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 Posted: Sat Jan 28, 2006 12:42 am
For some odd reason I don't feel like I belong here. I just can't relate anymore. I mean, I returned to cutting, but I don't get anything out of it, unless I want to displace myself. It just doesn't do it for me.
I've become bulimic instead. I just do it for no reason. It has been one year of doing this. I just now do it without wanting to. I can't keep food down.
If I am going to cut, it will be the last. And, it won't be worth it if I fail. The scars from my last attempt just stares at me, it is like my vien is laughing at me, because I missed it each time.
I am saving all of my meds, I am not really sure why, but if something really shitty happens, I figure they will help me in the long run. One by one by one, until the bottle is empty.
Don't get me wrong, I am not suicidal. I am not trapped.
I mean, I truly feel that I can move on with my life, but I have a therapist at home and a shrink here, who want me to rewind my life, and I simpily can't do that. I got over that hurdle, and I am NOT going back.
"So what happens now? Where am I going to?" (Evita)
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Posted: Sat Jan 28, 2006 8:58 am
Well, whatever you do, don't do that "one last cut". There's other ways to deal with things. I'm not sure how getting over bulimia works, but you can probably find a doctor or even an online website that can help.
As for not feeling like you fit in... Are you still in school? If you're still in High School/College, try to find some groups with the same interests as you. If you like to write, try to find a group for that, or play sports... there's a group for just about everything. Try to find something that catches your interest, and get back outt there and start making some good friends. There's also normally some local clubs and groups. Maybe volunteering for community service will help, if you begin to feel like you can make a difference, then maybe you'll realize that you're truly needed.
Writing and drawing and other things of that nature can help. Writing and drawing can help to get your emotions out, maybe as an alternative to cutting? I usually tell people to try and keep a journal to get their emotions out, but that doesn't really seem to be the issue here...
If you feel that you can move on with your life and get over these problems, then what are you waiting for? If the therapists are holding you back, then try taking a short break from them (if you do, try to get rid of most knives, razors, glass objects...) Tell them you think that you can move on as opposed to rewind. The last I've heard, they're supposed to help you get over what's bothering you, not hold you back...
If you ever feel like you need someone to talk to, you can PM me. I don't know if I'll always have great advice, but I'll be there to listen.
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Posted: Sat Jan 28, 2006 12:36 pm
Sumurika Well, whatever you do, don't do that "one last cut". There's other ways to deal with things. I'm not sure how getting over bulimia works, but you can probably find a doctor or even an online website that can help.
As for not feeling like you fit in... Are you still in school? If you're still in High School/College, try to find some groups with the same interests as you. If you like to write, try to find a group for that, or play sports... there's a group for just about everything. Try to find something that catches your interest, and get back outt there and start making some good friends. There's also normally some local clubs and groups. Maybe volunteering for community service will help, if you begin to feel like you can make a difference, then maybe you'll realize that you're truly needed.
Writing and drawing and other things of that nature can help. Writing and drawing can help to get your emotions out, maybe as an alternative to cutting? I usually tell people to try and keep a journal to get their emotions out, but that doesn't really seem to be the issue here...
If you feel that you can move on with your life and get over these problems, then what are you waiting for? If the therapists are holding you back, then try taking a short break from them (if you do, try to get rid of most knives, razors, glass objects...) Tell them you think that you can move on as opposed to rewind. The last I've heard, they're supposed to help you get over what's bothering you, not hold you back...
If you ever feel like you need someone to talk to, you can PM me. I don't know if I'll always have great advice, but I'll be there to listen. No... you have helped. Yes, I am in college. I sometimes feel like I am living multiple lives. It is hard to explain, but I can't be the person everyone wants me to be, and when I change on them, they flip out. So, I just feel time warped. Like an old 33 1/3 on repeat.
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Posted: Thu May 11, 2006 8:05 pm
This is what I have to say I hope it helps... Live life... Don't let others run you and on top of that if your friends don't like change screw them, they aren't worth it. Find new friends who can accept change, seeing as you are probably going to want to make changes. Life shouldn't have to be hard or stress filled and it really isn't. It only gets hard if you make it hard. Live life comfortably, adjust and change your life to fit you best and not to others standards. A saying I hav taught to myself that has worked for me is this.... "Hold nothing, free of all and bound by nothing.... Live life simply as it is..."
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