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Incomplete Story: Nicole Reflare

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Reglare Excile
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Friendly Warlord

PostPosted: Fri Nov 19, 2010 4:14 am


Note: This story is a part of a story that is considered rather non-canon for my stories, and is something you don't really have knowledge of, on a side-note it is in the same world that Reglare Excile's story is set in, but not in the same timeline, not the same land, not the same people. The story I'll give now is to test my grammar, and to try and piece together the thoughts in my mind. So don't argue when you don't understand the story. Just saying though. :3




"Nicole. . ." Arnold said as he lied on his bed, waking from a deep slumber. It's been 5 days now that he's been sick after catching a fever that day Nicole Reflare announced her love for him, and he announced his love for her. Still, even when he wants to, he can't deny that he wants her always by his side, even with his supposedly cursed fate

"Sorry for taking so long." Nicole said as she then went in in his room, taking a basket with her, "I had trouble finding veggies in the market."

"I hate veggies." Arnold said as he looked at her.

"Oh. . ." Nicole replied as she was clearly saddened.

"Knowing that it is your cooking though, I'm quite sure that it'll taste great." Arnold said as he then smiled at her.

She smiled back as she then kissed his forehead. "I'd be cooking now."

"Okay." he said as he kept smiling.

"Okay." she replied a little glumly, knowing that it was rather a fake smile as she then exited the room with her basket.

Arnold was now left there to wander around his thoughts about what happened in the past months. After Albert and Annabelle's elopement, Arnold was left here to be happy but rather very sad. Happy that Annabelle is happy again along with the prince. Sad that he knows that she'll die of her disease. For some reason, he still sees it as his fault, linking it to his supposedly cursed love. After all, every woman he loved did suffer grim fates. His first love died of cancer, but it was young love and her fate was already sealed quite before he even knew her. His fiancee died in a car accident a month before their wedding, making him leave his past identity behind, just to try and forget it. Now, Annabelle is going to die because of an incurable disease, which for him happened just because he used to love her. He doesn't want Nicole to suffer this fate, which he thinks will happen because of him, but because of his current state, he can't do a thing but feel how his heart beats for her. Even if he wants to end it all just to keep her safe from his supposedly cursed fate, he couldn't for he kept a promise for her, a promise that he simply wants to actually keep.

"Now, open your mouth wide." Nicolse said as moments later as she then served him the soup she cooked.

Arnold smirked, eating the spoonful of soup that Nicole gave first. "You know, there's really no need for acting like teenage love birds."

"I find nothing wrong with that." Nicole said as she smiled and gave another spoonful of soup.

"That's because you are 16." Arnold replied as he then took the spoon. "but I am 24." he said as he then offered her the spoonful of soup this time, "You've been focusing too much on me, you're starting to look pale."

Nicole then took back the spoon and smiled. "You did make it hard for me to make you smile."

"That doesn't mean you need to make me guilty to make me smile, hmm . . . talking about smiles. . . I wonder how Annabelle and Albert are doing now. . ."

In a far village, Annabelle sneezed and so did Albert after she did as they worked on a garden, making Annabelle giggle. "We really shouldn't have been under that rain too long." Albert said as he then wiped his nose.

"I wouldn't have if you didn't pin me down the grass then." Annabelle said as she smiled.

"Well, you would have ran away if I haven't." Albert replied as he then offered a clean handkerchief to her.

"Thank you." Annabelle said as she then took the handkerchief. "You and saved me from myself then, prince." she said before kissing him.

"I really wouldn't let the person I love feel sorrow, after all." he said as he kissed back. "I wonder how Arnold is doing though."

"I do as well, he did get wetter than both of us that night so I hope he didn't catch a fever."

Arnold sneezed twice then, having a bit of interval between the sneezes.

"I believe that you just talked about each other." Nicole said, making a low chuckle.

"What made you say that?" Arnold said as he then looked at her, wiping his nose.

"I just have those feelings sometimes." Nicole replied as she then gave another spoonful of soup to him.
((Continued later?))
PostPosted: Fri Nov 19, 2010 1:25 pm


There are a couple things wrong in the above paragraph. You said 'Arnold was left here to be happy but rather very sad' mostly, I'm talking about the 'but rather vary sad part' try saying 'but instead he was miserable' conveys more emotion, and makes more sense. Next, 'he couldn't for he kept a promise for her, a promise that he simply wants to actually keep' you cut out a few words and rearrange it a bit, and this makes a lot more sense. Example: He couldn't for he made a promise to her, a promise that he actually actually wants to keep.

As for the story, it's not so confusing if you just take it as is. Guy loves girl, girl loves guy. Every girl the guy has loved died. He's tormented by this and doesn't want his current love to suffer that fate. I enjoyed otherwise.

Shibu Mizaku

Sarcastic Trash


Reglare Excile
Crew

Friendly Warlord

PostPosted: Fri Nov 19, 2010 5:28 pm


1. Your first correction on me is something I did to make it easier to understand, something to make up for my grammar.
2. The twisted ways I write is rather my style of writing, every story I write contains that kind of grammar, but of course that does need to be lessened.
3. I didn't say that the story would confuse you of the story, just about what if someone would ask about what is the full story, like who's Annabelle? Why is Albert a prince? Who are Albert's brothers? Why do I never write my full stories here? Of course, I'm just saying this because I'm not in the right sense of my mind right now, but still, this are my answers. I hate the cold and sneezing that doesn't make me think right. @_@

That's all. :3

Thanks for the critic though. ^^
PostPosted: Fri Nov 19, 2010 9:02 pm


I hope you write the rest of this story

ContrabassClarinetist
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Reglare Excile
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Friendly Warlord

PostPosted: Fri Nov 19, 2010 10:27 pm


ContrabassClarinetist
I hope you write the rest of this story

I shall, once this cold and cough goes away.
PostPosted: Sun Nov 21, 2010 7:01 pm


*updating it later*

Reglare Excile
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Friendly Warlord


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 21, 2010 7:20 pm


We can wait, good writing quite often takes time.
PostPosted: Sun Nov 21, 2010 7:32 pm


ContrabassClarinetist
We can wait, good writing quite often takes time.

I've written some parts on my notebook already. :3
I just don't feel like typing it on the computer yet. @_@

Reglare Excile
Crew

Friendly Warlord


Reglare Excile
Crew

Friendly Warlord

PostPosted: Sun Nov 21, 2010 11:59 pm


Updated
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Writer's Escape

 
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