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New Beginning

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Gothique Jedi

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 5:02 pm


Dying to live
Wanting to die
Wants it badly
Needs it inside

Eyes go weary
Face turns pale
Mind going crazy
From her horrid tales

All doors closed
No windows open
Searching for peace
In a life that is broken

Wishing of the days
She was happy and at home
With that special person
And not all alone

Walking in her darkness
She sees a small crack
A window slightly broken
Stopping in her tracks

With full force she hits
Shattering the glass
She stares in shock
To let the moments pass

A light shines in
Glowing on her face
She sees a new beginning
Past starting to erase

Climbing out the space
Leaving but a stain
From the glass that was sharp
But in her hand, was no pain



Wrote this 5 years ago; first poem I ever wrote (from what I remember).
Typos?
Likes/dislikes?
Improvements?
PostPosted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 7:58 pm


Nice story to it, the story I got (I don't know if it was the one you were telling) is something many can relate to and you gave readers a new look at new beginnings, they are often somewhat painful but that sense of freedom is refreshing. Good job, your writing is pretty darn amazing.

ContrabassClarinetist
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 13, 2010 1:07 pm


That is a nice poem, that is sad at first and makes you depressed, then refreshes your mind at the end. I like your poetry.
PostPosted: Sat Nov 13, 2010 6:29 pm


Wow, you have always had a gift with words and imagery I must say. You so great job setting up a world and executing the story out. You have a wide diversity of words that keeps the story interesting and diverse.

The thing that I did dislike of your poem was the change in tense.
Example the first stanza, you have past tense for the first two lines and then switch to present tense in the last two lines.

Kasi Karra
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Poet's Paradise

 
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