Welcome to Gaia! ::

Where Imagination Becomes Reality

Back to Guilds

Best place for readers and writers to chill 

Tags: Reading, Writing, cool, critique, role playing 

Reply The "I'm soooo stuck" unstickifier
Character: Mesaline

Quick Reply

Enter both words below, separated by a space:

Can't read the text? Click here

Submit

anticupid16

Desirable Elocutionist

PostPosted: Sun Dec 05, 2010 1:11 am


♭♮♯
Sleeping wonder lies to me, and the lies are sweet.

ALRIGHT
Here's the deal.
I've created this character and am currently trying to finish my failed attempt at NaNoWriMo, despite it being December.
She is, unfortunately, a medley of several characters I've scattered around RPs and therefore I will have to invent her skeleton right here, right now.
THE DEAL: I don't want her to be a Mary-Sue, but right now I feel like there's something wrong with her. I took the litmus test online, and though they say that sometimes non-Sues score high, I did unfortunately get the Mary-Sue result... However, I'm not entirely sure what's wrong with her, and I'm hoping someone else can tell me.

Name: Mesaline Kaveri Canta. Yes, there is an important meaning to her name, and it's Savior of the River Song. My justification for such an important name is that in her world, everyone (minus those pesky little humans) has a name like this. The other characters involved have names chosen for meanings. However, though I will keep Kaveri Canta, I'm thinking of changing her name from Mesaline to something a little more different.
Age: 17-18 (I've left it somewhat vague for the time being)
Species: Half-faerie, half-demon. An odd mix, yes, but there's a reason for it, involving the plot line that revolves around this whole big forbidden romance thing that stretches back to the beginning of time.
History: Her mother was a faerie princess (yes, really) and during an overthrow put up by the Dark Alliances (think demons, vampires, werewolves, goblins, etc.) she went into hiding, fell in love, but she was already married with two kids. She had an affair, had a daughter, was forced into deeper hiding, and after Mesaline was thirteen was allowed back into society. Now, she's crowned Queen of the Realm Division, meaning she's in charge of all the royalty of all the species.
Current Situation: There was an attempt on Mesaline's mother's life (revolves with the plot) and so she, her cousin, and a couple of Guardians are heading to a safe place in Oregon. The plot involves the reincarnation of souls, and she's discovered that one of the Guardians is also a reincarnation, like she is. He knows more about it than she does, though (she knows next to nothing).
Description: Red hair, hazel eyes, not particularly pale but not tanned, I don't think I've described her body shape really but I'd say average, no birthmarks or freckles or anything. I actually don't describe her appearance much, other than this one scene, but I didn't know what else to write. She's short.
Personality: She's kinda.. weird. She broods about the same amount as a teenager should, makes jokes, but because the plot line is taking place during a really weird time, I dunno... A lot of things frustrate her right now, and that irritates her, but she's quiet so she only has one really big snap right now. Urgh, I don't know how to describe her in a descriptive way... I'd say she goes up and down like any other teenage girl.

Seriously, I'm still working on her. I've gotten about 47 pages of her down, and I still don't know what's wrong... There are scenes that I can pick out where I don't like how she acts or talk, but those are full scenes that I don't like anything about.

♩♪♫♬
Music is sung with simple words, and simple words can save the world.

♯♮♭
PostPosted: Sun Dec 05, 2010 11:49 am


Sounds like a good character to me, I'd keep the vampires to a minimum with all the hype lately. Darn hype, it makes people who write original material get compared to stuff that isn't that great.

If you need any details about Oregon, you can just ask me. I live there. There's more than forests out here and you have to be insane to wear a bikini to the beaches.

ContrabassClarinetist
Crew

6,650 Points
  • Nerd 50
  • Bunny Hunter 100
  • Treasure Hunter 100

Alexis Devoncroix

PostPosted: Sun Dec 05, 2010 2:27 pm


Maybe try posting an excerpt so we can see her in action? That might help with figuring her out.

She's a princess, right? So if so, is she spoiled, full of entitlement, and arrogant/proud? Or is she a humble princess, someone who cares and is kind to everyone and never seems to get mad. The second one seems more Mary-Sue ish to me.
PostPosted: Sun Dec 05, 2010 9:16 pm


♭♮♯
Sleeping wonder lies to me, and the lies are sweet.

@Alexis Devoncroix: I could try... It would depend on the moment though.
As for her personality... Can I go with mix of the two? She's addicted to things like her iPod and laptop, but she doesn't make constant demands...
And believe me. She gets mad. When she gets mad, she throws fireballs- however, she's shown that she cares for her mother and cousin, at least.

@ContrabassClarinetist: Why thank you! The vampire thing isn't big in the story. There is a somewhat important vampire character, but I added them mostly so the demons wouldn't be all alone in their evil. I didn't really wanna push goblins into that roll (because I don't particularly enjoy writing about them) so I dragged vampires.
I wouldn't mind some info about Oregon-- thank you! I wasn't going to go very in depth, just get them there for sake of getting them away from their previous location.


♩♪♫♬
Music is sung with simple words, and simple words can save the world.

♯♮♭

anticupid16

Desirable Elocutionist


ContrabassClarinetist
Crew

6,650 Points
  • Nerd 50
  • Bunny Hunter 100
  • Treasure Hunter 100
PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2010 9:31 pm


No problem, and I wasn't kidding about the bikini thing, you can get hypothermia pretty easily at our beaches. Oregon is a good place for non-humans to blend in, especially Portland area, there are crazy people here.
PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2010 9:09 pm


anticupid16
♭♮♯
Sleeping wonder lies to me, and the lies are sweet.

@Alexis Devoncroix: I could try... It would depend on the moment though.
As for her personality... Can I go with mix of the two? She's addicted to things like her iPod and laptop, but she doesn't make constant demands...
And believe me. She gets mad. When she gets mad, she throws fireballs- however, she's shown that she cares for her mother and cousin, at least.


♩♪♫♬
Music is sung with simple words, and simple words can save the world.

♯♮♭


Ah, that does make it a bit tougher to figure it out. Maybe it'll just work out as you keep writing. I hope it does, it's no fun feeling that the character is off.

Alexis Devoncroix

Reply
The "I'm soooo stuck" unstickifier

 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum