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 Posted: Thu Dec 30, 2010 3:31 am
I had a good friend commit suicide on monday night...when we found out i didn't believe it (hes pulled stunts before for attention) we couldn't get hold of his mum or sister but his dad had no idea whats going on ( his parents are split) when we rang him on the Monday night.
Part of me is upset that he may actually be gone...but part of me (and i feel like a b***h for it ) doesn't believe its true...that he is faking it...
Fast forward to today...the day of the funeral.
Facebook is about the only way we had contact with him...as he moved away a few months ago.
Noone will tell us how he died, no friends were welcome at his funeral, and its all been kept very hush.
It's starting to sink in that he is gone...and yet part of me still thinks it's some sort of awful prank...i feel like a b***h for it, i haven't cried...i haven't grieved...i don't know if i ever will....
I dunno why i am even typing this...guess i just needed to get it out into the open xP
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Posted: Thu Dec 30, 2010 8:59 am
Sometimes it does take a while for a death to sink in and feel real. That's especially true if you hadn't seen the person in a while, if you don't know the details, if you weren't at the funeral, etc. And if he was a prankster, that can definitely add to the unreal feeling too.
So I don't think you sound like a b***h at all for not grieving yet or for questioning it. I'm sure I would be a bit skeptical about it and hopeful that it wasn't true if I were you too.
If it is true, then I am sorry for your loss. If it does end up being a prank, I hope you tell him that it was definitely not funny.
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Posted: Thu Dec 30, 2010 2:02 pm
Everyone deals with situations differently, and the way you are dealing with this is how you cope. I'm sure there are a lot of emotions running through you right now since I've felt that denial as well. A childhood friend I knew since kindergarten committed suicide the year I moved away and I felt I was somewhat to blame. But when it comes down to it, no one is the blame and no one is at fault for someone else's choices. All you can do is remember how blessed you are to have known that person, and how they have impacted your life for the better.
I am very sorry to hear about your loss, and wish you the best through this emotional roller coaster.
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Posted: Fri Dec 31, 2010 4:14 pm
angelfromdown-under I had a good friend commit suicide on monday night...when we found out i didn't believe it (hes pulled stunts before for attention) we couldn't get hold of his mum or sister but his dad had no idea whats going on ( his parents are split) when we rang him on the Monday night. Part of me is upset that he may actually be gone...but part of me (and i feel like a b***h for it ) doesn't believe its true...that he is faking it... Fast forward to today...the day of the funeral. Facebook is about the only way we had contact with him...as he moved away a few months ago. Noone will tell us how he died, no friends were welcome at his funeral, and its all been kept very hush. It's starting to sink in that he is gone...and yet part of me still thinks it's some sort of awful prank...i feel like a b***h for it, i haven't cried...i haven't grieved...i don't know if i ever will.... I dunno why i am even typing this...guess i just needed to get it out into the open xP Awww, Angel, I'm SO sorry!! crying *hugs* I've had a few close friends of mine die, too, so I know how difficult & upsetting it can be to deal with, as well as how... odd, & incomprehensible... it can seem. Death is a hard & scary thing to wrap your head around; the reason that part of you is thinking your friend's just pulling some awful prank is probably because when people we care about die, we have a tendency to do whatever we can to believe it's not true; if there's a tangible reason for you to doubt that he's actually dead (which it sounds like there is), then it's only normal for you to hold out hope that that reason ends up being the truth & explaining everything away. You have NO NO NO reason to feel like a b***h! Everybody deals with loss & hardship in their own way. If you were dealing with his death by sobbing nonstop in a closet for days & drowning in a river of your tears or whatever, it wouldn't make you a better person, & it wouldn't mean your response to his death was "right". I love you heart heart heart
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Posted: Fri Dec 31, 2010 9:00 pm
It's mostly probably just shock. Your mind just doesn't want to accept it.
When I was 8 my friend Tammy died and people had a horrible way of telling me by yelling it in my face like some child that just got done watching a super violent movie.
I thought they were lying and yelled at them to shut up but my teacher told me in private what happened.
I don't like to think of people as being 'dead' but rather, a free spirit out of their shell. The people we lose don't go away forever, just until we too pass away. We never really 'lose' anybody.
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Posted: Sat Jan 01, 2011 5:59 pm
Synical Dreamer I don't like to think of people as being 'dead' but rather, a free spirit out of their shell. The people we lose don't go away forever, just until we too pass away. We never really 'lose' anybody.
You are the apple...
^ I rather like that = )
I would agree with most people here, angel, that the lack of emotion is most likely shock, or a sense of denial. It is hard to accept the loss of a friend, especially in such a violent manner.
and I am your core.
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Posted: Sun Jan 02, 2011 12:22 am
elyzia angelfromdown-under I had a good friend commit suicide on monday night...when we found out i didn't believe it (hes pulled stunts before for attention) we couldn't get hold of his mum or sister but his dad had no idea whats going on ( his parents are split) when we rang him on the Monday night. Part of me is upset that he may actually be gone...but part of me (and i feel like a b***h for it ) doesn't believe its true...that he is faking it... Fast forward to today...the day of the funeral. Facebook is about the only way we had contact with him...as he moved away a few months ago. Noone will tell us how he died, no friends were welcome at his funeral, and its all been kept very hush. It's starting to sink in that he is gone...and yet part of me still thinks it's some sort of awful prank...i feel like a b***h for it, i haven't cried...i haven't grieved...i don't know if i ever will.... I dunno why i am even typing this...guess i just needed to get it out into the open xP Awww, Angel, I'm SO sorry!! crying *hugs* I've had a few close friends of mine die, too, so I know how difficult & upsetting it can be to deal with, as well as how... odd, & incomprehensible... it can seem. Death is a hard & scary thing to wrap your head around; the reason that part of you is thinking your friend's just pulling some awful prank is probably because when people we care about die, we have a tendency to do whatever we can to believe it's not true; if there's a tangible reason for you to doubt that he's actually dead (which it sounds like there is), then it's only normal for you to hold out hope that that reason ends up being the truth & explaining everything away. You have NO NO NO reason to feel like a b***h! Everybody deals with loss & hardship in their own way. If you were dealing with his death by sobbing nonstop in a closet for days & drowning in a river of your tears or whatever, it wouldn't make you a better person, & it wouldn't mean your response to his death was "right". I love you heart heart heart I love you too kaylababy heart heart @ everyone thanks guys <3 Its been a tough week...they had the funeral (which no friends were allowed to go to...as they think it was us and our "lifestyle" that lead to him dying. Load of s**t...it was them not accepting him for who he was that started the whole thing) I guess i won't really accept it till i see the death certificate for myself.
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Posted: Tue Jan 04, 2011 10:37 pm
Well relating to my own experience, I had a cousin die mysteriously in our home country of Peru. I was initially unmoved by the whole thing cause he was like a 1000 miles away.It was only when I visited his family later in the Summer that it really hit me that he was gone.
More than anything, I think what you're going through is natural. So don't feel bad about that
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Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2011 2:04 am
pirulaso Well relating to my own experience, I had a cousin die mysteriously in our home country of Peru. I was initially unmoved by the whole thing cause he was like a 1000 miles away.It was only when I visited his family later in the Summer that it really hit me that he was gone. More than anything, I think what you're going through is natural. So don't feel bad about that Honestly...its been too long. Even if i find out its true...i doubt ill grieve.
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Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2011 3:53 pm
angelfromdown-under pirulaso Well relating to my own experience, I had a cousin die mysteriously in our home country of Peru. I was initially unmoved by the whole thing cause he was like a 1000 miles away.It was only when I visited his family later in the Summer that it really hit me that he was gone. More than anything, I think what you're going through is natural. So don't feel bad about that Honestly...its been too long. Even if i find out its true...i doubt ill grieve. Is that really that bad then? technically all that means is you moved on. I felt bad when I met his family but I didn't cry or anything. I just understood that it was the truth. He was gone.
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