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Kasi Karra
Captain

PostPosted: Mon Oct 04, 2010 8:08 am


So I'm entering this story eventually into a writing contest, but because the story is currently 52 pages, I'll just post the introduction.
I would love to hear your guy's opinion blaugh (And if you want to read the entire thing I'd be happy to pm/email it to you)


Introduction - Cursed

England - 1540

The sorceress looked out the window of her lonely home at the end of a dirt pathway to see a sea of flaming torches approaching her. She quickly hurried down the stairs and out the door to flee from the mob, but they were waiting for her and she had no escape. There was no way for her to use her healing powers to protect herself and escape was impossible.

As the sorceress laid dying in a pool of her own blood, outlined by what was left of her burning house. She was stripped of all her pride and her dignity as she watched the retreating men that had taken so much from her. “Animals that can only cause bloodshed,” she whispered as the fading mob’s form began to blur in her dying vision. “Creatures of Hatred, Pain and Grief,” she whispered as the last of her house fell into a pile of meaningless ashes. “Harvengers of Death, Anguish and Despair.” She whispered as a single set of footsteps hurried closer with the quiet padding of a companion following. “Heartless, merciless, cold-blooded killers,” she whispered as a lone swaying light entered her near black vision and a blurred figure knelt at her side and extended a hesitant hand.

The sorceresses maddened eyes widened and she grabbed the hand in an unbreakable death. The dog gave a whine as a blast of magic emanating from the sorceress knocked it back. The teenage boy couldn’t look away from the sorceress’s glazed over cream colored eyes. “When you can find a maiden to trust you and change the ways of your stone cold heart, you may return to this world that you once called home,” the witch whispered as her body disintegrated into dust and was blown away in a wind that touched nothing else.

The boy looked down in fear at his hand to see his nails sharpening into claws. The boy curled in a defensive ball as a massive pain began to form in his back and another in his head. From his scalp two small pointed silver horns emerged quickly followed by two massive bat wings from his back. His dog gave a howl as its own pain became unbearable and the boy was able to see his companion was also changing shape and it had sprouted a set of its own wings. The boy watched his world darken and spin before he completely lost consciousness and passed out.

The boy awoke to something licking his face. “What is it boy?” he asked waving his pet off. The small creature whined as his master came to and sat up in the absolute darkness. “I wish there was some light in here,” he commented rising to his feet. In response to its master’s request, magical fires came to life and danced in stone bowls at the top on the giant stone walls.

The boy looked around himself at the horrible underground Labyrinth that he found himself in. “No way,” he whispered looking down to see a creature at his feet. He jumped back from the panther club with raven wings and golden eyes in fear and the creature shrank to the ground, whining and pouting. “Alex?” the boy asked the creature when it didn’t try to attack him. The creature bounced up at the sound of its name and gave something of a meow.

The boy’s heart gladdened for a moment, but only for a short moment as he looked around his surroundings again. He walked with his newly transformed pet through the Labyrinth choosing directions at random until he came to a big room. The circular room was filled with thousands of candles, each with their own distinct flame dancing on a wick that gave off no smoke. In the middle of the room was a lone candlestick.

The boy picked up a candle next to him and walked to the candle stick. He gently put the candle on the stand and watched the flame grow larger and into a circular shape. He watched as the flames changed colors and showed him the lives of girls all over the planet at that moment. The boy could only shake his head in awe as he was able to observe each one of the girls in such a short amount of time. Their personalities, their hopes, their fears. Every thing in such a short amount of time, but he couldn’t find the girl that he was looking for.

His gaze wandered from the flame to a chest off in the corner of the room. He hurried over to the chest, recognizing it immediately and gently knelt beside it. With tender reverent hands he opened the chest to see a deep forest green and black dress beautifully designed with hundreds of tiny seed beads laying neatly folded inside. On top of the dress lay a silver whistle. The boy tentatively reached out and laid the end of a claw on the whistle.

“Be safe big brother,” a voice whispered in his mind before it disappeared forever. Just that short message told the boy that his little sister was dead and had left him this behind as a gift.
His sister had always been ill and that evening the boy had hoped to go ask the sorceress for her to live just one more night so that she could see the sunrise on her 12th birthday, but as he had left the town he had met a mob of drunk men. He had hurried towards the pillar of smoke and had hoped to save the sorceress, but the sorceress had lost her mind and left him with a curse. “A curse,” the boy whispered as he gazed into a small pool of crystal clear water beside the chest.

The boy angrily slammed his fist into the pool, disrupting the reflection in some small prayer that this was all a dream, but his hope fell even further as he saw his reflection unchanged in the calming waters. The boy sank closer to the ground and let all of his frustration out.


Wyoming – Present Day

I laid with my head in her lap under the peach tree as she played with my hair. I smiled as she gently brushed my horrendous curly hair around. I had dyed my blonde hair black when I was in high school and it was just starting to grow back blonde. I had really just wanted to shave my head, but if I had, I would be throwing away precious little moments like this. Just me and my rescuer, the love of my life, Erica.

Life forgot to give me a full deck of cards when I was born. My mother died in childbirth, my father was always drunk and abusive, and no one had a lower self-esteem then I did. Erica moved into this town when I entered my junior year of high school and we were in the same history class. I was sitting in the back of the classroom with all of them when she tentatively walked into the classroom asking if she was in the right place. It was the first day of class and all of my friends were on something. I knew that they weren’t the best influences to be around, but they provided me the motivation to continue living and getting through school. She was the cutest thing I had ever seen and I had vowed then to make her mine. I had approached her after class and after a bit of complimenting and eyeing her, I asked her on a date. The gullible girl had smiled at me and immediately agreed. That weekend after heading to the movies we had dropped by my apartment. I was thankful that my dad was gone for the evening as I through her on the couch and quickly pinned her down. She didn’t put up much of a fight and I could feel her quivering beneath my hand. The way that she shrank back in fear and innocence was so cute. I had never caught a girl like her because I was always scared of not being strong enough, but something had driven me to try and catch this girl. Other girls I had brought home with other friends were always on something and were more then willing to do dirty things.

“What is it that scares you the most?” I whispered in her ear as our cheeks brushed against each others. Something was burning in my chest and I didn’t know what it was because I had never felt it before.

“I had thought . . . Thought that you were a good person,” she whispered a few tears spilling down her cheeks.

I looked at the girl beneath me completely confused and couldn’t help but laugh. “What ever gave you the impression that I could ever be a good person?”

“Maybe I’ll never find out,” was her quiet reply.

Maybe it was the simplicity of her reply or maybe it was the pure innocence in her crying expression. I still don’t know what it was that made me release my grip on her and let her leave my place with out incident.

That short series of events had made no sense to me and I spent the next month running the scene in my head over and over again, but the more I thought about it, the less sense it made. I felt more hopeless then I ever had, including the time my father had nearly killed me with the iron rod he had been beating me with. All of this confusion added with that new feeling burning in my heart was driving me to insanity.

I don’t know what possessed her to come to my house that cold October evening. She had let herself in through the open front door and tentatively come in the house to find me on the couch with the gun to my head. I don’t remember what she said. I just remember my heart aching as I lowered the gun and tears flowing for the first time in so long. She had quickly come over and sat beside me on the couch letting me cry into her shoulder until I slipped into a dreamless sleep.

I woke the next morning to her screams. Father had just arrived home drunker then possible and was beginning to beat Erica. Without another clear thought I had picked up the gun and shot my father.

The police came and I was sent to jail for a time. Erica visited me as often as she could while I sat in that cell and she was my only visitor. They had held a trial for me and the decision had been to let me go free under the guise of self-defense of my girlfriend. The rest of our high school days had flown by and with a lot of help from Erica I have now found myself accepted into the near by community college. Without her, I wouldn’t be anywhere near where I am at now.

“The sun’s beginning to rise,” she whispered as the sky lightened and red began to streak across the sky beckoning the sun to come.

I sat up and pulled her closer to me, letting her lean her head against my shoulder. I reached into my jean pocket to make sure my birthday gift to her was still in my pocket. Today was her 19th birthday and I was excited.

The sun rose and we cloud watched for a time just happy to be in each other’s presence. The anticipation and nervous butterflies in my stomach were building and finally I couldn’t take it any longer. I gently kissed Erica on the forehead and she looked up at me. I smiled back as I carefully got up and walked in front of her.

I got down on one knee and pulled out my mother’s wedding ring. “Will you marry me?” I asked.
She was completely speechless and for a moment I was afraid that she would say no. She reached out to take my hand in hers.

“I,” she began.

Suddenly she was enveloped in a torrent of flames. The heat of the flames was so intense and sudden that I was thrown back and knocked unconscious. When I awoke close to sunset, my dear Erica was gone. There was a patch of dead grass where Erica had sat, but there was no sign of her anywhere. I searched and searched until the waning moon rose in the sky, but she wasn’t there. I kept praying that she would jump out of somewhere, laughing at her own little prank, but she never came.

“ERICA!!!!!” I yelled to the quiet sky as I sank to my knees and cried.
PostPosted: Sat Oct 30, 2010 7:10 pm


I loved the story!!!!!!!!


It's so mysterious!!!!!

I was like at first I was like, I don't want to read this, it's a long story. And I've read alot today and lately in the Writer's Forums on Gaia. But then I started reading, till I got to the present day thing, then I kinda wanted to save it for later. But then I kept reading it, and then I got into a trance, where I had to read it.

Great story. Keep it up, and keep writing. Loved this introduction.

Cloom

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Kasi Karra
Captain

PostPosted: Sat Oct 30, 2010 10:04 pm


I'm having a friend help me with editing it right now and have a really rough draft done right now, but the story is 52 pages and that's a little long to post on gaia sweatdrop
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