly and threatens not to let go, the air rushes out of the lungs and you feel you’re body tingle with fear. The very silence her self is defining as we sit waiting. We wait and wait to find time drag on as though there were no difference between day and night. Finally her eyes cast an enchantment upon us, which locks our voices away, and the silence and stillness of the air become defining. It is not the war that kills us; it is not the battle that takes our souls. It is the mistress who takes us to our grave, the mistress who takes our souls even before we begin.”
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Posted: Wed Jan 12, 2011 11:11 pm
You requested an answer to a specific question, so I shall ignore the grammatical and spelling errors.
No, this is not too long for a monologue. If the length seems to be getting away from you, a useful and grammatically valid strategy might be to break the monologue into multiple paragraphs.
Example, and note how quotation marks are used:
Character speaks slowly, with a cold gleam to his eye. "Sed ut perspiciatis, unde omnis iste natus error sit voluptatem accusantium doloremque laudantium, totam rem aperiam eaque ipsa, quae ab illo inventore veritatis et quasi architecto beatae vitae dicta sunt, explicabo.
Nemo enim ipsam voluptatem, quia voluptas sit, aspernatur aut odit aut fugit, sed quia consequuntur magni dolores eos, qui ratione voluptatem sequi nesciunt, neque porro quisquam est, qui dolorem ipsum, quia dolor sit amet, consectetur, adipisci velit, sed quia non numquam eius modi tempora incidunt, ut labore et dolore magnam aliquam quaerat voluptatem. Ut enim ad minima veniam, quis nostrum exercitationem ullam corporis suscipit laboriosam, nisi ut aliquid ex ea commodi consequatur?"
"What?" Other Character replies.
"Why, yes." Character retorts. "Quis autem vel eum iure reprehenderit, qui in ea voluptate velit esse, quam nihil molestiae consequatur, vel illum, qui dolorem eum fugiat, quo voluptas nulla pariatur?
At vero eos et accusamus et iusto odio dignissimos ducimus, qui blanditiis praesentium voluptatum deleniti atque corrupti, quos dolores et quas molestias excepturi sint, obcaecati cupiditate non provident, similique sunt in culpa, qui officia deserunt mollitia animi, id est laborum et dolorum fuga. Et harum quidem rerum facilis est et expedita distinctio.
Nam libero tempore, c** soluta nobis est eligendi optio, cumque nihil impedit, quo minus id, quod maxime placeat, facere possimus, omnis voluptas assumenda est, omnis dolor repellendus. Temporibus autem quibusdam et aut officiis debitis aut rerum necessitatibus saepe eveniet, ut et voluptates repudiandae sint et molestiae non recusandae. Itaque earum rerum hic tenetur a sapiente delectus, ut aut reiciendis voluptatibus maiores alias consequatur aut perferendis doloribus asperiores repellat."
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Priestess of Neptune Vice Captain
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