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Posted: Tue Dec 28, 2010 4:52 pm
Okay. This is a novel that I'm writing. It's still a work in progress, so there's still a chance I'll change it. But, for now, it's the best I've got. The actual title is Caius A. Fell and the Wyvern's Bond. Tell me what you think. But, please, don't critisize it to the point that points out all my mistakes. Yes, I know it needs work.
Preface-Legend of the Union
The Union. A powerful group of humans born with the ability to hear, see, and touch the spirits of the dead. They are able to hear the voices of nature, most commonly animals. However, there is another quality that makes them who they are.
Each member of the Union is bound to their own wyvern--a dragon-like creature that has ruled this world since the beginning of time. The dragon’s, however, caused the wyverns to go into hiding. Larger and stronger than the wyvern, they could kill an elder with one talon.
The wyverns saw the destruction the dragons caused. They felt useless. Until, one day, a human came seeking their help. His family had been murdered by a dragon. The wyverns, though sympathetic to his story, could do nothing to help him. Saddened, the man left. He was killed by a dragon soon after.
Story tells of the birth of a white wyvern with silvery-blue eyes. This wyvern was the first albino of it’s time. It tells of the wyvern’s defiance against the elders, and of how he was cast from the nest.
It is unclear of how the wyvern made it alive. Perhaps it was winter snow that allowed the wyvern to blend in. What is clear, however, is what the wyvern did to save a human. A human who, like himself, was born an albino. The young man was about sixteen when he was attacked by a dragon, and the village could do nothing for him.
The wyvern had witnessed the attack, and felt a growing desire to save the human. A desire that would ultimately lead to the start of the Union. On the night that the human was to breathe his last breath, the wyvern made his appearance in the village. He spoke that he could save the boy, and the village agreed.
The wyvern watched as the boy was brought to him, and he sat with his tail holding the boy up. He spoke to the boy gently, saying everything would be fine. Then, in a desperate attempt to save the boy he wanted to live, the wyvern marked the human with a burn, now known as the Bond. This was the start of the Rider’s Union….
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Posted: Fri Dec 31, 2010 2:23 am
Wow, I really like it! I love how you made a conflict out of dragons and wyverns! Thats so epic! I think that if you added someone who ruled over the dragons, it might add a bit more suspense to it. The guy culd like, I dont know...find a stone or something that had control over the dragons making them do whatever he wanted! Maybe the guy who found the stone knew that if a wyvern and a human bonded, they would have enough spiritual energy to take him down, so he focred the dragons to kill all of the wyverns. Haha, it might just be me, but I enjoy villin like figures with a good core. It adds more feeling to and story smile Haha, hope you get it published! I would love to read it biggrin
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Posted: Fri Dec 31, 2010 10:34 am
This is very excellent. The conflict between two species that are so close is something I haven't read of really. The only thing I can point out is with albinos, they typically have red eyes. Other than that good job.
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Posted: Sun Jan 02, 2011 4:06 pm
Don't worry. In this first book, you'll discover why the Union as gone into hiding and such. And, I know albinos have red eyes, but if you think about, red wouldn't go well with silver. So, I switched it to silvery-blue. It matches more.
And, thanks. I hope I get published, too. It's my dream. heart
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Posted: Mon Jan 10, 2011 8:51 am
Here is the first chapter. As of now, this is all I have to the story. Enjoy. heart
1. The White Stone
I woke up to the sound of yelling. Groaning, I sat up. It was only five in the morning. What were they fighting about now? Angry, I got up and got dressed for the day. Once their yelling woke you up, there was no going back to sleep.
After I was dressed, I grabbed my backpack and snuck out my window. Sure, it was too early to be out, but this wouldn’t be the first time the police ran into me.
“Where should I go? There’s no way the library will be open,” I said, thinking aloud, “Well, I guess the bar and grill would be open. Guess I’ll get something to eat.”
I walked to the local bar and grill. Usually, I’d take my bike with me, but the roads and sidewalks were to slippery with ice to do that. As I walked, I got the feeling something was following me. Curious, I looked back. Nothing. Shrugging, I continued to walk. Once I got to the bar, the feeling vanished.
“That was…weird,” I said as I walked into the place.
“Ah. The runaway arrives,” the waiter said to me, before going to the kitchen.
I rolled my eyes and sat in the back. There was a bathroom across from me, and I could see myself in the mirror since the door was open. My snow white hair and skin, and my pale blue eyes, stuck out among everyone. Still, I felt like I fit in. Everyone treated my the same. Sure, some people were afraid of me, but everyone else acted like I was normal.
“So, Caius,” the waiter said, “the usual?”
“You know it,” I answered, smiling as he walked away.
I closed my eyes and listened to the news. There was another crash in Omaha. That was twenty in two days. May of the people claim to have seen a dragon, but reporters dismiss those claims. Well, this one seemed skeptic.
Huh. A dragon? Yeah, right. Can’t believe it unless I see it with my own eyes.
My order arrived and I paid on the spot. I picked up a French fry and dipped it in ketchup before eating it. As I ate, my parents came in.
“Caius Anthony Fell! Get home this instant,” my mother yelled.
I ignored her, and continued to eat my food. I calmly got out my cell and went to the contact list, and went down to my case worker’s number. I didn’t dial it. I just set the phone on the table.
“You make one move to take me back, I’ll dial Shauna’s number. Don’t think I won’t,” I threatened. They knew the drill.
Ever since last month, when my father got angry at my mother and threw the pan at her, but missed her and hit me, things have been tough for us. I’ve hated them both since and they were scared to lose me and go to prison.
“Caius, honey, please. Get home,” my mother urged.
“No. I’m not going back. We go through this every morning. I’ll come home when I feel like it,” I said as I ate another fry, “I’m going to Geoffrey’s house when I’m done.”
My parents left and the sheriff came over.
“Yelling at each other again,” he asked as he took a fry.
“Yeah. I don’t get it, Rex. If they hate each other, why stay under the same freaking roof? They should get divorced and just end the constant hate,” I said, looking out the window.
“I know it’s hard for you to understand, but that’s a lot of work. There’s paperwork, court….Then, there’s you. Neither of them want to be separated from you,” Rex said.
I admired Rex. He was the greatest, and the only one I considered a father. I looked at him. He had a head full of black hair, and eyes the color of a really blue ocean; he was wearing his contacts again. He had a goatee, which made him look older and more experienced. Really, was about twenty-five. Unmarried, no children.
“I don’t care which one I live with. I’ll still hate them both. Nothing is going to change that,” I said, and he looked away.
I knew he hated my parents, too, and that he’d do anything to keep me out of the house. But, he wasn’t making a good income anymore, so he wasn’t suitable to adopt. Not that changed his fatherly views on this situation.
“Well, I’m going to Geoff’s. See you, Rex,” I said as I stood.
“You’re done eating? You haven’t touched your cheeseburger,” he observed.
“Not…hungry today,” I said, kind of hesitant.
I watched as he put the cheeseburger in a paper bag and handed it to me, followed by my Dr. Pepper.
“In case you get hungry on the way to Geoff’s,” he said, earning a smile from me.
“Okay, okay. I’ll take them with me. Thanks,” I said as I walked out of the building.
About a mile from Geoff’s house, I had finished my cheeseburger and my Dr. Pepper was nothing but ice. Rex was smart to have given me the bag and drink. It had gotten colder, and I hugged myself after zipping up my jacket.
“Dang. I hate winter. It’s too--Whoa,” I exclaimed as I tripped into the snow, “What the heck?”
I sat up and saw a rounded bump in the road. It was white as snow, so I took it for a large clump. But, when I went to leave, the sun bounced off of it to create a star-like shine. This wasn’t snow. Looking around, I picked it up and examined it. It was slightly heavy, and it thumped as if it had a heartbeat. I looked closely, dropping it and crawling away as I saw movement within it.
Panicked, I put it in my bag and ran the rest of the way to Geoff’s.
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