So lately (And by lately I mean for the past two years...) I've been really depressed. It used to just show up after I've had an extremely hard time doing something or completing something, like an essay or an audition or something. And for about a week I would just kind of...live...idk. But I just felt awful. (Like I couldn't draw which is what I do to alleviate my stress) or I couldn't talk to people. I couldn't eat sometimes because I just wanted to fall over on the ground and stay there forever. But in the past month, about half of the time I've been more severely depressed than I ever have been. It used to be one or two weeks out of a year, but now it's like I got hit by a freight train. And not only that, but there hasn't really been anything to spur this new found extreme depression on...like, I guess I feel alienated from everyone else, but it shouldn't bother me this much. I'll list possible reasons at the end of the post. But right now, I just feel like I'm rotting away, and that people WOULD miss me if I were to die, but they would only miss the mask I wear...and it's just horrible feeling like nobody really knows you. I don't have anyone to talk to, because when I've tried talking to people before, they thought I was just being silly. They told me to "walk it off." I'm tired of putting my s**t away to deal with for another time, but I don't know how to deal with this damn depression, especially now that it's been starting to consume my life. I hide it pretty well, so I don't think anyone really knows about it aside from me. I just...don't know what to do...
Possible Reasons:
-I'm slightly jealous of my best friend's relationship, because we are now not best friends anymore...it's like I don't matter at all to her.
-I just realized how different I am from my parent AND friends...none of them think like me or really understand anything I'm going through.
-I recently broke my ankle, and have not been able to do a lot of the things I could normally do. Also, I have to tell people my "broken ankle story" every time I see someone who doesn't know. It's making me a little upset. (IDK why)
-I'm pretty broke, and thus so, can't enduldge in a lot of the things I enjoy. Like movies and good food.
-I don't feel like I am musically or artistically skilled at all...and like my art isn't even worth drawing.
So, yeah. I guess there's a lot of things...but I just feel horribly alone in all this. I don't know what to do. And I'm afraid of what's going to happen to me...
