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Poetry Attempt: Missing Her

Reglare Excile
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Friendly Warlord

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Posted: Sat Oct 02, 2010 10:21 pm

All I Did was wait all night
But now is she out of sight?
When I feel this love I feel so light
When I see her face she seems so bright

Her allure I never want to fight
Everyday I see her, it's a beautiful sight
I want to see this lady of the night
But now it is night and she's not there to give me light
Is she now out of sight?

Posted: Tue Oct 19, 2010 8:02 am

I liked this, though I personally am not someone for rhyming. If you would like help with that division though, I suggest using as many different rhymes, and if you are sticking with the same sound, like in this poem, try your hardest not to repeat words.

I can't wait to read more smile

Deafening the Silence

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anticupid16

Desirable Elocutionist

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Posted: Tue Oct 19, 2010 11:23 pm

♭♮♯

Sleeping wonder lies to me, and the lies are sweet.

It's a nice poem, and it definitely helps to put emotion into the poem.
However, the beat is a little off. Maybe add a word or delete one here or there.
Otherwise, I liked it!

♩♪♫♬
Music is sung with simple words, and simple words can save the world.

♯♮♭

Posted: Tue Oct 19, 2010 11:28 pm

Thank you for the critique though. :3

Reglare Excile
Crew

Friendly Warlord

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