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 Posted: Sat Aug 14, 2004 4:00 pm
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Posted: Sat Aug 14, 2004 11:03 pm
*pst* Lord of LoTR is redundant. LoTR=Lord of the Rings, so you're saying "Lord of Lord of the Rings." sweatdrop
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Posted: Sat Aug 14, 2004 11:24 pm
finalrain *pst* Lord of LoTR is redundant. LoTR=Lord of the Rings, so you're saying "Lord of Lord of the Rings." sweatdrop *nod nod* Exactly! "Lord of Lord of the Rings"...
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Posted: Sun Aug 15, 2004 12:13 am
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Posted: Sun Aug 15, 2004 12:31 am
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Posted: Sun Aug 15, 2004 9:37 am
Alright, I'm gonna go edit it so the beginning of the beginning of it talks about the "Mary Sues" thing. ^_^
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Posted: Mon Aug 16, 2004 2:43 pm
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Posted: Mon Aug 16, 2004 5:39 pm
Yes, first few paragraphes made me think of Mary Sues too. That and someone selling Legalos's panties on the black market.
Some mistakes I found:
"I knew that he could somehow read her mind, so, I stared right back at him, my face and mind blank."
and
"After a good five minutes of evil laughter, I composed herself."
So, the main character keeps saying she's a genius, but its hard to tell by her narrative. Her descriptions are lacking, the vocabulary is average, and a lot of the conversation is bland. (And for someone who doesn't have a watch, she wanders around for 30 minutes quite often)
It moves really fast, from forest to being up after four days, to seeing Hobbits, to being asked to the concil. All in a few thousands of words. I guess thats okay, though, since the plot/nature of this story is meant to be light hearted (I think). But the way it's writen was interesting until about... Well... When she woke up in the tree I started to lose interest. There was good character details, then suddenly... the details just stop. And as soon as she is in the forest, shes in Rivendell.
It just moves too quickly without much substance for my taste. I think it needs more filler details. But it could just be me.
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Posted: Mon Aug 16, 2004 6:51 pm
Ymaginatyf Yes, first few paragraphes made me think of Mary Sues too. That and someone selling Legalos's panties on the black market. Some mistakes I found: "I knew that he could somehow read her mind, so, I stared right back at him, my face and mind blank." and "After a good five minutes of evil laughter, I composed herself." So, the main character keeps saying she's a genius, but its hard to tell by her narrative. Her descriptions are lacking, the vocabulary is average, and a lot of the conversation is bland. (And for someone who doesn't have a watch, she wanders around for 30 minutes quite often) It moves really fast, from forest to being up after four days, to seeing Hobbits, to being asked to the concil. All in a few thousands of words. I guess thats okay, though, since the plot/nature of this story is meant to be light hearted (I think). But the way it's writen was interesting until about... Well... When she woke up in the tree I started to lose interest. There was good character details, then suddenly... the details just stop. And as soon as she is in the forest, shes in Rivendell. It just moves too quickly without much substance for my taste. I think it needs more filler details. But it could just be me. *nod nod* Thanks for pointing all of that out for me! ^_^ I'll keep it all in mind for the next chapter. *prays she'll do better*
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Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2004 6:52 am
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Posted: Sat Aug 21, 2004 2:50 pm
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