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 Posted: Tue Oct 26, 2010 11:07 pm
^^~
Silly title yes, but they actually encourage that in college!!!
I write lots of poetry and some fanfic- but I RP too.
I really need feedback on some things-
Well anything that I post in this guild needs soem feed back really...
^^'
that is what we're here for, yes??
Oh- It may not always seem like it, but I can be a grammar Nazi.
^^' my English Professor says this makes a good Beta. I'm not so sure, but I do have a black belt in Semicolon use.
Anywho-
I like hard and honest critique, no fluffy dstuff. I want to know what you really think. Tha't the only way I'll improve, so..
NO SPARING MY FEELINGS. RIP IT APART IF YOU FEEL YOU HAVE TO. BUT ONLY IF IT'S REALLY BAD.
Thanks so much guys~
Lovely~
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Posted: Tue Oct 26, 2010 11:09 pm
Hmmmm...
to start off- the newest thing I've done, my poetry slam piece.
"father"
Listen, Listen…
Can’t you hear it?
The sound of breaking glass,
Of muffled tears,
The shouting and the guilt.
Above all, the guilt-
It drenches me deep to the bone,
Coating every surface-
I can’t escape this-
ALL YOUR FAULT!
ALL YOUR FAULT!
My hands reach to cover my ears,
But I can still hear it-
The pounding voices screaming in my head-
I can’t escape them-
YOU COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING!
YOU COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING!
They won’t let me rest-
A multitude of shrieking people-
Males, Females,
They chastise me endlessly-
I am the rock-
They crack me with a hammer,
I am the cold still water-
They throw rocks at me,
I am the silent forest-
They are a team of loggers,
NOISE NOISE NOISE
I cannot breathe-
The air is so thick with accusation I cannot bring it into my lungs,
YOUR FAULT!
YOUR FAULT!!
I draw my knees to my chest and rock back and forth-
No comfort.
The voices aren’t outside,
They’re in my head-
They won’t let me accept,
That I couldn’t have done anything-
It was out of my hands-
I had nothing-
NOTHING!!!
I could have done…
I force this into my brain,
And it is quiet for a few blissful seconds,
Until-
You were there..
You could’ve said something…
You stood by and watched it all unfold…
HE’S GONE BECAUSE OF YOU.
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Posted: Tue Oct 26, 2010 11:11 pm
and an older piece. When I was very angry, written this one was.
"I Don't Believe You Anymore"
I can't believe the stupid s**t that comes out of your mouth,
The angry words and useless arguements,
you repeat endlessly,
You're so concerned with who I am,
What about who I want to be?
I have my hopes,
My Dreams,
My wants,
I can't take yours on top of that,
I can't live my life to your ******** rules,
I can't force myself to do that;
You pontificate on from your high pedestal,
Spouting more bullshit than ever before,
I'm not your pawn,
your chesspeice to direct,
I won't justify myself by your standards,
I've grown up more than that;
I've grown tired of your sermons,
What will you say about that?
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