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Reply NID: Nerdish Inquisition Department (Writing Clan)
PhantomJavon's Poetry

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PhantomJavon
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 14, 2010 10:19 am


The Haunted Battlefield

Stranded amidst the bodies,
On the isle of our battle.
My friends and my enemies,
All strewn together,
Sleep forever, dead,
Dead as a hallowed tomb.

Their empty gazes haunt my every step,
Yet I feel some comfort.
Like they’re not really gone,
Calling me to join them.

To feel death’s embrace,
Seems like such a blissful calling.
After all, they had left me,
Alone and weeping in the haunted wastelands.

The living say to stay living,
That suicide and death are not good things.
Though I would rejoin my lost friends and comrades,
And escape the political slander of this world.

The politicians call me a hero,
But I know better.
The real heroes died with honor,
Out in the haunted battlefield.

But soon I will rejoin my brothers,
In their shallow graves.
On the island of darkness,
With a bullet in my brain.





Dead Silence

It was not so long ago,
In my early high school years.
When I had a class I so enjoyed,
An American history class,
Where readings were enjoyed,
And assignments understood.

I was quiet even then,
But I had my moments of speech.
It was just one of those days.
We had been given a group assignment,
Over the histories of the civil war.

While we sat in our groups,
Discussing our many plans,
The teacher called out as if to draw attention:
“Jacob, shut up!”

Having an aloof nature
And not enjoying being in the center of attention,
My mind shattered
Confused on what to make of it
Was it sarcasm? Or was he serious?

And since those days of the civil war,
I have remained lost in my mind.
Haunted by the strange games
Of my teachers of old.
Regathering the fruits of my voice,
And perhaps once again, I shall be free
To display my tongue again.






Light and Dark

There lies in all of us
A shade of black and white,
Even if we cover it up with our masks
Which we wear by day.
But by night,
Each of us are haunted
By our other half.
The half that is you
But not.

The good are haunted by evil
As the evil are haunted by the good.
Always questioning,
Always frightening,
Always trying to escape the dungeons
Our mind has made for them.

I once met my shade-like twin
In the dark recesses of my mind.
Like good friends,
We knew all about each other.
But as a jailor gazes at a prisoner,
One gains more and more reason
To keep the monster locked away.
While the other sees more reason
To escape from his bondage.

Mere reflections of the other
On the surface, the same as always,
But underneath the façade,
Motivations change.
Feelings change.

As I dove into my inner being,
While doctors probed my body,
Each side of myself met,
Neither side being happy with the other.

My dominant, light side
Favored peace and intelligence,
While my shadow form
Dwelled in darkness, like a stealthy
Predator stalking its prey.

Once in awhile, the dark one gets out
While the light side rests.
He desires to be feared,
While the other seeks praise.
One and the same,
But different in all but shape.
PostPosted: Tue Dec 14, 2010 10:20 am


I'll probably never add anymore of these, but these three are also for my creative writing class. If people could look at them and tell me what they think and hints at how to improve them, let me know. Thanks.

PhantomJavon
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KeJoRo

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 14, 2010 1:03 pm


Personally, I liked them.

The first one especially.

You have a way with mood and tone that is quite admirable.

The only criticism I can think of is in the second and a little bit of the third, the pacing seems a little...off, so to speak.

However, that doesn't mean to say they are bad, because they are far from that.
PostPosted: Wed Dec 15, 2010 8:23 am


Thanks. I like the first one most too, but I need the three...and I can't make new ones either... xp

PhantomJavon
Captain

Thieving Alchemist

16,800 Points
  • Treasure Hunter 100
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NID: Nerdish Inquisition Department (Writing Clan)

 
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