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Original Poetry

A poem about my crush

crackerlover

Rainbow Fatcat

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Posted: Mon Oct 25, 2010 10:04 pm

I see him walking/my heart skips a beat/my foot drops from the bench/part of me wants to run to him/another, the sronger part tells me to stay/and he walks away/like a beautiful angel just passing by
razz

Posted: Tue Oct 26, 2010 3:03 am

Are the dashes
supposed to indicate
when you change lines?

If so,
I think you should
follow them.

It would make
for easier reading
and understanding.

egoxromantic

Anxious Conventioneer

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Broken_Angel_xXx

Desirable Vampire

6,400 Points

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Posted: Thu Oct 28, 2010 1:05 am

i think its great! i believe that alot of people can relate to this (especially me)

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 2:37 pm

It's relatable, but it's simplistic. It sounds more like the beginning of a story than naught but a poem. The last two lines fit well together, although a tad cliche, they give to imagination. It sets up a setting, but leaves too much to be desired. Then again, its simplicity could be a pro, as well as its downfall. Good use of the dashes--different punctuation is good when in poems.

Rio diGennaio

Greedy Raider

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